#icu

The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit.

A doctor from the U.S. is visiting a hospital in Scotland A prominent physician is visiting a hospital in Scotland. He's being shown around by the medical director. They take him to the OR, very modern. Then they go to the ICU, where he talks to the nurses. They go to another ward, where there's a long line of beds, each with a patient in it. He asks the first one, ""What are you here for?"", and gets the reply, ""Oh my luve's like a red red rose."" ""OK,"" he thinks, and goes to the next man. "…

Did anybody hear about the the peeping Tom who was caught? He was beaten up so badly they sent him to the ICU.

Wife in ICU Wife was in the ICU The husband was unable to control his tears Doctor: We are trying our best but can't guarantee anything Her body is not reacting It seems she is in a coma Husband: Doctor please save her She is just 30 years old and the family needs her Suddenly something happened Miraculously the ECG started beeping like crazy A hand moved her lips mumbled And she spoke: I'm 28

Hide & Seek Where is the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital? In the I.C.U.

A man tells his shrink he's no longer attracted to his Fiance ""I can't explain it but for some reason I'm only attracted to fruit"" ""Fruit, as in the sweet, fleshy product of a tree or plant?"" ""Yes, fruit, I don't get it,"" he says with more than a hint of desperation creeping into his voice ""I've seen this before,"" the psychiatrist calmly explains. ""You have?"" ""Yes, you have Twin Syndrome."" ""Twin Syndrome?"" ""You only come in pears!"" ""Very funny doc, this is serious, I'm trying to…

What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most? the ICU

The Pink Ping Pong Ball A father asks his son what he would like for his fourth birthday. ""A pink ping pong ball!"" the kid says. ""What.. Why would you want a pink ping pong ball?"" asks the father. ""I'll get you something even better."" So the dad goes out and buys the kid a huge set of Hot Wheels instead. Fast forward a year. ""What would you like for your fifth birthday, son?"" and the kid responds ""A pink ping pong ball!"" The father says ""You're still on that..? I'll get you a real gif…

The Brain Implant Two brain-scientists are having an heated argument about wether or not having a brain implant that will explode when you say something stupid would benefit anyone: Scientist #1: ""It would pressure them to think before they say something, thus making the amount of stupid things they say decrease."" Scientist #2: ""No it wouldn't. If they are already stupid, the implant would not aid them in the decision making process of wether something is stupid or not, thus not helping."" Se…

Where do Peek-a-boo patients go? The ICU.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi hear about a bear causing trouble in the woods nearby. The three men, friendly rivals, decide among themselves that what this bear needs to be soothed is some religion, so they declare it a contest to see who can convert it. They draw straws, and the Catholic priest is the first to try. He heads into the woods, and comes back three hours later with a few claw swipes across his face and hands, and tells the other two, "I read from the Catechism, and the bear se…

6 Year old boy found unconscious in cupboard after game of hide and seek goes wrong He's now recovering in the ICU

My kid got hospitalized from a Peek-A-Boo accident They're currently in the ICU

Where do you take someone who's been injured in a peekaboo accident To the ICU

Which hospital ward does the peeping Tom work at? The ICU

Man injured playing Peekaboo Taken to the ICU

I just came down with the Peekaboo virus It sent me to the ICU

Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.

Wife was in the ICU. The husband was unable to control his tears.

Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital? In the ICU.

Did you hear about the cannibal who visited the ICU ward? His doctor told him to eat more vegetables.

In the ICU Late in the night

A peeping tom fell out if a tree, where did he end up? In the ICU

What is the worst place to hide in a hospital? The ICU (I-see-you!)

The nurse went in to check her patient in the ICU who was wearing nasal prongs. The nurse tried to talk to him, but all she could get out of him was gasping and unintelligible talk. Finally, the nurse thrust a note pad and pencil at the patient and said, "I can't understand you, sir. Please write it down." The patient weakly scribbled on the pad, "Get your dang foot off my oxygen tube!"