#blonde

KKK Pastor An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, ""Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."" No one moved. The preacher continued, ""Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forg…

another blonde joke So there's this blonde girl and her boyfriend and both of them are hanging from this bar above a boiling pit of lava. There is only one way either of them can escape - if the other lets go. The guy says, ""I'm going to let go so that you can escape, because I love you so much"". Delighted by this, the blonde starts clapping.

A religious blonde is going bankrupt... She prays to God to win the lottery, so she wouldn't have to sell her car to make it through the week, but alas she doesn't. Next week she prays again to win the lottery, so she doesn't have to sell her house but again she doesn't win the lottery. Having nothing left she prays to win the lottery the third week and again doesn't win. So she starts asking God why he doesn't help her, why he left her to sell her car, her house. Just as she's about to lose her…

So, a blonde, an asian, and an african american are at lunch at school The blonde opens up her lunch box and sees a PB&J. She exclaims ""If I get PB&J one more time I'm going to kill myself."" The asian girl opens her lunch box and sees rice. She says ""If I get rice more time I'm going to kill myself."" The african american girl opens her lunch box and sees chicken. She goes ""If I get chicken one more time, I'm going to kill myself."" The next day they're all at lunch and the same thin…

Blonds and Blind Cowboys An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is …

So..the wife and I were in town shopping.... ..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs. I gently nudged my wife and said ""I bet you wish you still had legs like that!"". She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

A blonde... ...is at a soda machine outside a gas station. A man walks up to her because he sees she has her arms full of soda cans. She put in another quarter, and yet another soda pops out. Another quarter, another can. He finally asked her, ""Why do you keep putting money into the machine? I think you have enough."" She replied, ""I can't help it. I keep winning!""

Another blonde joke. A blonde has her hair dyed brown. A few days later she's out driving through the countryside when she stops her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she says to the shepherd, ""If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"" The shepherd agrees, so the blonde thinks for a moment and says, ""352."" The shepherd is amazed, ""You're right! Which sheep do you want?"" The blonde picks the cutest animal. The shepherd says to her, ""Okay. …

a Mexican, an Irishman, and a blonde are working at a construction site. they break for lunch. Irishman- ""corned beef and cabbage again?! I swear if I get this for lunch one more time, I'll throw myself off the top of this building!"" Mexican- ""enchiladas again?! if I get this for lunch one more time, I'll jump off the top of this building!"" Blond- ""PB&J again?! if I get this for lunch one more time, I'll jump off the top of this building!"" the next day, they all opened their lunches to…

A blond, a brunette and a red head go hiking... and they decide to pull a prank on the blond. They go out and find a rabbit and gut it. The wait until the blond is going to take a crap and throw the rabbit intestines under the blond and run, trying to hold in their laughter. A couple minutes later they hear a blood curdling scream and soon after see the blond running towards them. ""Guys, you'll never believe it! I crapped my guts out, but with God's good grace and these 2 fingers I got them bac…

It's contagious A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. ""Carl,"" she says. Carl says, ""My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious."" ""Very good,"" says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, ""The atmosphere was contagious."" The teacher says, ""Excellent, Suzie!"" Then she notices that littl…

Blonde genies A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He loo…

Bus Stop Blonde In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the …

A rich new york blonde goes to a bank to get a loan She talks to the man and asks for a $5000 loan while she goes on vacation. She puts up her rolls royce as collateral, which is clearly worth far more than $5000. A few weeks later she returns to said bank and asks what she owes. The bank teller says she owes $15 in interest on top of the $5000. After she pays it, he asks her why she put up such a valuable car for such a low sum. She replies, ""Well where else am I going to find parking in New Y…

College Engineer So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle. ""Hey!"" says the college student, ""Where'd you get the motorcycle."" His colleague replied ""You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl in a black skin tight jumpsuit drives up on this motorcycle. She takes one look at me, tore off her leather jumpsuit (which was the only thing she was wearing) points to the motorcycle and…

A drunk applies for a job... In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away! They tested him They gave him a glass with a drink he tried it and said, ""it's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."" That's correct said the boss. Another glass. ""it's red wine, cabernet…

Why we don't serve blondes? A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a diff…

The jigsaw puzzle A blonde called her boyfriend and said, ""Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."" Her boyfriend asked, ""What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"" The blonde said, ""According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."" Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, …

A man is stranded on a deserted island for 10 years. One day, a gorgeous blond woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear arrives on the island. She comes up to the man and says, ""How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"" ""Ten years!"" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, ""Man, oh man! Is that ever good!"" Then she asks, ""How long has it been since you …

Oh Shit, Not again. A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hangin out. A policeman approaches her & says ""Ma'am are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"" She says ""why officer?"" ""Because your breast is hanging out"" he says, She looks down and says "" OH MY GOODNESS, I left the baby on the bus AGAIN!!.

So a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde all work in a very small office One day their boss Ms. White tells them, ""Hey guys, I am going to knock off a little early. I'll see you tomorrow."" Well, the three ladies start talking and they all decide that since the boss wasn't around, they were going to leave too. The red head went to meet her friends at a bar, the brunette called her boyfriend and went to a movie, but the blonde just went home. When she got there she heard noises coming from her bed…

Alligator Shoes After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the mur…

I had a little car accident On the way home from work, I had a little car accident, I braked hard, but still hit the car in front of me. A cute blond got out and shouted ""Ram me up the arse why don't you""?. This, your Honour, is where the confusion began.....

A Jew, A Christian, A Lawyer, A Doctor, A Blonde, and a Biker walk into a bar........ the bartender goes ""what is this some kind of joke or something?!""

A guy is grocery shopping when he sees a beautiful blonde, who smiles and waves at him. She stops to talk to him, and he can't remember who she is. Instead of faking it, he fesses up and says, ""Hi - you look really familiar, but I don't remember how I know you."" She responds, ""My name is Taylor, and I think you're the father of one of my children."" The guy's mind reels with shock, and he thinks back to the only time he was unfaithful to his wife. He asks, ""Were you the dancer at my batchelo…