#picasso

"Hey, my face is UP HERE and also OVER HERE" - woman in Picasso painting

COP: Describe the robber to our sketch artist ME: He had one eye higher than the other and his lips on his forehead PICASSO: I got this

"Um, thanks?" -A woman who posed for a Picasso painting

will be tailgating outside the art museum tomorrow. needed: 6 people to paint their chests & help me spell out PICASSO

Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter...

My head feels like something Picasso would have drawn.

I blame Picasso for all these women who use markers to draw on their eyebrows.

Nietzsche, Freud, and Picasso walk into a bar... This was the title of one of my essays in class, and now the professor wants to know what the rest of the joke was. Can anyone come up with something particularly clever?

I was recently in a museum in Europe So much Picasso I wanted to Pablow my brains out

Pablo Picasso, Albert Einstein, and Donald trump arrive in heaven. Saint Peter tells them that if they can prove that they really are who they say they are, they can go in. Picasso starts painting immediately, creating a master piece. Saint Peter thanks him and lets him in. He then turns to Einstein, who explains the theory of general relativity to him. Saint Peter thanks him and lets him in. He then turns to Trump, who is looking bemused, and tells him ""If you can prove who you are, I will let…

Einstein, Casals, Picasso, and George W. Bush die and go to heaven. St. Peter is waiting for them, and requests identification. Einstein, who is first in line, says ""I don't have any ID, but I can explain the equivalence of matter and energy."" He is given a blackboard and proceeds to give an eloquent explanation of one of his most famous theories. ""Only Einstein himself could explain this so well,"" says St. Peter. ""Step right in, professor. Next?"" Then Casals, who is next in line, says ""I…

A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator... ...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official.

We all know that it isn't polite to use the ""F"" word! There are only ten times in history the ""F"" word has been acceptable for use: 10. ""What the f___ was that?"" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. ""Look at all them f___ing Indians!"" - Custer, 1877 8. ""Any f___ing idiot could understand that."" - Einstein, 1938 7. ""It does so f___ing look like her!"" - Picasso, 1926 6. ""How the f___ did you work that out?"" - Pythagorus, 126 BC 5. ""You want WHAT on the f___ing ceiling?"" - Michelangelo, 15…

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

These are the only ten times in history the ""F"" word has been acceptable for use... 10. ""What the @#$% was that?"" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. ""Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"" -Custer, 1877 8. ""Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."" -Einstein, 1938 7. ""It does so @#$%ing look like her!"" -Picasso, 1926 6. ""How the @#$% did you work that out?"" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. ""You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"" -Michelangelo,1566 4. ""Where the @#$% are we?"" -Amelia Ear…

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously and being slightly tired he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which for some reason had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes) he saw hanging mi…

Einstein, Picasso and George W. Bush stand before the Pearly Gates Einstein, Picasso and Bush stand before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter gets out to greet them and says: "I'll let you in, but first you have to prove that you are who you say you are." Einstein: "That's easy. Could you give me a blackboard and some chalk, please?" St. Peter snaps his fingers, a blackboard and chalk appear, and Einstein writes a few formulas while explaining the theory of relativity. "I believe you, it really is…

Vladmir Putin learns from Obama On his official visit to Washington, DC, Obama shows Putin around the White House. Putin is very impressed by the grandiose building. He can't stop staring at the decorated ceiling and the meticulously carved walls. He asks Obama "Tell me Mr. President, how do you have such a huge house, isn't the economy in depression?" Obama takes Putin to a massive glass window, points at something and asks him "It's very simple Mr. President, do you see that bridge over th…

George Bush dies Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter says to him, "Who are you?" Einstein says, "I'm Albert Einstein." St. Peter says to him, "A lot of people pass through these gates, how can I be sure that you're the real Einstein?" So St. Peter gives him a blackboard, and Einstein draws and proves the amazing theory of relativity. St. Peter is amazed and says, "Go in! You're Einstein!" Many decades later, Pablo Picasso dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,…

Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Claude Monet, and Leonardo De Vinci are all eating at a nice restaurant when the waitress comes around with the bill. They’d all ordered the same item and had previously agreed to split the bill four ways. When they looked at the check, however, they saw that the 10% gratuity would not split evenly, so one of them would end up paying an extra $0.01. “We should have an art competition to decide,” Da Vinci said, “then we shall have our waitress decide whose piec…

When Pablo Picasso was a young struggling artist, he was several months behind in the rent. The landlord came by and told him that if he didn't come up with the money he would be evicted on Tuesday. Picasso exclaimed, "Before you kick me out, just think, years from now people will look at this building and say the great Picasso lived there." The landlord looked at him blankly and said, "And if you don't come up with the money they can start doing it Tuesday."

A broke man goes to a famous lawyer... ""I have no money but I can give you an original Picasso drawing"

What did Picasso and Smurfette have in common? Both had blue periods.

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picasso

Are you a work of art? Because it looks like Picasso painted you.