#poland

A plane is flying to New York from Poland. As it approaches the city, the captain announces, ""If you look to your right, you can see the Statue of Liberty."" Passengers start moving towards the right windows to get a closer look. The plane crashes almost immediately. What happened? Too many poles in the right half of the plane.

The Spellcheck Family Before 1882 spelling errors were relatively common in the United States, that was until the Spelczek family immigrated to the USA from Poland. The Spelczeks traveled all across the USA in a horseless carriage correcting the typos on store signs. Recently, Besnik Spelczek of Silicon Valley, California decided to digitize the family business and installed ""spellcheck"" the anglicization of his surname, into every computer that ran word or open office. A portion of the profit…

So Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are about to start trade with each other. Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are two business men in New York. Mr. Brown is a fourth generation American, who owns a big clothing store, while Mr. Cohen is an old Jewish man, who immigrated to the U.S from Poland during the war. Mr. Cohen is small business owner, who makes cloth. One day Mr. Cohen requests that Mr. Brown to start making his clothes with Cohen's cloth. Mr. Brown agrees, on one condition; the first purchase must be a …

Two Jewish Men in 1944 Poland Have a Plan To Kill Hitler Back in 1944 in the Warsaw ghetto, two Jewish men have planned to try to kill Hitler. They have discovered his travel route, they know the exact time-table, and they know he will pass close by to a nearby government building at exactly 7:00 PM. So, the two men make their plans, knowing that their lives are at high risk and that they will not likely return from this endeavor. They exit the ghetto, travel in the shadow of the buildings and t…

A hilarious Polish joke my grandmother told me. My grandmother told me this joke many times. It actually happened to her. Enjoy! In the mid-1970's, my grandma loved to travel. She would go all over the world. She landed in China after a long flight, and exited the plane to go claim her baggage. As she was minding her business waiting in line, all of a sudden she gets knocked over by someone. My grandma fell to the floor immediately. After she fell, she looked up at the guy responsible for pushin…

How was Germany able to Take over Poland so easily. They marched backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

The Polish Astronauts. Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts? Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, ""Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"" The Poles responded, ""AHA! We go at night!""

So a popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed... ...A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, ""What's your IQ?"" The man replied, ""120."" So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, ""This is really cool."" Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, ""What's your IQ?"" The man responded, ""100."" So the robot started talking about the Superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to …

Did you hear Poland bought 5,000 septic tanks? As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Germany.

The Polish Divorce A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and this conversation ensued: ""Have you any grounds?"" Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. ""No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"" It's made of concrete. ""I don' …

IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, …

Polish Divorce POLISH DIVORCE A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete.…

A Polish guy walked into a bar... ... in Poland. He announced that he had withdrawn his entire fortune, 100,000 zlotys, from the bank, invested it in gold bars, and put them into a safe in his house. This was back when a zloty was worth something, so the other patrons immediately started to argue with him: ""You're an idiot! What if you get robbed? It's much safer in the bank."" ""The banks are about to fail,"" he responded. ""But they can't fail, they're backed by the Polish government!"" ""...…

Saw that Poland just won the country's first gold metal.... they were so happy, they had it bronzed!

confluence 42 points 21 hours ago A Polish farmer is ploughing his field when he hits an obstruction in the soil - a dirty old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it to clean it off, and a genie appears in a puff of smoke. ""Thank goodness you found my lamp I was getting bored,"" says the Genie. ""I will grant you any three wishes you desire."" The farmer thinks and thinks and finally says: ""I want the Mongols to invade Poland... and then go home."" The genie looks confused, but he shrugs, and snaps …

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland? A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Tragedy in Poland The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery. So far 374 bodies have been found. Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

The Polish farmer During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country. One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer. - Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him. After some thinking, the farmer answered - I'd like to belong to Germany. - Why is that? - Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

After i heard the the one about Abe and his wife trying to poison him... I remembered this one. A Polish man from Chicago married a Wisconsin girl after he had been in the states a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following…

Bubba and Friends Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Altho…

A Russian is travelling to Poland... and he is stopped to be checked by an officer. "Name?" the officer asked. "Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered. "Nationality?" "Russian." "Occupation?" "No, no, just visiting."

Not a woman or a farmer, but a Polish man goes to a divorce lawyer.... A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day the Polish man rushed into a lawyer's office and asked the lawyer if the lawyer could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: *Have you any grounds?* Yes, an acre and half and…

My mother is Polish and my father was not, so growing up we heard a lot of Polish jokes from my father. All in good fun of course. Here is my favorite. Yosh and Stosh decided they were going to take a vacation back to their native land Poland. So they’re on the plane halfway across the Atlantic and everything is going great when the captain makes an announcement over the intercom. “Folks, were having a little trouble with on of the engines and it stopped working. It’s not a big deal but I do…