#america

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long] The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer George Stephenson. The English expatriates who immigrated to America built them to the same dimension they had built them in England. Why did the English build them l…

""You're the bomb!"" ""No, you're the bomb!"" In America a compliment. In the Middle East an argument.

Happy New year America! from your friend Australia. Don't worry I expect it'll take about 18 or so hours for you to get this.

Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America

You can't say America isn't inclusive and progressive The Current president is a black man and latest election was between a female and a mentally handicapped person.

So I did not realize, in England, the word ""trump"" is slang for a particularly loud fart. ... Just like in America.

Christmas in rural America I live in rural America. On Christmas morning occasionally I will hear gun shots in the distance. This means one of two things: 1) Someone got a new gun for Christmas 2) Someone didn't

Pakistan president calls to Obama in the morning And says ""I'm sorry to hear about the terrorist attacks in New York, I wanted to be the first one to call and show my support to America"" After a pause Obama replies ""What attack? I have no news of such attacks yet"" A dramatic silence prevails After a while Obama hears a voice on phone that sounded like someone shouting ""shit I forgot about the time difference"".

A lot of people say that alt-right would be good for America. I'll try it if Ctrl-alt-delete doesn't work.

A Chinese walks into a bar... A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, ""You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."" The astonished Chinese man replied, ""It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese"". ""Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,"" replied Spielberg. …

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are on a plane... ...when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down. The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math. The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says ""God save the Queen!"" and jumps from the plane. The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says ""Vive la France!"" and jumps to hi…

I would never want to join the Boy Scouts of America They're just a bunch of BS

One of Donald Trump's slogans is America First! We'll rob the other countries later.

What does ADA stand for? Dyslexic Association of America

What's the difference between a star and America? The star has a bright future.

Once, there was 3 chinese people who wanted to go to America. Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, ""I'll change me name to Buck, adding ck to the end."" Chu then said, ""then I'll become Chuck."" After a long pause, Fu said, ""I guess I'll go back to China.""

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, ""You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left h…

A fresh off the boat Indian immigrant goes to Wallmart to buy some toilet paper Arriving to the store, he walks to an employee and tells him ""Hello sir, I have recently arrived in America with just the shirt on my back and not so much money. I need to buy toilet paper but I can't afford luxuries"". The employee replies ""Well listen here friend, I have this ExtraSoft for $8 for 9 rolls, or QuiltedSouth for $6.5 for 9 rolls."" ""Oh no sir, that is too much for me."" ""A'right, I got this no bran…

The US asked Mexico how many illegal immigrants got into America each year... Mexico said- ""Not Juan""

An American, a Japanese Man and an Australian are stuck on an Island When they stumble upon a genie's lamp. The American rubs it and the Genie comes flying out and says ""You have awoken me from my slumber, thus I shall grant you 3 wishes."" The American says ""I wish to be back home with my beautiful family in America."" And he disappears in a cloud of smoke. Then the Japanese man says ""I wish to be home in Japan with a new family with great wealth."" And he disappears in a cloud of smoke. Fin…

Trump and a Mexican Fisherman. Trump and a Mexican man are out fishing when suddenly Trump reels in a golden fish. The fish looks at the men and says ""Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."" The fish turns to Trump and says ""Since you are the one who reeled me in, you get to go first."" ""Alright,"" says Trump, ""I wish that all of the Mexicans in America were gone."" ""It is done."" ""Now, I want a massive concrete wall surrounding all of America so…

The Commonwealth is like a family party... There's the UK, the old Grandma sat down in her chair the whole time, letting her children get on with their lives, no matter how bad it gets. Some adore her, but some don't like what she did when they were young. Then there's Australia, the drunk Uncle in a Hawaiian shirt, but everyone respects him really. Canada's there as well, the smartly dressed man who has never done anything wrong, most people joke about him, but respects him. There's India as we…

Man, 2016 really has killed everybody: In November alone we lost Leonard Cohen, Florence Henderson... ...and America.

Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed. Trump: I'm gonna be the president Castro: well then.......

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed. Well, looks like he died 17 days after.