#mexico

Hellmann's Mayonnaise - a bit of history. Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England . In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York . This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico . But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York . The ship hit an ice…

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the very next port of call after the Titantics stop in New York. This shipment of mayonnaise would have been the largest ever delivered to Mexico but as we all know the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The cargo was lost forever. The people of…

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... ""Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"" She said, ""No?"" ""Well"", he spoofed, ""down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit whil…

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?'. Jose says, .... 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Carlos' sign reads 'I ha…

It is a little-known fact that before becoming a singer, Bing Crosby ran a boarding school for boys in San Antonio, Texas. One of the boys who lived in the dorm was in the habit of taking off on Friday afternoons, going to Mexico, and getting drunk. But he kept his studies up during the week, and because his parents were wealthy and important trustees, the school took no action against him. However, one Friday afternoon he got together with a day student, and they both disappeared. The parents o…

There are many stories related to the sinking of the ""Titanic."" Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The ""Titanic"" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the lo…

Chuck Norris action figures have been banned in the United States and Mexico due to the roundhouse action related to eye loss in children.

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth, he decides on exactly what he will buy.He buys a 20 acre plot of land in Mexico and hires an architect. I want mi casa to be built right there, with big columns in front, and a marble foyer, and at the end of the hall I want a halo statue. The architect, excited aboutmaking mega bucks off this man, jots down exactly what the Mexican wants,I'll do it sir, I'll make this a fine house for you! All the …

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite football team play... ...and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn't have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game. After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies: "I don't know why you all don't think Americans are nice. As soon as I sat down everyone turned around, looked at me, and started sin…

Boondocks saints joke...classic A white guy, a spik and a black guy (nigger), yea yea, are walking down the beach and they find a lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out. The genie says "I'll give you each 1 wish". The Mexican says "I weesh for all my Mexican hermanos and hermanas to be back in Mehico". POOF all the Mexicans were back in Mexico. The black guy (nigger) yea yea that's what I said, the nigger says "I wish for all my nigger brothers and sisters to be back in Africa". POOF all t…

Did you guys hear about the 4 car accident in Mexico? ...94 people died.

An American, Mexican, and Arab are in a plane... They fly over America and the American drops a ball out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "This will make someone in my country very happy and I love my country." They fly over Mexico and the the Mexican drops a flower out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "I love my country and wish to make it more beautiful." When they fly over Iran, the Arab drops a bomb out of the plane. Seeing the shocked looks on the other's …

A Priest helps a young woman at the airport A young woman on a flight from Mexico asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course, what may I do for you?" the priest replied. "Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and over my customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through for me? Under your robes, perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said th…

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is already over the border!

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl...... A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.' The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so mu…

A mexican guy, a black guy, and a white guy are all walking down a beach when they find a magic lamp... So they rubbed it and a genie pops out, tells them they get 1 wish each. The mexican guy goes 1st and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Mexico." and poof! The wish is granted. The black guy goes next and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to A…

Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected) A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping up with the property. Last year, the inn tragically burned down; the doctor and his wife subsequently filed for insurance. The insurance inspectors arrived…

My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night." Mexico was on, we had burritos. Japan was on, we had sushi. USA was on, we had burgers. Italy was on, we had pizza. Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

An American, A Mexican, and an African Man are on an island... they meet a genie who decides to grant them each one wish. He first turns to the African man."What do you wish for?" The African man says, "I wish for all of my people to be free and happy in Africa," and so it was done. The genie turns to the Mexican man and asks, "What do you wish for?" The Mexican man says, "I wish for all my people to be free and happy in Mexico," and so it was done. Finally the genei turns to the Ameri…

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

Lazy vultures Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each gr…

3 Presidents are in a Plane So three presidents are in a plane, an American one, a French one, and a Mexican one. As they were flying, the American president stuck his hand out (one of those windowless planes), and said "hey, were in America!" The French president asks how did he know they were in America, and the American president says, "because when I stuck my hand out, I felt the top of the empire state building." A short while later, the French president sticks his hand out and say "Hey, w…

An american, a brit and a mexican are on a plane. An american, a brit and a mexican are on a plane. The brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!". The mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!". The american proceeds to throw the mexican out of the plane. "Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the brit. The american turned around. "He kil…