#blonde

A blonde, brunette, and red head are trapped on an cliff... A blonde, brunette, and redhead are trapped on a cliff with a magic genie. The genie says, ""I want to play a game. You each run, jump off the cliff and say something to get you off the cliff alive."" so the brunette runs, jumps and says "" I wish I was an airplane!"" so she turned into an airplane and flew away. Then the redhead decides to go. She runs, jumps of the cliff and says "" I wish I was a bird!"" so she turned into a bird and…

So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall... and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff. ""Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders."" To which the blonde replies, ""How do you give shoulders?""

Miniskirt A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A busty blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Being a gentleman, a man lets her onto the bus first. She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. The miniskirt was far too tight. Smiling apologetically to everyone, she reaches back to unzips the zipper a little. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. She reaches around her back, unz…

You know what I want A guy taking a overnight train settles down in his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He looks down behind the curtain, its a beautiful blonde woman. She takes off her blouse and removes her falsies, she takes off her false eyelashes, she removes a fake eye, takes out her false teeth, and puts her prosthetic leg on the nightstand. Just then she looks up and see him. Naturally she is horrified and yells "" What do you want?"" He says "" Y…

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig. The punishment for such an offense is obviously death by firing squad. In the holding cell, waiting for their fate, Red head says to the other two, ""I have an idea! follow my lead!"" Upon being called, Red head walks up, stands in front of the wall facing the line of rifles pointed at her head. The Emperor yells ""Ready! Aim!"" and the red head shouts ""TORNADO!!"" The men with the rifles are so scared of the impending …

A Brunette, a blonde, and a ginger are all running from the cops. They run into an alley behind a restaurant. Behind the restaurant there is only a dumpster and a half full of sack of potatoes. The ginger hides in the dumpster, the brunette hides behind the dumpster, and the blonde hides in the sack of potatoes. The cops round the corner and approach the inside dumpster. The ginger meows and the cops say, ""Oh its only a cat, they aren't in here."" The cops then approach behind the dumpster. The…

Giving blondes a bad name A blonde woman is driving her car on an empty road past a field of corn one day, and spots a strange sight. In the middle of the field, a blonde girl is sitting in a rowboat, attempting to paddle to the road. Furious, the woman stops her car and gets out. She shouts to the girl, ""What are you doing out there? You look ridiculous! I'm tired of people giving blondes a bad name and making us look stupid!"" The girl replies, ""I'm just trying to get back to the edge, can't…

What to do when a blonde throws a grenade at you... What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

Rabbit and the blonde A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the…

Two Priests going on vacation to Hawaii were... determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their ""tourist"" garb They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ""drop dead gorgeous"" blonde in a topless bikini came walkin…

dumb blonde A blond walk into a hair salon with headphones on and sits down in a chair. The blonde asks the woman working there for a haircut. The woman takes of the headphones and cuts the blondes hair. After she is finished she looks down and to her surprise finds the blonde dead. The woman puts on the headphones and hears this ""Breathe in.....Breathe out.....Breath in.......Breath out""

Good Blonde Joke A blind guy walks into a lesbian bar and orders a drink. He sits for a while and doesnt hear much so he asks if anyone wants to hear a blonde joke. The bartender says, before you tell your joke I want you to know that there is a big blonde softball player sitting next to you, two blondes that cage fight playing pool behind you, and I myself am a blonde female hockey player...So, do you still want to tell you joke? No. The man replies, not if Im going to have to explain it four t…

A better blonde joke What is the difference between a brick and a blonde? If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home.

What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? Wow!! Donut seeds!!!!

There was a stand-up comedian notorious for his practical jokes. So one day, during a performance, he asked that anyone from the audience come on to the stage. A blond girl walked up. He asked her, ""Can you tell us a joke?"". The blond girl was well aware that the comedian was trying to pull some prank. She had decided that, no matter what, she would not fall for any of his tricks. So she took the mike from him, and proudly announced to the audience: ""I'm not stupid!"". It took a whole minute …

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. ""It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels."" He said. ""Impressive,"" said the manager. The man is given another. ""Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats."" The manager was am…

Carpet matches the curtains 10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, ""My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"" Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head. Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains. The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They me…

So there are two blondes stranded on an island.... One of them finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie pops out. He says, ""I shall grant you each one wish"". The blonde who rubbed the lamp requests a cell phone to call for help, however, it was useless because there was no reception on the island. The second blonde said, ""I want to be smarter than this other blonde!"" So, the genie pointed her to the bridge.

A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye. She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, ""Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."" The guy freaks out. He says, ""I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"" She says, ""I'm your son's Sunday school teacher.""

You've Got Blonde A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it close…

Blonde Cookbook! MONDAY: The recipe for today is angel food cake. You have to beat 12 eggs separately, so I'm lucky the neighbors had some extra bowls to let me borrow. TUESDAY: Fruit salad supper, serve without dressing. I didn't get dressed at all, as per recipe, and what a surprise when my boyfriend brought his friends home for supper. WEDNESDAY: Rice pilaf, wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. I took a good bath and washed very thoroughly, even between my toes. The taste of the rice was…

Horrible Accident A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. ""My God!"" the trooper gasped. ""Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"" ""Yes, officer, I'm just fine"" the blonde chirped. ""Well, how in the world did this happen?"" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. ""Officer, it …

Blonde School Girl A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: ""Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"" ""Yes, darling, very good."" Answers the mom. ""Is that because I'm blonde?"" she asks. ""Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde."" The mom says. Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: ""Mummy, today at school we learnt…

The Test John was very happy to be meeting his fiance's parent's for the first time. They agreed to meet at his house then drive to the local steakhouse. John arrived at the house on time and knocked on the door. His soon to be father in law answered it with a stern look on his face. John was invited in and was introduced to his future mother in law as well. John knew his fiance was already at the steakhouse waiting for them all to get there, so he suggested on leaving. The father in law asked J…

A blonde and a brunette bought a farm... ...and although the farm came stocked with a barn full of hay, some chickens, and a few horses, they only had one cow and needed a bull to raise more. They checked the newspaper listings and found a bull for sale a few hundred miles away. The brunette bought a train ticket and took their remaining $50 to buy the bull. When she arrived, the seller refused any offers below $45, leaving the brunette without enough cash to get her and the bull home. She decid…