#iraq

Chuck Norris' feet accounted for more damage in 2005 than both the war in Iraq and Hurricane Katrina.

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens the floor to questions. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. ""Billy, he says."" ""And what is your question, Billy?"" I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"" Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush infor…

What's the difference between Vietnam and Iraq? George Bush had a plan for getting out of Vietnam.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: ""Mr President how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"" Pres says: ""You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!""

Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them they are going to invade Iran.

Q:What should Iraq get for its air defense system? A:A refund.

where does saddam hussein keep his c.d collection? In Iraq (a rack)

A big earthquake hits the Middle East... A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East. Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured. Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending Supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops. The A…

LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command: It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on. Edit* changed were to are

Three men are at church. One of them is a union worker. Three men are in Church one Sunday morning, one of them belongs to the local union. Before the service they complain amongst themselves of their various ailments and injuries. Jesus hears them, and he appears before these gentlemen. "Tell me your troubles my children." "Lord. I can not stand up straight or go a day without pain, thanks to a back injury i suffered years ago." The first man says. "Be healed, Child." Jesus says. The man i…

A man ordered two drinks at once every day... The bartenders curiosity got the better of him, and he asked "Why not just get a double?" The man answered "I'm drinking one for myself and one for my buddy that didn't make it back from Iraq." After a couple of months, the man started ordering just one drink. The nosy bartender asked what's up. "My doctor told me I have to quit drinking."

How did I get from Afghanistan to Iraq? Iran.

In America, you're the bomb is a complement. In Iraq, you're the bomb is the argument.

One Marine is better than... A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune…

A dog attacks a little girl A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read in the newspapers: Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl". The man says: \- "But I am not a New Yorker!" \- "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the mo…

Semper Fi... A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than 10 Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instant…

In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders.. But in Iraq, no phobia.

Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when his military advisor entered. "Sir we've received reports that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. You should probably prepare a statement, the media will be here shortly." Bush was visibly taken aback. "This... this can't be" He said as he started to tremble. "Uhh, yes sir, I'm sorry to inform you." Replied the advisor, slightly puzzled. "What does this mean for the war effort?"…

A soldier ran up to a nun A soldier ran up to a nun, Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police officer ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the Military Police officers ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to war to Iraq . The nun said, "I under…

What is the most oblivious country in the world? Saudi Arabia, because they live under Iraq.

“Son, I killed 15 people in Iraq” Son: Dad you were a surgeon. Dad:Never said I was a good one

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..

A third grade teacher had her students ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral for their homework one day. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. But then the teacher realized that only Katie was left. "Katie, do you have a story to share?" ''Yes ma'am... My daddy told me a story about my mom." "OK, let's hear it," said the teacher. "My mom was a Marine pilot in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all sh…

An Army Captain is sent to Iraq, to a fairly remote desert post. During his inspections, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. Seeing a soldier standing nearby, the captain enquires as to the camels presence. “Well, as you know, there are more than 200 men here, yet there are no women in these parts, and sometimes the lads get an urge, you know?”, says the soldier. A month later, the captain starts feeling the urge to relieve his stress. He spies the camel, tied up outside the bar…