#america

An Italian guy named Vinny comes to America to become an American Citizen... To become an American citizen Vinny has to go to court and stand in front of a judge. Vinny brings his whole family to the courtroom to cheer him on. They are a very loud and rambunctious Italian family. Vinny stands in front of the judge and the judge says, ""Ok Vinny, before you become an American citizen I have to ask you a few questions about American history"" Vinny very confidently says, ""Hey, not a problem judge…

A marching band passed by this morning, shouting ""Make America Great Again!"" Must be some Donald Trumpeters.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a car. The car crashes. Who survived? *America.*

The ""Parmesan"" cheese in the USA is an abomination of the original. Start buying parmigiano reggiano and make America grate again.

What's the difference between yogurt and America? Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years

English and American spellings England: colour America: color England: humour America: humor England: flavour America: flavor England: What the hell are you doing? America: Getting rid of u

Just thought of something If you ever feel you're gonna be voted ""least likely to succeed"" in your yearbook (assuming this actually still happens in America), you should make your yearbook quote: ""my goal is to be the leaste likely to succeed in the yearbook"" Then when you get voted, you will have actually succeeded , so you're not the least likely to succeed :)

What's crude and beneath most Canadians? America

America is racist When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is. Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone Thanks Frankie Boyle

So I was checking out at the store the other day..... ....and the cashier told me my total was $12.47. So I gave her a ten and two ones. She said it wasn't enough so I dug around and gave her a quarter. Still not right she says, so I just grab everything in my pocket and put it on the counter hoping she could help. As a white man in America, I don't understand change.

If Hilary and Trump are stranded on a raft in the ocean, who survives? America. America survives.

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency... ""Our largest condom factory has exploded,"" the Russian President cried. ""My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"" ""Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help"" said Putin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"" ""Why certainly! I'll get right on it…

Back in the day America was great, had Apple come out with AirPods, the entrepreneurs would found a brand new market for ear snuggies, clips, bands, and scooches, in designer colors, and celebrity themes. So they haven't got jack to complain about.

So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon... Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. ""Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easter?"" ""Oh that's easy!"" The first blonde steps forward ""It's that holiday when the Pilgrims came to America and we celebrate all of our b…

If Donald trump and Hilary Clinton both go down on a ship who survives? America that's a no brainer

Donald Trump was guaranteed to become president and Muslims native to America started fleeing the country, trying to find out where to head next. I don't know about the others. But for me, just to get away from Trump, Iran.

If you call someone from America American and someone from Mexico Mexican what do you call someone from Tibet? Chinese

I really feel bad that 9/11 happened. If it hadn't, America wouldn't be suffering right now over the rememberance shows and lack of good television.

Trump and Clinton both die in a plane crash. Who survives? America

A man goes to a funeral home to bury his dead wife. One of the employees tells him ""We can bury her here in Israel on a good plot of land for $500, or we can bury her in America, but it'll cost you $5000"". The man says ""Ok, let me go home and think about it"". The next day when he comes back to the funeral home the employee asks him ""so what have you decided?"", and the man responds ""bury her in America"". The employee, surprised, asks him ""But why?! It's so much more expensive and we alre…

If Hillary and Trump were on a boat and it sank, who would survive? America

A Yakov Smirnoff joke from the 80's In America you have many channel. In Soviet Russia vee only have 2 channel: KGB1 and KGB2. KGB1 is station vith KGB agent say all day how great is Mother Russia. KGB2 is station vith KGB agent say ""TURN BACK TO KGB1!""

Morality Test Are you as moral as you think you are? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest. THE SITUATION: You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flood…

in a way, things are looking up for america... Soon it'll no longer be an obama-nation

In a small plane... ... there is the pilot, a small kid, an old man, and Donald Trump. The plane starts to go down, and despite there being 4 people there are only 3 parachutes. The Pilot quickly realizing the trouble takes one parachute and jumps out of the plane. Donald Trump says to the kid and old man, ""I will make America great again, my people need me"" and he takes one and jumps out of the plane. At this stage, the old man tells the little kid,"" You take the parachute kid, you have your…