#blonde

Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river One blonde calls out to the other, ""How do I get to the other side?"" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, ""But you're already on the other side.""

Duck Hunting Joke What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever

So a blonde and her two friends went hunting... The first woman comes back with a rabbit, to the amazement of the second woman, who proceeds to ask ""How'd you do it?"" To which the first replies ""Found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the rabbit, shot the rabbit, rabbit stopped."" The second woman then goes out and comes back with a deer, to the amazement of the blonde, who proceeds to ask ""How'd you do it?"" The second woman says ""found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the deer, sho…

Amish boy and his father were in a mall... A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in…

Life With A Blonde Teenager SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car. Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl's name is? Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are. Lauren: You're no fun, Dad. Forget it. Me: What is a vowel? Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is ... ahh ... eh ... well, oh ... uh ... Me: Close enough.

Three blonde ladies are sitting in a cafe chatting about various things. one lady says, ""You know, I'm getting really forgetful.This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."" The second lady says, ""You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woke up!"" The third lady smiles smugly, ""Well, my memory's just as good as …

A blonde was driving along in the countryside just enjoying the views and the rolling hills, when suddenly she happened upon another blonde sitting in a boat in the middle of the field, pulling the oars like her life depended. Our hero slammed the brakes and exited her car, storming towards the boat and the still-rowing fair-haired woman: ""What the hell are you doing rowing a boat out here in the middle of nowhere?"" asked our motoring passerby. ""I'm trying to get to the city, if you must know…

An old blonde joke I was told years ago. A blond driving down a rural road sees a wheat field and notices something strange, another blonde that appears to be swimming. She pulls over, stands at the field and yells, ""Excuse me what are you doing?"". The other one replies, ""I heard about the these amber waves of grain in a song and wanted to see if they were like ocean waves"". The one blond shakes her head angrily, ""I should whip your ass!"". The blonde in the field says, ""Excuse me?"". ""Yo…

A blonde and a red head met in a bar after work... ...for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, ""I'll take that bet!"" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, ""I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."" The blond…

I asked a blonde, ""How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?"" She answered, ""Two. But they can't fit inside a light bulb to screw in it, silly.""

Stranded Irishman One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. ""It's certainly not a ship,"" he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, ""Tell me how long has it been since…

3 women are sitting at a bar.. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde. The brunette says, ""I'm so tight, my husband can only fit 3 fingers in me."" The redhead says, ""I'm so tight, *my* husband can only fit 1 finger in me!"" The blonde, meanwhile, slides down her stool.

A blonde is at the diner A blonde is at a diner and when the waitress comes to take the order, the blonde reads the name tag out loud: 'Debbie, how sweet.... what do you call the other one?'

Blonde Brain Cells Q: How do blondes' brain cells die? A: Alone.

A blonde escapes from prison... There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, ""There's just three burlap sacks in here!"" To which his partner replies, ""Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding"". The officer g…

A blonde fox gets caught in a fox trap... After a minute the fox realizes the only way out is to chew off it's leg. Three legs later... it's still in the fox trap.

My favourite blonde joke So a blonde, a brunette and a red head all escaped from prison. As they were running out of the prison they came across a barn and thought they should hide in there until the police stopped looking for them. As they arrive they saw a few empty sacks and decided to hop into the different ones. A few minutes later they hear the police sirens right outside the barn, they heard the police hop out and one of them said ""yeah, they ain't in here."" The other said ""just kick t…

A blonde is hanging out on the terrace of a 30 storied building, when suddenly a co worker runs in and says ""Jane! I just heard! Your husband and daughter were in a car accident and they passed away! I am so sorry for your loss!"" The blonde, distraught, jumps off the terrace. As she is falling and crosses the 20th floor, she realizes she doesn't have a daughter. As she crosses the 10th floor, she realizes she's not married. As she is about to hit the pavement she realizes her name is not Jane.

""Shut up ... you're next!"" A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: ""Shut up ... you're next!""

A man shows up at a barber shop an after after closing. One time this guy showed up an hour after closing. I had just finished clearing out the register and I was getting ready to leave. I had taken a moment to arrange the combs by order of size. I'm just weird about little things such as that. I heard a gentle tapping at the door. I glanced up. I saw this distraught man with this long golden blonde hair staring back at me. I approached the door cautiously. I kindly let the man know the barber s…

A married couple... A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that'? The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear'. Not my joke, I heard it through the great Vine

Three pregnant blondes are sitting in the OB's office... The first blonde says ""My husband says we're having a boy because he was on top when we did it."" The second one says ""I must be having a girl because I was on top when we did it."" The third blonde bursts into tears and says ""I'm having puppies!""

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, ""Pig #1, do you know your mission?"" The pig replies, ""Oink oink Houston. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."" Then NASA Control asks the second pig, ""Pig #2, do you know your mission?"" The second pig replies, ""Oink oink Houston. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, cl…

No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president.. there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months..

Blonde Joke A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!