#cohen

A talmudist goes to Moscow... After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop, a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and he thought: This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, so if he is no peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewis…

obituary The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. ""How much does it cost to have an obituary printed""? asked a woman. ""It's five dollars a word, ma'am,"" the clerk replied politely. ""Fine,"" said the woman after a moment. ""Got a pencil?"" ""Yes ma'am."" ""Got some paper?"" ""Yes ma'am."" ""Okay, write this down: 'Cohen dead'."" ""That's all?"" asked the clerk disbelievingly. ""That's it."" ""I'm sorry ma'am, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum."" ""…

So Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are about to start trade with each other. Mr. Cohen and Mr. Brown are two business men in New York. Mr. Brown is a fourth generation American, who owns a big clothing store, while Mr. Cohen is an old Jewish man, who immigrated to the U.S from Poland during the war. Mr. Cohen is small business owner, who makes cloth. One day Mr. Cohen requests that Mr. Brown to start making his clothes with Cohen's cloth. Mr. Brown agrees, on one condition; the first purchase must be a …

Obi-wan Cohen Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: A Japanese, A Chinese, and A Jewish Samurai. ""Demonstrate your skills!"" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! ""What a feat!"" said the Emperor. ""Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do."" The …

Mrs. Shapiro, the Matchmaker, goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. ""Mr. Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!"" says the Matchmaker. ""Don't bother,"" replies Mr. Cohen, ""I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs."" ""That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."" ""I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine.…

A Rabbi Joke "Rabbi Schomburg, I need 200 dollars badly for a down payment", said Cohen. "I keep praying to God for help but he doesn't send any!" "The important thing is not to lose faith", the rabbi said. "Just keep praying." After Cohen left, the rabbi felt sorry for him. He decided to give him 100 dollars out of his own pocket. The next time he saw Cohen the rabbi gave him the money and said, "Here, God sent this to you!" Back home Cohen was grateful. "Thank you Lord," he said. "But next ti…

'He choked to death on a concubine.' Fun Terry Pratchett quote: 'He choked to death on a concubine.' There was no sound but the hiss of snow in the fire and a number of people thinking fast. 'I think you mean cucumber,' said the bard. 'That's right, cucumber,' said Boy Willie. 'I've never been good at them long words.' 'Very important difference in a salad situation,' said Cohen.

A woman phoned her local newspaper to ask if she could put a notice in the obituary column. "Certainly, ma'am," said the operator. "How much do funeral notices cost?" asked the woman. "Five dollars per word." "Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?" "Yes, ma'am." "Write this then: 'Cohen died.'" "Sorry, ma'am, I forget to tell you: there's a five-word minimum." "Huh!" said the woman testily. "You certainly did forget to tell me that!" She thought for a moment and then said: "Okay. Got your …