#blonde

A blond go into parachute shop She come to the cashier and ask him how to use the parachute, he then explain to her that after she jump, she need to pull the yellow string. She ask him ""But what if i will pull it and the parachute won't open?"". He then explain her that this is a special parachute with backup, and if the yellow string won't open the parachute, then she need to pull the red string to open the second parachute. So then the blond ask him, but what if I will pull the red string but…

Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad.

90,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a ""Blondes Are Not Stupid"" Convention. The leader says, ""We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, ""What is 15 plus 15?"" After 20 or 25 seconds she says, ""Eighteen!"" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 90,000 blondes start cheering, ""Give her another chance! Give her another c…

BodyBuilder and a Blonde The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!' He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.' He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!' The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.' He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks w…

A blonde goes to buy a tv.. A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store. Blonde: I'd like that TV please. Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes. So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store. Blonde: I'd like that TV please. Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes. Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store. Blonde: I'd like that TV please. Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes. Blonde: How did you know I'm b…

how do you kill a blonde with only one arm that climbed a lamppost? You wave to her.

A blonde and her friend were standing on the street talking.. The blonde's friend sees her boyfriend coming out of a flower shop with a big bunch of flowers and says, ""Oh yeah, I suppose he expects me to spend the whole night on my back with my legs in the air now!"" The blonde says, ""Why, do you not own a vase?""

A Blonde boards a airplane... A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, ""I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."" The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats ""I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good…

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead Take a Trip to the Desert and Can Only Bring one Item With Them While they are walking through the sand, the redhead says, ""I brought a jug of water! In case I get thirsty, I'll drink it."" She then looks at the brunette and asks her what she brought. The brunette says, ""I brought a protein bar with me. In case I get hungry, I'll eat it!"" She then turns to the blonde and notices that she's carrying a car door. She says, ""Why in the world would you bring a c…

A Mexican, an Italian and a blonde American construction worker. A Mexican, an Italian and a blonde American construction worker are all sitting to have lunch on the 20th floor of a building they are working on. The Mexican opens his lunch and sees he has tacos. He looks at the other and says ""tacos again, I am so sick of tacos, if I have tacos in my lunch again tomorrow I am going to jump."" The Italian opens his lunch and sees he has pasta he says """"pasta again, I am so sick of pasta, if I …

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners. She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned. However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, ""Come again?"" Giggling, the blonde replied, ""No, just mustard this time.""

[Blonde] A blonde comes home early and finds her husband with another girl... ...so she runs out of the room and the husband follows her. She gets to the kitchen and grabs a gun from the drawer and points it at her head. The husband starts crying as tells her, ""Wait don't do it I still love you it was just a mistake!"" The blonde replies, ""Shut up you're next!""

This blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work. She knocks on one door and a handsome older man opens it up. ""Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"" He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of. ""I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, ladders and everything you'll need next to the car in the garage."" ""Sure, sounds great!"" The man closes the door, chuckling at what a great dea…

A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin. ""No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"" Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells: ""Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next.""

A readhead tells her blonde step-sister ""I slept with 2 Brazilian guys last night!"" The blonde replies, ""Holy shit, you slut! How many is a Brazilian?""

The Dead Rabbit A while back I was driving across the countryside on my home. I saw a sudden flash of brown from the side of the road and felt something hit the car. I pulled over and saw I had hit rabbit. It's little whiskers were twitching, and I could tell he wasn't going to make it. I was trying to think how to put it out of it's misery when another car pulled behind me and a blonde walked out. I explained what happened and she started sobbing. I felt awful, but suddenly she looked up and sa…

Whats the difference between a mosquito & a hot blonde chick? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it

A blonde was asked why her list skipped every other number... She replied I can't even

Two blondes stood on a riverbank across one another... One blonde yells out, ""How do I get to the other side?"" The other blonde replies, ""You ARE on the other side!""

Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out? I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.

A blonde had just started a job felling trees for a local contractor When the day was over the contractor visited to see she'd only chopped down one tree. The contractor asked the blonde what was wrong. ""This saws no good boss, I worked all day but could only do one tree."" ""Let me take a look"" Says the contractor as he starts up the chainsaw. The blonde looks startled, what's that noise boss?

Three friends on an island. Three friends were stuck on an island. A Brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They were starving and on the verge of giving up, when they found a magic lamp. A genie appears and tells them they can have one wish each. ''The only thing i want is to be at home with my family.'' Said the brunette. Her wish was granted. ''That's all I want too, to be at home with my family.'' Said the redhead. Her wish was granted. The blonde is deep in thought. The genie tries to help her a…

Electric Chair Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, ""I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."" They throw…

Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint. Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: ""I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."" ""Quattro is just the name of the car,"" the driver replies in disbelieve. ""Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five persons."" ""You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here,"" sh…

I asked my blonde friend who she voted for. She said, ""I voted for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."" I said, ""Why on earth would you do that?"" ""On the ballot,"" she replied, ""it said 'Vote Both Sides'""