#albert

I was gonna do a tweet about Albert Einstein's IQ but I couldn't get it under 140.

Bert is walking with Albert through the park and says, ""I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."" Albert says, ""What's the name of his other leg?""

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and go seek Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting, while Pascal dashes off to hide. Newton stays where he is and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square in the dirt and steps into it. Once Einstein finishes counting, he notices Newton and says ""AHA, I've found you Newton!"" To which Isaac Newton replies ""you didn't find Newton, Albert. You found a Pascal""

Kids parents jobs One day in class the teacher asked the kids what their dads did for a job. The teacher first asked little Albert what his dad did... ""My dads a fireman"" said Albert The teacher then asked little Susie... ""My dads a police officer"" said Susie The teacher then asked little johnny what his dad did... ""My dads dead"" said johnny The teacher then asked ""well what did he do before he died"" Little johnny said ""he turned green and shat on the carpet""

Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels? Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!

Albert, Issac, and Blaise are playing ""hide and seek."" Albert closes his eyes and begins to count as Blaise takes off, running to hide. Issac stoops over and marks a square with sides exactly one meter long, then steps into it. Albert finishes the count, opens his eyes, and announces, ""Pascal, I have found you!"" Pa=N/m2

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit. The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put …

Knock Knock Who's there ! Albert ! Albert who ! Albert you don't know who this is !

George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked 'can Albert come out to play?' 'No said the mother 'it's too cold.' 'Well then' said George ' can his football come out to play ?'

Einstein, Picasso and George W. Bush stand before the Pearly Gates Einstein, Picasso and Bush stand before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter gets out to greet them and says: "I'll let you in, but first you have to prove that you are who you say you are." Einstein: "That's easy. Could you give me a blackboard and some chalk, please?" St. Peter snaps his fingers, a blackboard and chalk appear, and Einstein writes a few formulas while explaining the theory of relativity. "I believe you, it really is…

A blonde takes part in a game show [Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"] First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last? a) 99 years b) 116 years c) 100 years d) 150 years The blonde prefers to use her one free pass joker at this point, so here comes the next question: where does the Panama hat originate from? a) Ecuador b) Venezuela c) Colombia d) Panama T…

Einstein: Honey, I finally finished my paper on space! Mrs. Einstein: It’s about time, Albert. Einstein: Holy cow! How did you know?

How do you call a black man in space? Nasa first called it Albert

What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde? Nobody would know

“Hello! Hello!” exclaimed the elderly woman upon answering the telephone. “Who is this?” “Albert.” “Who? I can’t hear a word you say.” “Albert” shouted the young man. “A-l-b-e-r-t. A for Arthur, L for Lionel, B for Bertram, E for Edward, R for Robert, T for Tommie.” “Yes, yes” replied the old lady. “But which of you boys wants to speak to me!?”

Knock Knock Who's there? Albee! Albee! Albee a monkey's uncle! Knock Knock Who's there? Albert! Albert who! Albert you don't know who this is! Knock Knock Who's there? Alison! Alison who? Alison it's dark outside! 1695. Knock Knock Who's there? Alli! Alli who? Alligator, that's who! Knock Knock Who's there? Allied! Allied who? Allied, so sue me!

An elderly man pondered whether his wife’s hearing capacity was deteriorating. One night he crept up behind the sofa where she was seated and said, “Darling, can you hear anything?” No response. So he moved a bit closer and asked her again. Still no response. He then moved right up to her ear and asked again. She shouted, “For the third damn time Albert, yes I can hear you!”