#blonde

A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm When she remembered her dad's advice: ""If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it."" Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, ""Lady, why are you following me?"" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said, ""Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to …

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island. One finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. The first blonde says, ""I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island."" Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what happens and says, ""I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!"" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says, ""I wish I was 50% sma…

Blonde and the bull Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, ""When I get there, if I decide to buy the …

A blonde takes her car to the garage because its been making a funny noise the mechanic has a look and says not much wrong, just sh!t in the carburetter oh she says and how often do i have to do that...

Two blondes and a brunette One day two blondes and a brunette got stuck in an elevator. One blonde starts to yell, ""Help!!!"" Then the other one, ""Help!!!"" The brunette suggests, ""Come on girls, let's scream together, it will be louder."" ""OK,"" agree the blondes, ""Together!!! Together!!!""

A blonde joke you probably haven't heard for a while ... Hillary Clinton

Another blonde joke A professor told his class: ""Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"" A blonde asked, ""Who is 'Seed'?""

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After an excellent, but healthy, lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room. They found a strange looking woman sitting at the entrance who said: ""Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature. It's a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, awards you with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void o…

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.' The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just l…

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

A blonde, a readhead and a brunette in a desert A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, ""Awwww, I wish my friends were here.""

A teenage blonde wanted to earn some money... So she decided to hire her self out as a handy man and started canvassing the neighborhood. She went to the door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. ""Well you can paint my porch,"" he said. ""How much will you charge?"" ""How about $50?"" She answered. The man agreed and told her the paint she would need was in the garage. the man's wife overheard the conversation and said to her husband, ""does she realize t…

Why did the blonde stuff 98 berries in her mouth They were cramberries.

BREAKING NEWS : 99 Blonde women dead in Train Accident The media swarmed the train station in no time and asked an eye witness. He said ""100 blonde women were protesting against all the mockery they are facing due to blonde hair. As soon as there was an announcement saying that the train will arrive shortly ON PLATFORM no.1, 99 of the blonde women protesting jumped from platform to the train track, thus causing the accident"" When the lone survior was asked what made her to not jump with the ot…

A blonde wants to prove to people that she's not just a dumb blonde. So she asks her friend, ""How could I show people I'm smart?"" Her friend says, ""Well- you could start by learning all the provinces and their capitals."" The blonde spends the whole week learning them. It's hard, but she knows it will be worth it when people see how smart she is. The next week she's at a party and a man asks a question. Full of confidence, the blonde says, ""I know the answer!"" The man is sceptical, but she …

A Brunette and a Blonde are robbing the local town bank... The brunette, as the getaway driver, grows increasingly nervous as the minutes pass by and eventually sees the blonde struggling to get out of the building. As the blonde gets through the doorway the brunette finds her pulling a rope she tied around a small safe. The blonde manages to get the safe to the car just as the security guard bursts through front doors with his pants around his ankles. The brunette takes off shouting at the blon…

A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!' She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?' The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. The brunette won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. The blonde won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the women met back at Wal-Mart. The blonde asked the brunette how she liked her prize, to which the brun…

The Interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!' The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?' The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to …

Good joke to drop on most people. A man walks into a bar and see's a sign that says: Hamburgers - $1.00 Cheeseburgers - $2.00 Handjobs - $10.00 So the man approaches the blond, busty, beautiful bartender and says: ""Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"" She replies ""I sure am, sugar!"" ""Great. Wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.""

How do you know when a grenade is thrown by a blonde? When you can pull the pin and throw it back

Why did the blonde keep coat hangers under her seat? In case she locks her keys in her car.

A Blonde Drives Past a Wheat Field A blonde woman is driving past a wheat field, when she sees another blonde in the wheat field in a rowboat just rowing like mad. She drives past, but as she gets farther away, she becomes irate and drives back to the wheat field. She jumps out of the car and yells, ""You know, it's blondes like you that give us other blondes a bad reputation, and if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!""

Three blonde women stumble across some tracks... The first one spots them in a large clearing and beckons her friends over. ""Look! I think I've found some deer tracks!"" The second woman snorts. ""Nonsense,"" she exclaims, ""those look like bear tracks to me."" ""Well they can't be both,"" says the third blonde impatiently. ""So what kind of tracks are they?"" And then the train hits them.

A Blonde Tries To Solve A A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies ""I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."" The husband shakes his head and says ""honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box""