GRAND THEFT AUTO A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, ""Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat...""
Me: My son totaled another car. Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons? M: yes P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO ARUBA!
*wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING
Sometimes I think I should introduce myself to my neighbors just so they don't describe me to the police as "Quiet and keeps to herself."
Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?
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