#einsteins

sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic

I was gonna do a tweet about Albert Einstein's IQ but I couldn't get it under 140.

7 y/o daughter: Why don't they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape? And now I know what Einstein's parents felt like

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20. Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him. ""...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!"" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. ""Gotcha, Newton!"" To which Newton responds, ""Nope. Pascal!""

Blonde Smarts *Note; this joke as I originally heard it involves blondes by convention; if you're offended by this stereotyping, replace it with your own generic cultural symbol of dullness. --- Blondes around the world began getting tired of being constantly mocked. The taunts were beginning to get to them, and the poor blondes were not going to tolerate being the butt of every joke any more. ""We are not as dumb as you think,"" they proclaimed, ""and we will go to whatever lengths necessary to…

einstein's riddle einstein needs to travel so he takes the plane, in the seat next to him a man looking bored is staring at the clouds, to entertain himself and make a bit of money he makes a deal with the man, einstein says with confidence : 'for every riddle you tell me that i cant answer i will give you 500 dollars, but if you cant answer mine you will have to give me 50 dollars' , the man accepts the deal and asks to start first, enstein accepts, the man says:' what has 5 legs in the morning…

Einstein's mother asks him ""are you happy."" Einstein replies ""relatively.""

Back when Einstein was giving lectures to Universities, he traveled by car. During one journey to a certain university, his driver remarked ""Dr. Einstein, I have heard you deliver that lecture over 20 times. I know it by heart and I am certain I could give it myself."" Einstein thought for a bit and replied ""Well, I'll give you the chance. They don't know me at the next University, so when we get there, I'll put on your cap, and you introduce yourself as Dr. Einstein and give the lecture"". Su…

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity? Damn, son. It's about time!

My Most Favorite When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. ""I have an idea, boss,"" his chauffeur said. ""I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."" Eins…

Two guys are talking about their family histories... GUY 1: Hey, I heard you're Einstein's distant cousin. GUY 2: I'm not sure, really. It's just a theory of relativity.

I think my girlfriend's love for Einstein's theories is driving us away from each other. But, hey. I'll be a good guy and understand if she just wants some time and space.

All scientists in heaven were playing hide and seek... It was Einstein's turn to seek, so he went to a corner and started counting down from ten. All other scientists ran away hurriedly, except Newton. Newton calmly took out a piece of chalk from his pocket and drew a square on the ground with each side one metre long. As soon as Einstein was about to turn, he stepped into the box he had drawn with a smug smile. Einstein turned and immediately pointed towards Newton and started shouting, ""You'r…

Einstein's chauffeur. When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making. ""I have and idea, boss,"" his chauffeur said. ""I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you.…

My SO told me she had never heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity before today. I said, ""It's about time!""

Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels? Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.lt's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims ""Newton! I found you! You're it!"" Newton smiles and says ""You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!""

Funny Albert Einstein Joke (not mine) An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is: When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. ""I h…

British Redneck Joke Bubba Windsor and Earl Spencer had just finished a leisurely tour of The Fitzwilliam Museum at Grove Lane and a gourmet repast at Loch Fyne Restaurant Ltd. on Trumpington St. On this fine afternoon they were proceeding northwest toward King's Parade and their destination, St Catherine's College of Cambridge University in order to attend a lecture by Malcolm Longair, CBE FRS on astrophysical cosmology. As the two foppish gentlemen strolled they discussed Einstein's concern wi…

Einsten, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. Its Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein and stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims ""Newton! I found you! You're it!"" Newton smiles and says ""you didn't find me, yo…

Speechmaking When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. ""I have an idea, boss,"" his chauffeur said. ""I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."" Einstein…

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. ""I have an idea, boss,"" his chauffeur said. ""I've heard you give this speech so many times, I'll bet I could give it for you."" Einstein laughed loudly and said, ""Why …

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Speechmaking When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. "I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laug…

The one to your dumb friend... A guy sees an ad on the window of a store with the words "Selling brains". Curious, he walks in and asks the shopkeeper what kind of brains he's selling. Shopkeeper: "I've got Einstein's brain who won a Nobel Prize and discovered the Universe's secret equation. He was the world most brilhant physicist. I can sell it for 3k." Guy: "What about that one?" SK: " That's the brain of Galileu Galilei. He was the great astronomer who supported that the Earth revolves a…