#blonde

So there's a brunette a redhead and a blonde who are trying to escape from a prison. The guards are onto to them, so they all hide in sacks.... The guards see the sacks moving and sends over a soldier to poke each one of them with his gun.The guard pokes the first one and the brunette says ""woof"" and the guard goes ""Oh it's just a dog"" he pokes the second one and the redhead goes ""meow"" and the guard says ""it's just a cat"". He then pokes the third and the blonde goes ""potatoes"".

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.

There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and... The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, ""Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!"" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, ""Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!"" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and chees…

A Blonde, A Brunette, and A Redhead break out of jail... During there escape they run accross a big corn field and find themselves in front of a big red barn. Hearing Police Sirens they panick and open the barn doors to find 3 burlap sacks. In there hurry they all decided to hide in the sacks. When the police officer finally arrives all he sees are the 3 burlap sacks in front of them. The police officer goes up to the bag with the brunette inside and kicks it. A loud ""Meow"" is heard and he say…

A blonde is pulling into a car park in her Volkswagen Beetle... ...when she sees another blonde with the hood/bonnet * of her Volkswagen Beetle up. Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is. ""Well, I was just about to drive off but my engine won't start. I had a look and saw that my engine was gone..."", replied the second blonde. ""Well, not to worry,"" replied the first, ""I have a spare one in my trunk/boot *"". *Please select appropri…

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet... ...and she says to the veterinarian, ""Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"" The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, ""Well, it looks alright to me."" The blonde replies angrily, ""Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!""

A blonde motorist is pulled over by a blonde policewoman for speeding. The female cop asks for the blonde's drivers licence. The blonde motorist asks 'Sorry officer, what does it look like?' The policewoman replies 'It's a small rectangular thing with your picture on it'. The blond gives the policewoman her make-up mirror. The blonde cop responds with 'I think we can forget the speeding fine. I didn't realize you're a policewoman too.'

Three women escape from prison.... A redhead, brunette & a blonde escape from prison and hide in a farmers' barn. Seeing no other cover, they decide to hide in three separate burlap sacks. Before long, a deputy searches the barn and comes across the sacks. He nudges the first sack, with the redhead in it, and she lets out a small ""woof!"". ""Oh,"" says the deputy, ""just a puppy taking a nap"". He nudges the second sack, with the brunette in it, and she lets out a small ""meow!"". ""Oh,"" s…

Guy at a sandwich shop (slightly NSFW) A man driving down HWY 10 starts feeling hungry, when low & behold he sees a sandwich shop, so he pulls off to the side, and walks in. Upon entering he browses the menu: Steak Sandwich, Chicken Sandwich, Roast Beef Sandwich, and Handjobs. He looks behind the counter and the woman making sandwiches is a GORGEOUS blonde. ""pardon me, ma'am? but, I was wondering... are you the one who uhmm gives the handjobs?"". ""You betcha"" she says. The man leans over …

Head and Shoulders There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says ""Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders."" The blonde then replies ""That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going…

A Blonde And A Lawyer A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."" Again, she declines and tr…

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims ""So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"" The Lone Ranger responds, ""I'd like to speak to my horse."" Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, S…

My Father-In-Law ,who is turning 90, told me this joke. I couldn't believe it. A girl was picking fruit in an orchard. The fruit she wanted was so high up she need to climb a ladder to get it. Because the ladder was not steady she asked a man if he would be a gentleman and brace the ladder while she climbed it, and he agreed. When she made it to the top she looked down and the man was looking up her skirt. She shouted to him ""I thought you were a gentleman!"" The man responded ""And I thought y…

2 blondes at the ATM... The first blonde uses the ATM. As she gets ready to leave, the second blond says,""I know your pin number. It's star-star-star-star."" The second blonde gives her a dirty look & says,""No it's not stupid !! It's 6482.""

Men helping men. I was at an Ikea this last weekend, wandering around the show room, when I absentmindedly ran into a young guy doing the same thing. I apologized to him, explaining that I'd I'd been mesmerized by the massive quantity of things and had somehow wandered away from my wife. With my mind preoccupied, I guess I hadn't really been looking where I was going. He laughed, and explained that he'd lost his wife too. I offered to help him look for his wife if he'd help me look for mine. The…

A mountain family visits the city... A mountain family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, ""Paw, what's at?"" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ""Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything lik…

Blonde Smarts *Note; this joke as I originally heard it involves blondes by convention; if you're offended by this stereotyping, replace it with your own generic cultural symbol of dullness. --- Blondes around the world began getting tired of being constantly mocked. The taunts were beginning to get to them, and the poor blondes were not going to tolerate being the butt of every joke any more. ""We are not as dumb as you think,"" they proclaimed, ""and we will go to whatever lengths necessary to…

To the beautiful blonde sitting across from me on the delayed 11.42 Manchester to London train (06/07/10).. You were a beautiful blonde sitting across from me on the delayed 11.42 Manchester to London train (06/07/10), you had caught my eye on the platform laughing wearing a pink backpack and a gold headband. We exchanged glances several times and I was finding it hard not to stare, I wanted to talk to you and hoped we could swap details I just lost my nerve and before I knew it we'd arrived and…

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a barstool and orders a beer. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The boun…

The Right Answer A contestant Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: A) the condor B) the buzzard C) the cuck…

Blondes can be smart A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and…

A cowboy and his horse are wandering through the wilderness... ...when they're suddenly amushed by Indians. They tie his hands and feet together and lead him back to their camp. Upon arriving, the chief says to the cowboy that he is now their prisoner but is free to wander the camp as he chooses. BUT, if he should attempt to escape, he will be killed. That evening when he is out of earshot of the others, he whispers something into his horse's ear. The horse whinnies and then runs off into the wi…

Try it on your friends... Guy walks up to a blonde woman, ""Hey do you get many blonde jokes?"" She says ""No, not really."" ""Yeah, that's kinda what I figured.""

My favorite blonde joke -Source: I don't remember where I first saw it, but when I googled it coolblondejokes.com got first result One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb. They begged: ""Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."" The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd. She got up on the car too and …

A blonde bursts in on her cheating husband and his misstriss... His wife flies into a rage and starts waving a gun around. Her husband stammers, ""Honey, I can explain."" She points the gun at her own head, ""Shuttup! You're next!""