#mr-trump

[backstage at GOP debate] AIDE: Mr. Trump needs his hair. CAT: I'm puking as fast as I can.

Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again

Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin

"Mr. Trump how will you beat Hillary Clinton?" TRUMP: I'll win NY, Florida, Ohio, we're going to add states, Gerzona, Timbaland, Waterworld

TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update

A plane is about to crash, there are 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes... The first passenger, Steph Curry, says ""I am the best player in the NBA! The Warriors and my fans need me!"" and jumps out with the first pack. The second passenger, Donald Trump, says ""I am the most respected and intelligent US president in history! My country needs me!"" and jumps out with the second pack. The third passenger, the Pope, turns to the fourth passenger, a little boy, and says ""My son, I don't have many …

Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing. ""We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect,"" says the man conducting the briefing, ""just one more small piece of information."" ""Bring it on."" ""5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"" ""That certainly isn't a good thing,"" replies Trump, ""but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"" ""Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"" ""How many is a Brazilian?""

One day, Donald Trump visited an elementary school, to tell the children about his success, and to show off his intelligence'. The schoolchildren were learning vocabulary, specifically the word tragedy', when the famous businessman stormed into the classroom. Trump decided to help the children learn the word tragedy', and asked the following question to them: ""What would be a tragedy, kids?"" A bespectacled boy nervously answers: ""If my best friend died of pneumonia, that would be a tragedy.""…

George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump were all leaving Washington D.C. and going the same direction, so they decided to take Air Force 1. Unfortunately, due to a mechanical malfunction, Air Force 1 crashed, killing all aboard. So Bush, Obama, and Trump approached the pearly gates, where God sat on his throne. ""Tell me, what do you believe in?"" God asked Mr. Bush. ""I believe in education and free trade,"" was the reply. ""Excellent. Take a seat here on my right,"" God said. ""Now tell …

Donald Trump goes to an elementary school to show off his intelligence and success. The schoolchildren were learning vocabulary, specifically the word tragedy', when the famous businessman stormed into the classroom. Trump decided to help the children learn the word tragedy', and asked the following question to them: ""What would be a tragedy, kids?"" A bespectacled boy nervously answers: ""If my best friend died of pneumonia, that would be a tragedy."" ""No, that would be a great loss,"" Trump …

One day, Donald Trump visited an elementary school, to tell the children about his success... One day, Donald Trump visited an elementary school, to tell the children about his success, and to show off his intelligence'. The schoolchildren were learning vocabulary, specifically the word tragedy', when the famous businessman stormed into the classroom. Trump decided to help the children learn the word tragedy', and asked the following question to them: ""What would be a tragedy, kids?"" A bespect…

Trump vs Media Donald Trump saw a car with four people in it skid out of control over a bridge into a river. Mr. Trump jumped into the water and was able to save three of them before the fourth one drowned. I read about it in an article titled ""President-elect Trump, who lost the popular vote, allows innocent teenager to drown right in front of him""

Donald Trump Visits a School Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word ""tragedy."" So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: ""If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tr…

Congratulations, Mr. Trump You'll be the first president to declare bankruptcy on the country.

Donald Trump answers the question during the debate... Mr Trump, what is 2+2? ""I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, ""What's 2+2""? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, d…

Dear Mr. Trump, thank you very much For all of the new gifs and new memes last night at the debate.

In a small plane... ... there is the pilot, a small kid, an old man, and Donald Trump. The plane starts to go down, and despite there being 4 people there are only 3 parachutes. The Pilot quickly realizing the trouble takes one parachute and jumps out of the plane. Donald Trump says to the kid and old man, ""I will make America great again, my people need me"" and he takes one and jumps out of the plane. At this stage, the old man tells the little kid,"" You take the parachute kid, you have your…

I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass... Madam: You can't bring that in here, we don't want a sticky situation on our hands. Me: I can leave the honeycomb outside. Madam: The honeycomb can stay, but Mr. Trump needs to leave.

Trump Meets The Queen Arriving in England in his private jet, Mr. Trump boarded a waiting limousine where he met the Queen. Together they drove to London where they switched to a carriage hitched to six white horses. As the coach proceeded to Buckingham Palace, the rear horse let fly a putrid, long-hovering fart. The coach stunk like a sewage treatment plant and Mr. Trump held a handkerchief over his nose. The Queen turned to Donald and said: ""Mr. Trump, please accept my humblest apologies, but…

Donald Trump visits an elementary school Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that wou…

Donald Trump walks up to President Obama... He asks, "Obama my man, how did you manage to put together such a wonderful team? Tell me your secret." Obama smiles and replies, "Well, the first thing that you have to do, Mr Trump, is to surround yourself with intelligent people." "Well how do I do that?" asks Trump. "Simple," Obama replies. "The way I do it, I always ask them one simple question." He turns around and yells, "Joe! Get in here!" Joe Biden saunters into the the room. "Joe," Obama…

What is a tragedy? During one of his campaign trips Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school and goes into one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks …

Trump asks what a tragedy is... During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump visits an elementary school and enters one of the classrooms. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and k…

A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar. The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Trump asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate. " Trump watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this questi…