#blonde

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. ""My God!"" the trooper gasped. ""Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"" ""Yes, officer, I'm just fine!"" the blonde chirped,"" Well, how in the world did this happen?"" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. ""Officer, it was the strangest…

A blonde was walking throught the forest when she heard singing Curious, she followed the sound until she came upon a set of train tracks. A brunette was dancing along the train tracks singing ""27, 27, 27 27..."" The blonde yelled to her, ""Hey! Why are you singing that for?"" The brunette ignores her and continues singing. ""27, 27, 27, 27..."" The blonde shrugs and joins her in dancing and singing besides the train tracks. They both sing, ""27, 27, 27, 27..."" The brunette, still singing, jum…

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, ""This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."" The librarian says to her coworkers, ""So here's the person who took our phone book!""

A blonde was watching the news and saw that two Brazilian skydivers died in a horrific accident. She responds with, ""two Brazilian? Is that more than a billion?"".

Hear about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus Burned her lips on the exhaust pipe

A blonde was speeding.... A blonde was speeding in a 25 mile per hour residental zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The female police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, ""What does a driver's license look like?' Irritated, the blonde cop said, ""Don't be a smartass!, it's got your picture on it!"" The blonde d…

A redhead tells her blonde friend ""I slept with a Brazilian""... The blonde replies, ""Oh my god, you slut! How many is a Brazilian?""

The blonde and the lawyer. A blonde is sat on a plane waiting for everyone to sit down and to get airborne. A guy in an expensive looking suit sits along side her and introduces himself. Disinterested, she says hi and turns towards the window. He asks if she'd like to play a game. She says no. Just after take off he tries again. Explaining this time that the game is question and answer. He asks a question and if she knows the answer he pays her $5. If not... she pays him. She snaps back at him t…

How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke? Three times. Once when you tell the joke. A second time when you explain it and a third time when she understands it. Just kidding. She won't understand it.

Two blondes are sitting on a couch and are watching a movie about the wild-west.... .... The first blonde says: ""I bet you 50 bucks that the cowboy is not going to walk into the trap."" The second blonde agrees. After a few seconds the cowboy walks into the trap and dies. The second blonde says: ""You can keep your money, I already watched the movie and know that he was going to walk into the trap.""The first blonde replies: ""Me too, I just didn't think the cowboy would be that stupid to walk …

A blonde walks into a bar... and asks the bartender to lineup 7 shots. He does, and then the blonde takes the 1st shot and dumps it on the floor. Then the blonde picks up the last shot, and does the same. The bartender, peeved that he has to mop it up, asks indignantly, ""What the hell?! Why did you do that?"" The blonde replies, ""Well, the first one always tastes like shit, and the last one always makes me sick!""

A blond girl walks in to a restaurant While she was there, she met a man who worked as a server. They both fell in love at first sight. At the end of his shift, the girl Safari and the server met up and decided to start dating. Both were passionate about their relationship. After a while, they decided to get married. To make sure that their relationship would always be great, Safari would always use a website which was able to correctly predict the future. She was starting to think that her rela…

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas... and sees a beautiful blonde sitting there with her boyfriend. He pulls out his gun, and shoots the boyfriend. Then he walks up to the girl and asks, ""What a lovely girl like you doing in a place like this all alone.""

What did a blonde's mother tell her blonde daughter? If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

I had to stop my blonde sister from eating pickles I got tired of having to pry the damn jar off of her head

A blond walked went to the doctors office.... A blond walked went to the doctors office complaining that it hurt everywhere she touched The doctor asked her to show him where it hurt. The blond pointed to her leg and said ""ouch!!"" ""Anywhere else?"" The doctor asked. The blond pointed to her arm and once again screamed in pain. The doctor looked at the blonde and said, ""ma'am, your finger is broken.""

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? After you slap it, a mosquito will stop sucking.

A ginger, a brunette and a blonde in Hell Just kidding, how could a ginger go to hell without a soul?

GRAND THEFT AUTO A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, ""Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat...""

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, So after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' This time quite scared, the blonde moved…

A cop pulls over a blonde. A cop pulls over a car for going 30 mph on the interstate. The blonde protests and says ""30 mph was the speed limit on the sign."" The cop chuckles and says ""no maam that is the highway number not the speed limit."" The officer notices her passengers are all rigid, ashen, shaking, and obviously scared. ""Calm down yall. I'm only giving you a warning."" A passenger in the back responds ""that isn't it officer. We just got off the 105 bypass"".

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay. At 1000 feet she radioed him, ""Everything is fine."" At 2000 feet she radioed him, ""Everything is fine, just getting a little cold."" But before she reached 3000 feet the helicopter began to slowly come down. It crashed into the ground ruining the helicopter, but the blonde was fine. The instructor ran to her side to comfo…

With love A very rich woman has three possible suitors for her daughter, and decides to test them. One day, she takes the first one for a walk. She asks him all kinds of questions about his future, education and feelings for her daughter. She's got a good feeling about him, when suddenly an idea strikes her. To test his courage, she jumps in te river. The young man jumps after her immediately, hauls her out of the river and performs CPR. The elder woman is saved. The next morning, he finds a bea…

A gorgeous blonde is trying to board a city bus... but her dress is so tight, it won't allow her to lift her leg high enough to reach the first step. She reaches back and unzips the dress a few inches to allow more flexibility. She tries again, but it still isn't enough. She unzips a little more, starting to worry that she'll give the people behind her a show, but it still isn't enough. She reaches back and unzips a third time, but before she can try the step a man behind her gently wraps his ar…

A husband walks in and sees his beautiful, young blonde wife sitting at a table with a box and all its contents scattered about on the table top. She has a puzzled, frustrated expression on her face as she moves the pieces around. He asks... ""Honey, what are you doing?"". To which she replies ""I've been trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger -- but it's so hard!"" He tells her ""Baby, put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."" Edit: added an omitted word.