#blonde

A blonde keeps checking her mailbox A man is mowing his lawn and every 2 minutes, his blonde neighbor leaves the house to check her mailbox, opens it and closes it in frustration After she repeats this five times, the neighbor asks ""Is there something wrong?"" The blonde replies: ""No shit something's wrong, my computer keeps telling me I got mail!""

Recent Studies... Recent studies show that 4 out of 5 blondes are blonde

A blonde goes to a ventriloquist act. All was well until halfway through, the ventriloquist makes a blonde joke. The blonde stands up. ""That is very offensive, to judge people on how they look! You owe me, and every blonde in the room an apology!"" The ventriloquist apologizes profusely. ""I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."" He says. ""Shut up, you! I was talking to the little bastard on your knee!""

What's your favorite blonde joke? What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you smack it, the mosquito stops sucking.

A blonde cuts off a truck driver on the highway... the truck driver has bad road rage and forces the blonde to pull over. He runs up to the blonde and starts yelling at her. The truck driver draws a circle on the pavement and tells the blonde stay there. Then, the truck driver starts smashing her windshield. He looks back at the blonde and she's smiling. He gets even more mad so, he grabs a knife out of his truck and starts slashing her tires. The blonde is still laughing at him. Furious, he tak…

A redhead, brunette and blonde encounter a magic mirror A redhead, brunette and blonde sit in a bar hear that the women's bathroom has a new magic mirror that can read one's mind and suck them in if they say a lie. The redhead is skeptical and goes to the bathroom to try it out. She encounters the mirror and tells the mirror ""I think I'm really pretty,"" and the mirror sucks her in Five minutes later, the brunette wonders what happens and goes into the bathroom to check. She encounters the mirr…

Blonde Joke A blonde is speeding on the road and a cop pulls her over. He walks over and asks for her license and registration. She pulls out all her papers and gives them to the cop. He checks her name on the scanner, she comes up with a flawless record(no tickets), yet she has been pulled over tons of times. He then radios in back to the police station and asks what's up with this girl. The man calls back and says, ""Oh her, yeah just walk over to her car and pull down your pants."" The confus…

So this blonde cop pulls over this lady... So one day this blonde chick is driving down the interstate when a cop pulls her over. The man walks towards the driver door, as the blonde girl rolls down the window. She says, ""Hello officer, what can I help you with today?"" The cop looks at her and says, ""Ma'am I'm going to need to see your driver's license."" The woman looks at him and says, ""What is a driver's license?"" He says, ""It's the little rectangle thing that has your picture on it."" …

Two engineering students and a bicycle... Two buddies in engineering school are walking around campus. One is pushing around a bicycle. The other says ""Hey, how did you get the new bike?"" His friend replies, ""Crazy thing happened the other day, I was walking back from class, when this beautiful blonde girl rode up to me on this bicycle, threw it down and ripped off all her clothes. She threw open her arms and screamed 'take anything you want!' So I took the bike."" The other goes ""Good choic…

3 Women In A Bar A redhead asks the bartender for a ML: Bartender - ""what's a ML?"" redhead - "" Miller Lite - DUH!"" The Brunette asks for a BL: Bartender - ""what's a BL?"" brunette - ""Bud Lite - DUH!"" The Blonde asks for a ""15"" Bartender - ""what's a ""15""?"" Blond - "" Seven and seven - DUH!""

2 blondes in the rain... 2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, ""Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!""

Replacement Windows Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year... …

So I was telling a blonde about the teams playing the Superbowl this year I explained that the it's going to be the Giants vs. the Patriots. The blonde, seeming to be quick one, replies, ""So the Giants are New York, right?"" ""Correct!"" I say, getting my hopes up, ""And the Patriots are New England"" ""Oh,"" the blonde says, with a hint of confusion, ""I didn't know the NFL was international.""

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison... (I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.) A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door. The police begin to search, and they hear a noise comin…

Riding with a Blond A guy was driving down the highway blond girlfriend when she said to him, ""I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"". ""Why is that?"" he said. ""Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, ...stit ruoy su wohs"".

A blonde goes to the doctor The blond says: ""Doctor, doctor, look! Anywhere I touch myself it hurts! -she continues to touch random places on her body she even pokes the doctor's nose and still she lets out a groan- -The Doctor looks at her and thinks to himself and thinks, and then blurs out- ""Your finger is broken""

A blonde walking down the street sees a young boy smoking.""You shouldn't be smoking.What grade are you in ?""asks the blonde. The child says:""I'm in third grade,weren't you smoking when you were in third grade?"" The blonde answers:"" Yes, I was, but I was eighteen years old!""

Two blonde women renovating a house... There are 2 blonde women that decide to buy and renovate a house. The 1st thing they decide is to replace the vinyl siding. So they're working away and the 1st is watching the other and notices that she takes nail out of her tool belt, looks at it, uses it to nail up the siding, takes another nail out, looks at it, throws it over her shoulder, takes another nail out, looks at it, nails up the siding, and this goes on for a little while and finally the 1st b…

Community Service A blonde was sentenced to a couple weeks of community service for a small crime she commited. Once assigned to a supervisor, he explained to her that her job was to paint the yellow line in the middle of the roads. Her quota was 2 miles a day. By the end of the first day, the blonde painted 4 miles of yellow lines. The supervisor was very impressed and gave her compliments on a job well done. By the end of the second day, she had done a little over 2 miles. The supervisor was s…

why are blonde jokes so short so brunettes can rember them

One blonde says to another, ""I slept with a Brazilian last night"". The other blonde says, ""Wow, how many is that""?

A blond is at home And realizes her house is on fire. She runs outside and calls the fire department on her cell phone. When they answer she cries to them in a hysterical voice that her house is on fire. The lady on the other end says ""Mam, can you please stay calm and tell us how to get to your house?"" ""Well duh!! Use your big red truck!!!""

Blond joke Why was the blond happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months? It said 2 to 4 years on the box.

whats the differns between a blonde and a computer you only have to punch the computer once to get the imformation out of it

A blind man walks into a bar... ...and finds a vacant seat and proceeds to order a beer. As he sips his first drink of his nice cold beer she says to the bartender, ""Do you want to hear a joke, it is a really funny blond joke I just heard?"" The bartender looks at the blind man and replies, ""Sir, since you are blind I will kindly do you the service of letting you know that I myself am blond, the woman next to you is blond and is a triathlon athlete, and the three women sitting right behind you…