#florida

Smartass Old People Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, ""I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."" Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, the…

An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary... The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's items and hard-to-fine paraphernalia. So normally they just stayed put and rooted for their favorite team, the Cleveland Cavaliers. Thi…

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says, ""Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha."" Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow."" I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ""How many customers bo…

So a man from Chicago goes on vacation... A man from Chicago goes on vacation to Florida for the winter, but his wife is on a business trip and will be meeting him in Florida the day after he gets there. The man gets to the hotel and decides to send his wife an email saying he got to the hotel safely. However, he can't remember his wife's email. He guesses and gets it wrong by one letter. He types and sends the email, and it is sent to an elderly woman whose husband died the day before. She read…

Multijokes: How many Jews can you fit in a family car. Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray. Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened. Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack. Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains. Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends …

A young guy from Texas moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Texas ."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store w…

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" He ignores it and carries on with the speech. He hears the same thing, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" Fidel gets frustrated and says, ""the next person I hear say that I'm gonna kick his ass so hard he's gonna wind up in Florida."" Then the whole crowd goes, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda.""…

Just one customer. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof' department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he go…

Why did Donald Trump win Florida in the Presidential Election? Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy.

Why is Florida not an island?? Because Georgia sucks...

In light of hurricane Matthew A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors ""I believe God will save me"". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again ""God will save me"". The next day his house is flooded and he is on the roof. A small motorboat comes by but again ""God will save me"". The next day he can barely hold on to chim…

You hold the power to save them... With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately. You're in Florida ... in Miami, to be exact. There is g…

How do you circumcise a guy from Florida? By punching the nearest ten year old boy in the back of the head.

Morality Test Are you as moral as you think you are? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest. THE SITUATION: You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flood…

It sure is hot down here! The Johnsons from Canada decide to head to Florida, staying at the same hotel they honeymooned at for their 20th anniversary. However, due to their last minute decision, both have too take separate flights. When the husband arrives, he immediately emails his wife (Joanne) but in his haste he mistypes her email address. Meanwhile, somewhere in San Antonio, Joan Johnson is returning home from her husband's funeral, he was a pastor who had died suddenly from a heart attack…

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida? In da-Nile

Two drunks were drinking on the roof of their trailer late one night in Texas. The first drunk looks up at the night sky and says to the other ""The moon is so big, I been wonderin... Whad'ya think is closer, the Moon, or Florida?"" The second drunk gives his friend an amused look. ""You can't be serious.."" He slurs The first drunk looks back at his friend in confused anticipation ""Well?"" he asks. The second drunk then rolls his eyes and laughs. ""Well.. Think about it. Can you see Florida fr…

Who wants to go to Florida with me? I heard the clubs are to die for.

Late term abortion now offered in Florida Free with stay to any Orlando resort

Two blondes talking to each other... One asks the other, ""Which one do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?"" The other blonde says, ""Well duh! You can't see Florida from here.""

Two girls are on vacation in Hawaii. They are looking up at the sky, it is beautiful with stars shining and the moon out. One girl asks the other, whats closer to Hawaii the moon or Florida. The other girl responds, ""the moon, duh? you can't see Florida from here....""

What do people in florida do when their car breaks down? Build a house next to it.

It's always Sunny in Florida Until the filthy Shia move into the neighborhood.

Every year two fleas travel south to Florida. They always travel by riding on the mustache of a biker and are nearly frozen by the time they get there. One year only one of the fleas makes it onto the mustache. When the first flea sees the other in Florida he says hey, how did you get down here? I didn't see you on the mustache. The second flea says, well this year I decided I was sick of being cold so I climbed up a woman's leg and rode down in her pubes where it was nice and warm. The first fl…

Redneck Divorce (Oh Boy) How is a redneck divorce like a hurricane in Florida? Either way you lose the trailer!