#blonde

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.

Two blond cowboys... Two blond cowboys (duke and matt) walk into a saloon. While they are at the bar, a man walks in and put an Indian head on the bar. The bartender hands the man $100. The two blond cowboys ask why. The bartender says. ""Indians killed my family. I'll pay a $100 for every Indian head brought to me."" The two cowboys decide to get some money. They ride out on the Prarie and spot an indian. They begin chasing him and he falls into a ravine. They see he is dead so they climb down …

[long] Another blond guy joke... Three best friends worked in construction together on the same crew. They were working on the 20th floor of a building when they stopped for their lunch break. They sat on the edge of the building, legs dangling over the edge, enjoying the view as they ate their lunches. Guido opened his lunch box and yelled in frustration, ""Pasta! Pasta! Every day it's pasta! If I get pasta in my lunch tomorrow, I'm gonna jump!"" Jose then opened his lunch and exclaimed, ""Tort…

Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!

On his first day on the job, a blond cop shoots and kills 3 black men His commander pulls him aside and says ""Good job, rookie. Don't worry, we'll get you off the hook for this. But why kill 3? We only told you to kill 1"". He replies, ""No, you told me to shoot a black per son. My wife and I have 3 boys.""

How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer? There is white-out on the screen. How do you know that another blonde has been using the computer? Someone has written on the white-out.

BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. ""I can't get out of my room,"" she cried. ""What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, Do Not Disturb'.""

at the ob/gyn's office..... a redhead, a brunette and a blonde all very much pregnant are sitting in their Drs. office waiting room talking. The redhead says she is going to have a boy because they did it when she was on top. The brunette says they are having a girl because she was on the bottom. They see the blonde crying ask her what's wrong... She says... wer're going to have PUPPIES!!! waaaahhhhh

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

The circus came to town and needed a new lion tamer. The ringmaster put an ad in the local paper asking for the people of the town to come in for tryouts for the lion tamer job. The next day there was a long line of town folk waiting to take their turn at lion taming. At the front of the line is a beautiful blonde in a trench coat. The ring master says, to the blonde ""Are you ready for your tryout?"" She replies ""Yes"" and the ring master puts her in the cage with the lion. The lion roars and …

One winter morning... a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say,""We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so that the Snowplows can get through."" So the good blond wife went out and moved her car. Again, a week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, ""We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered sid…

A blonde woman is in a restaurant She eats her entree but instead of eating her vegetables she just stares longingly at them while using her fork to make circular motions in them. After about 15 minutes of this her waiter walks over and asks her what she's doing. ""Duh, being fashionable"" ""...what?"" ""Everyone knows it's in style to want whirled peas but that we can't realistically ever have it""

the 'winning' blonde A blonde is strolling down the street and spots a soda drink dispensing vending machine... She puts in $1, pushes the button and a soda can pops out. Impressed by this she puts in another $1, pushes the button and another soda can pops out. 20min later a man walks past and spots the blonde at the soda drink dispensing vending machine and sees around 100 soda cans over flowing the floor. ""what are you doing, don't you think you have an excessive amount of soda cans?"" Asks t…

An Amnesiac Walks Into... An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, ""So, do I come here often?""

Three tampons are walking down the street. ... One is a blonde, one is a redhead, and one is a brunette. Which one of them says hello to you as you pass? None of them, because they're all stuck up cunts.

How do you know a blonde has been on your PC There is typex all over the screen

A blonde with headphones goes to the barber... When he asked her what haircut she wants, she responded: Just cut everything but without taking the headphones off. The barber thought it was weird but he just did it. A month later the blonde with headphones comes again to the barber. He asks her which haircut she wants and she responded the same: Cut everything but without taking the Headphones off. The barber still thinks it is weird but he just does it. The next month the Blonde comes again and …

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair.......... A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...y…

A blonde walks into a shop... ... and over to a shelf. She points, and asks the shopkeeper, ""Can I buy this TV?"" The shopkeeper replies ""Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."" The blonde huffs and makes her way to the hairdresser's, where she gets her hair dyed brown. She returns to the shop and repeats her question. Again, the shopkeeper informs her ""Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."" The blonde returns to the hairdressers, dyes her hair red, buys a new hat and sunglasses, and changes her cloth…

What do you call a blond skeleton in the closet? The winner of hide and seek.

Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. ""Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"" The blonde said, ""How about 50 dollars?"" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversat…

A blonde wants to buy a T.V. A blonde walks into a shop and asks the owner ""I'd like to buy a television"". The owner says ""I don't sell to blondes."". The women walks out of the store frustrated. She comes in again the next day after dying her hair black. She asks the owner ""I'd like to buy a television"". The owner says ""I don' sell to blondes"". Confused, the woman asks, ""how did you know i was blonde?"". The owner answered, ""Only a blonde would walk into a microwave shop asking for a T…

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decided to take a vacation to Australia. None of them made it back alive. The redhead hopped off the plane and headed straight for the beach. She was eaten by a shark shortly thereafter. The brunette was tired after her long flight, so she headed straight for her hotel to take a nap. After her nap, she got up to head to the opera, but a spider had slipped into her shoes and when she tried to put them on she was bitten and died. The blonde was found drowned in …

A blonde, a brunette, and a Redhead are all in a bar The bartender goes up to them and says ""Hey ladies, I can grant you a wish if you can tell me one true statement."" ""However if you lie to me, you will disappear. Skeptical, the redhead goes up first and says ""Okay, then I think I am the prettiest one in this room."" The bartender says ""True, what's your wish?"" The redhead wishes for a diamond necklace and receives it and leaves the bar happy. Surprised, the brunette goes next eagerly and…

What did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg? ""Between us, I think we can make a lot of money!""