#einstein

Einstein took naps during the day. So if you want to be smarter, my advice is to take more naps while having an IQ of 160.

people say Einstein dropped out of school and still was a genius but he didn't drop out to drink fireball and start a band this is important

sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic

I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein.

If you can't find the source of a quote, attribute it to Kurt Vonnegut, Einstein, Dorothy Parker, or H. L. Mencken and move on.

I just answered two Jeopardy questions in a row. This must be what Einstein must have felt like.

e=mc2 was just Einstein comparing himself to other rappers

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20. Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him. ""...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!"" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. ""Gotcha, Newton!"" To which Newton responds, ""Nope. Pascal!""

Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek... Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein starts counting ''1...2....3....4....'' Pascal immediately runs of and hides somewhere. Newton however grabs a marker and draws a square around him, each line exactly a meter long. When Einstein is done counting he quickly spots Newton and yells ''found you Newton!''. Newton smiles and replies ''I'm not Newton, I'm Pascal.''

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon... Einstein is bored, so he suggests a game of hide and seek and pretends to be ""It"". The others agree, so Einstein begins counting, ""One...Two...Three.."" Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide. But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, ""Ready or not! Here I come!"" Einstein looks up immediately and spots Newton standing right …

einstein's riddle einstein needs to travel so he takes the plane, in the seat next to him a man looking bored is staring at the clouds, to entertain himself and make a bit of money he makes a deal with the man, einstein says with confidence : 'for every riddle you tell me that i cant answer i will give you 500 dollars, but if you cant answer mine you will have to give me 50 dollars' , the man accepts the deal and asks to start first, enstein accepts, the man says:' what has 5 legs in the morning…

Einstein's mother asks him ""are you happy."" Einstein replies ""relatively.""

Back when Einstein was giving lectures to Universities, he traveled by car. During one journey to a certain university, his driver remarked ""Dr. Einstein, I have heard you deliver that lecture over 20 times. I know it by heart and I am certain I could give it myself."" Einstein thought for a bit and replied ""Well, I'll give you the chance. They don't know me at the next University, so when we get there, I'll put on your cap, and you introduce yourself as Dr. Einstein and give the lecture"". Su…

Einstein and driver One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the big guys in science. On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him : ""I'm sick of all this conferences, I always say the same things over and over !"" The drivers agrees, "" You're right, as your driver I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference at your place."" ""That's a great idea ! "" says Eistein,"" lets switch places then !"" So they swi…

#1939 One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world... One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world. On the way there, he tells his driver, that looks a bit like him, ""I'm sick of all these conferences, I always say the same things over and over!"" The drivers agrees, ""You're right, as your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."" ""T…

I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger

What do you call it when Einstein faps? A stroke of genius.

My girlfriend is into scat.... [A few quickfire, awful puns] My girlfriend's into some weird stuff, into scat, not the avant garde ska derived musical genre mind you, I mean...ask yer mother. She's also into australian accents, and has a particular affinity for fictional planets, in particular, superman's home planet is a particular turn on. I mean when she showers she has to use a Lex Loofah. Anyway, I'm racking my brains with how to satisfy her; the accent; the poo and fictional planets eventu…

What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding? ""Speed is relative, officer.""

Scientist Joke Blatantly Stolen from Askreddit. Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing hide-and-seek. While Einstein was counting; Pascal hid behind a tree and Newton stood in the middle of the playground, drew a box that was one meter by one meter. Einstein finished counting and saw Newton standing there in the open. ""I found you Newton!"" Newton replied, ""I'd wager you found pascal"". De Broglie was watching them and decided to wave back.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it. When Einstein turns around, he exclaims ""Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you"" . Newton replies ""you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal""

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and go seek Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting, while Pascal dashes off to hide. Newton stays where he is and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square in the dirt and steps into it. Once Einstein finishes counting, he notices Newton and says ""AHA, I've found you Newton!"" To which Isaac Newton replies ""you didn't find Newton, Albert. You found a Pascal""

[JOKE REQUEST] Edison, Tesla and Einstein walk into a bar... Not sure if this is the right sub for this, but I'm shooting a short film in the next 3 weeks and the script calls for a joke about Edison and Tesla to make a scene work. Problem is: I can't find a SINGLE one. You would think with all the tension swirling around Edison and Tesla via ""The War of Currents"" that there would be a few good ones. That being said... does anyone know any Edison/Tesla jokes? I'm having a strangely hard time w…

Einstein walks into a bar The bartender says ""Run, everyone! It's a zombie!""

Pablo Picasso, Albert Einstein, and Donald trump arrive in heaven. Saint Peter tells them that if they can prove that they really are who they say they are, they can go in. Picasso starts painting immediately, creating a master piece. Saint Peter thanks him and lets him in. He then turns to Einstein, who explains the theory of general relativity to him. Saint Peter thanks him and lets him in. He then turns to Trump, who is looking bemused, and tells him ""If you can prove who you are, I will let…