#nick

Hi guys! Nick is very handsome and an amazing cook. Are there any nice girls interested inMOM GET OFF MY TWITTER YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING

WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame... (I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this) Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war. Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp. Player1: My god that's awful... Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower. Player1 has left the game

The danger of eating Chili I went grocery shopping this weekend, which in hindsight may not have been very wise. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to shit yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful,which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your ass cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coff…

Joke about lottery Nick makes a deal with his friend Richard to buy a donkey for 100$. Nick gives the money and says he will be back the next day to pick up the donkey, because he needs to prepare the spot. The following day he comes to see Richard, but the donkey is dead. Nick demands a refund. Richard says he cannot do that, because he had already drank away the money. Nick says ""What the hell"" and takes the dead donkey. Few weeks later they run into each other. Richard asks ""What did you d…

My girlfriend is into scat.... [A few quickfire, awful puns] My girlfriend's into some weird stuff, into scat, not the avant garde ska derived musical genre mind you, I mean...ask yer mother. She's also into australian accents, and has a particular affinity for fictional planets, in particular, superman's home planet is a particular turn on. I mean when she showers she has to use a Lex Loofah. Anyway, I'm racking my brains with how to satisfy her; the accent; the poo and fictional planets eventu…

my chilli fart.... went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to Shit yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cup…

So while Lane Kiffin was managing the Alabama offensive... he had Nick Saban's daughter handling the D?

What did Jack say when Nick called him a son of a bitch? He couldn't say anything. He was a dog.

Man Gets Biggest Shock Ever After Eating A Hot Chilli. This Is Insane I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that said course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'Killer Chili'. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that mornin…

Is this whey too many jokes? Joke 1: So two fitness junkies are chatting when one says to the other, ""hey, what kind of supplements do you use?"" The other respond by saying ""I don't use any, bro!"" Fitness junkie number one asks, ""not even protein powder?"" Fitness junkie number two then says ""nope, none!"" Fitness junkie number one, noticing the rather large muscles of fitness junkie number, responds in awe, ""no whey..."" Joke 2: Nick Carter is walking through a GNC, looking to buy some w…

Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know. A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack. Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous Mick Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat. Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment? Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller) Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the …

Two brothers enter the unemployment office... After their pantyhose company had a dramatic decrease in sales and had to drastically downsize. Since their mother passed, John, the older brother had always been tasked to care for his younger brother, Nick, who happened to be mentally challenged. John had helped Nick throughout their life, up to and including helping him to obtain his job at the factory, and here again he was helping to steer them through the unemployment application process. At th…

Home Depot. long but worth it I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to poop yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morn…

Liza was driving with Ernie... [nsfw] Liza was on a country drive with her boyfriend Ernie, when she realized she simply ""had to go"" to the bathroom. She kept waiting and waiting for a gas station to appear, but finally a rough bridge got the best of her. She screamed: ""Stop the car, Ernie!"" He did, she leaped out right in the middle of the bridge, ran to the railing, hiked her skirt, and stuck her rather large rear-end over the railing, just in the nick of time! Heaving a sigh of relief as …

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller He can tell from her name-plate her name is Patricia Whack. 'Ms. Whack I'd love to get $30,000 to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief, and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that its okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says 'sure I have this,' and he produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall, br…

A blond is hiking through the woods when she hears someone counting up ahead. She emerges from the tree line to find a brunette doing jumping jacks on a set of train tracks repeating, ""10, 10, 10..."" upon every jump. The blonde says to the brunette, ""Excuse me for wondering, but what exactly are you doing?"" The brunette replies, ""It's a great game I just learned called '10' but I have no one to play with. Want to join me?"" ""You bet!"" So the blonde jumps onto the train tracks with glee an…

An Existential Question If given the choice between eating outside and watching the Nickelodeon network, what would you do? I'd pick Nick.

joke I heard a while ago, not sure if it's been posted (new to reddit) Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his des…

A Doctor Joke As she laid there next to me starting to sleep I said to myself, ""Nick, I'm sure you aren't the only doctor to sleep with their patient. But then another voice told me, ""Nick, you are a veterinarian.""

What the teacher says and (what the teacher means) 1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed informationfrom his classmates. (He was caught cheating on a test). 2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability. (The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes). 3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction. (He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met). 4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicati…

Language Lessons Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner: "Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?" "Flied lice!" Just as it has done for years, this sends Nick into paroxysms of laughter, and makes Chan feel ashamed of his English skills. Chan's daughter signs him for ESL classes, and Chan works hard at impr…

For five years my mother tucked me in at night... she really wanted a girl Credit goes to my friend Nick for telling me this one. Hi Nick!

Nick the Dragon slayer... Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it. Without …

Honest Criminals A man was pulled over by the police on the highway for speeding. The cop instructed the man to roll down his window. "Were you aware of how fast you were just driving!?" the cop said. "Yes, I was trying to escape the scene of a robbery I was involved in." the man replied. "What!? As the victim or burglar?" the cop was quite shocked. "Burglar, sir. I have the loot in the back of the car." the man said calmly. "I am afraid you will have to come with me, sir," and the cop rea…

A woman that was expecting twins starts going into labor a month early She calls her husband, who is out of town on a work trip, to tell him that the babies are coming early. “Honey, everything is going to be okay. I’ll call my brother, Bubba. He can take you to the hospital and stay with you until I get there. I’m headed back now.” The husband calls Bubba. “Shore thing, I can take ‘er,” says Bubba. After frantically changing his flight, checking out of his hotel, and making apologies to eve…