#blonde

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of two miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away. The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed four miles on her first day, double the average! ""Great,"" he told her, ""…

A young blonde, leaving home for a one week visit to New York, was told by her mother to put on clean socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on.

A pastor said to his congregation ""Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am deeply embarrassed and do not intend to accept this slur on my character. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness in front of this congregation."" No one moved. The preacher continued, ""Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be f…

A blonde was recently hired at our office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. ""Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, Hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, ""Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."" ""Oh good!""…

A blonde freshman visits the doctor She tells the doctor that she feels sick. The doctor gives her an examination, and tells her that she is pregnant. With wide eyes and a slight tremor in her voice, she asks, ""Is it mine?""

Why does a blonde girl have a bruised belly button? She has a blonde boyfriend.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe .. and placed his order. He said, ""I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."" The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, ""This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"" ""No,"" the cook said. ""Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is …

What does a blonde owl say? Why!

""Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"" The man responds ""Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"" The blonde answers ""Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."" ""Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"" ""That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words""

A blonde is in need of money. The blonde decides to go to a rich neighborhood and do tasks for money. She arrives at a house and rings the doorbell. A man comes out and the blonde says, ""Are there any jobs I can do?"" The man replies with, ""Can you paint my porch for me? I'll pay you $50."" The blonde agrees and gets to work. The man thinks it should take an hour or two due to the fact he has a large porch. After about 20 minutes, the blonde finishes. Impressed, the man hands her $50. However …

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead find themselves lost in the woods They decide that they need to hunt to survive and agree on taking turns hunting. On the first day, the redhead goes out to see what she can catch and comes back dragging a rabbit. The other two, amazed, ask her how she caught the rabbit, to which she replied, ""I simply followed the rabbit's tracks and i caught the rabbit."" The next day, the brunette goes out hunting and returns dragging a deer. The other two, amazed, asked h…

These three blondes where going to purchase a Christmas tree but they then decided to go into the forest to chop down a real one. The first blonde said ""I dont care how long it takes us I want a perfect tree."" The other two blondes agreed saying ""We won't leave untill we find the right one."" Three days later they were still searching. The first blonde looked at her two tired and hungry friends and said ""I promise the next tree we come across we'll chop it down and take it home and i wont ca…

A Blonde Stewardess An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone,…

A blonde orders a pizza A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces. She responds, ""Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces.""

Blonde and a Redhead A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ""I slept with a Brazilian...."" The blonde replies, ""Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?""

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde. The guy jumps at the chance and takes…

A blonde, a redhead, & a brunette are about to be executed A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are about to be executed by firing squad. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, ""Ready . . . Aim . . ."" Suddenly the brunette yells, ""earthquake!!"" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last r…

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool.

A blonde and her two coats While her husband was at work, a blonde decided to paint their living room. After her husband arrives home, he finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a parka and a mink. He asked her what she was doing. She said, ""I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb, and I wanted to do it by painting the living room."" He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but asked, ""Why are you wearing two coats? She replied,…

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

A blonde is driving her car down a desert road in Nevada to meet up with her family. The heat starts to get to her and so she turns on the AC, and changes the channel on the radio so that she maybe distracted from a long winded journey. As she looks back up onto the windshield a cat lays in the middle of the road and she swerves to avoid it. The car flips and is wrecked. The doors fall of the hinges, the hood exposes the engine, and the tires have all blown out. However, the blonde is unharmed. …

The first blonde GUY joke An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: ""Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."" The Mexican opened his lunch and exclaimed, Burritos again!"" If I get burritos one more time in my lunch, I'm going to jump off, too."" The blonde opened his lunch and said, ""Bologna ag…

An Irish, blind, gay, paraplegic blonde woman is wheeled into a bar.. ""Ow!""

One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route. As he was delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a house and realized that they had so much mail that it wouldn't fit in the box, so he decided to knock on the door. As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman stood staring at him. The mailman said ""I'm sorry for bothering you, but I couldn't get all your mail into your box, so here it is."" The woman looked at him and said, ""Why don't you come i…

A blonde is driving down the street... Suddenly she is stopped by a police car. A police officer gets out of the car and walks up to her car and says: ""Ma'am I'm gonna need to see your papers and your drivers license."" The blonde hands him her papers but looks at the police officer confused and asks: ""Aren't my papers and my drivers license the same thing?"" ""No Ma'am, your drivers license is like a small flat thing with a picture of you on it. The blonde is searching her back when she sudde…