#poland

A Polish guy finds a lamp buried in the sand As per usual, a genie comes out and offers him three wishes. The Polish guy things for a moment and says, "I wish for all of Ghengis Khan's armies to go rampaging across the steppes to the border of Poland, then turn around and go home." "All right," the genie says, "Done. What's your second wish?" "I wish for all the Mongol hordes of Asia to go rampaging across the steppes to the border of Poland, then turn around and go home." "Are you sure?" a…

Lenin in Poland In the early 1970's Brezhnev announces to the Politburo that he is making a state visit to Poland, and that in honor of the trip he wishes to bring the Polish people a momentous gift. It is decided that Brezhnev should bring a large painting entitled "Lenin In Poland." After all, what could be a more meaningful expression of Soviet-Polish solidarity than a portrait of Lenin, the god of Soviet communism, visiting Poland? Unfortunately, Lenin never visited Poland, and the "great m…

A Nazi flew to Poland... At passport check he was stopped and asked a few questions: Security "Are you visiting for business or pleasure?" Nazi "Business" Security "Occupation?" Nazi "No, just visiting this time"

a Polish man moved to the USA and married an american girl. A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the founda…

Putin decides to invade Poland Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller. Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost. Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty. Putin: Rubles?!? Fortuneteller: No, PLN.

Vladimir Putin Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit. Customs Officer: "Name?" Putin: "Vladimir Putin." Customs Officer: "Nationality?" Putin: "Russian." Customs Officer: "Occupation?" Putin: "No, just visiting."

My friend knows everyone... Dave was bragging to his boss one day: "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No drama boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impresse…

There once was a cow from Minsk The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry abou…

So... a German is getting ready to enter in a plane to Poland. "Occupation?" - The officer asks. "Occupation? No! I'm here to visit!"

Geography class -Whats the capital of Germany? -Berlin teacher -Whats the capital of France? -Berlin again teacher -Whats the capital of Poland? -Still Berlin teacher -Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography! -We'll see about that

A German is at the border to go to Poland. The officer asks him: Name? Hans Gruber. Address? 123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin Occupation? Nein, just visiting.

Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?" POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home." LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation…

A German man goes on holiday to Poland, he gets stopped at the border (because it's an out of date joke), and the border guard checks his papers and decides to ask him a few questions "Name?" "Hans Schmidt" "Age?" "32" "Place of birth?" "Dusseldorf" "Occupation?" "No, just visiting"

A Belarusian man comes home to his family with bad news 'Kids' he sighs 'I'm so sorry, but I just got back from the hospital. I found out that your grandmother... went to a better place' 'Wow' asks his son 'How did she sneak into Poland?'

How to approach an attractive woman in Ireland. Here’s a guide for any Americans guys visiting Ireland. The best way to chat up an attractive looking woman in Ireland is to ask her: “So, what part of Poland are you from?”.

My visit to Poland I met a Polish friend of mine and told him I want to explore what Poland has to offer. I asked about the beer culture. “We have lots of beers, ales, ciders, lagers, you name it!” “Great, what would you recommend?” “Anything Czech…” So instead we went out for lunch. “I want to eat something Polish!” “We have dumplings, called pierogi, very popular and delicious…” “Excellent, I would like to have those please.” “No problem, would like Russian pierogi or Ukr…

Lenin in Poland An artist is commissioned by the USSR to make a painting commemorating relations between the Soviet Union and Poland, to be titled "Lenin in Poland." A large ceremony is held at the Kremlin for its unveiling. When the painting is revealed, the guests gasp — the painting shows Lenin's wife in bed with Leon Trotsky. "This is a travesty!" Shouts one guest. "Where is Lenin?" The painter replies "Lenin is in Poland."

A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. Its the usual schtick, 3 wishes and all. So the man says to the genie, I want for a horde of mongolians to come to my country, kill and pillage, and go home. The genie thinks this is odd, but obliges. The mongolians make it to the farmlands at the border, kill and pillage, then return home. The man then, as his second wish, wishes for a horde of mongolians to come to poland to kill and pillage. The genie, really not understanding this man at …

A man goes before Saint Peter... Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?' The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.' 'Where did you go to school?' 'Poland, Lwow.' 'Where were you married?' 'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.' Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?' 'In the German Reich.' 'And where did you die?' 'At home in Lvov, in the Soviet Union.' Astonished, Saint Peter shouts 'My, you moved around a lot!' 'What are you talking abo…

The German in Poland A German once went on a business trip by car to Poland. The Polish police pulled him over. "What's the purpose of your visit?", the policeman asked. "Business!" said the German. "Mhm." "Occupation?" the policeman followed. "No, no, no! Business, I said!" the German replied.

new milk cow The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. ​ The people did some research and found that they could travel and buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. ​ It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have…

Before moving to England I spent some time in Poland... It definitely helped me polish my English.

A Medieval polish farmer is out working in his fields one day, and digs up an old magic lamp. He begins to wipe off the dirt, thinking to sell it at market, when suddenly a Genie flies out, offering the astonished farmer 3 wishes. "Oh Noble farmer, you have freed me from my prison, and for that I grant you 3 wishes! What say you?" The farmer thinks hard about his first wish, and finally says "I wish for the Mongol hoard to come invade Poland." The Genie looks at the farmer, puzzled for a mome…

A Polish man moves to America and marries an American woman. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?" POLE: "TAK, TAK, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms." LAWYER: "No," I m…

Sending a message to mom A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims, \- "I don’t have any money... but I’ll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!" To that the man asks, \- "Anything?" And the blonde says, \- "Yes.... ANYTHING!!" With that the man says, "Follow me!" He walks into the next room and tells her, \- "Come in and close the door." She does this and…