#airplane

A blonde a Brunette and a Redhead are stuck on an island... One day a Blonde a Brunette and a Redhead are stuck on an island. All of a sudden a magic Genie comes to them and will grant them one wish to get off the island. The Brunette jumps up and says I wanna go first! so she jumps up and screams airplane and she turns into an airplane and flies away. The Redhead jumps of the island and says BIRD! and she turns into a bird and flies away. The Blonde jumps of the cliff looks down and becomes sup…

Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. ""The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them,"" said the pilot. Unwilling to leave their deer, the hunters said ""We got six on the plane last year."" The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, ""Any idea where we are?"" The second hunter said, ""Ye…

5 People on a crashing plane and only 4 parachutes The smartest person on earth The most athletic person on earth The wisest person on earth The pilot and a mailman The pilot said ""I drove this plane so I should get one"" then he jumps of with the parachute The most athletic person on earth said ""I'm the most athletic person on earth and people need athletic people so I should get a parachute"" so he gets one and jumps out The smartest person on earth said ""I'm the smartest person on earth an…

What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot

An American, Iranian, and a Mexican are sitting in a plane when suddenly the captain says "" Ok everyone remain calm but the airplane is too heavy and we are going down, everybody needs to throw some items out of the plane. The Iranian throws out a soccer ball and says"" we have too many of these in my country"" The Mexican throws out some bread and says "" We have too many of these in my country"" The American picks up and throws out the Mexican and says "" We have too many of these in my count…

An airplane is flying along... Carrying 2 mexicans, a frenchman and a texan. An engine goes out and the pilot says they have to lose 500lbs or they're all going to die. One of the mexicans stands up, says ""Viva Mexico!"", and jumps out of the plane. Then the frenchman, ""Vive la France!"", and jumps out behind him. Next the texan stands up, grabs the remaining mexican, tosses him out the door and says ""Remember the Alamo!"".

In a small plane... ... there is the pilot, a small kid, an old man, and Donald Trump. The plane starts to go down, and despite there being 4 people there are only 3 parachutes. The Pilot quickly realizing the trouble takes one parachute and jumps out of the plane. Donald Trump says to the kid and old man, ""I will make America great again, my people need me"" and he takes one and jumps out of the plane. At this stage, the old man tells the little kid,"" You take the parachute kid, you have your…

A skydiving instructor was getting frustrated with his clients Despite their initial willingness to sign up, all of them were now shaking, clutching their parachutes tightly, and looking down into the sky below. The man at the front of the line looked to be on the verge of tears. The instructor had been trying to get them to jump for the past twenty minutes, and soon the plane would descend. ""For gods sake!"" he fumed. Suddenly, another man appeared, poking his head out from a door. The instruc…

The entire Dutch air force was disabled this week. The pilot was sick.

Sole Survivor A rescue team arrives at the site of a crashed airplane to find only a single survivor. The rather haggard-looking man is found while chewing on a bone, with a rather large pile of human bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. ""You can't judge me for this,"" the man says defensively. ""I did what I had to survive!"" The leader of the rescue team says, ""But Jesus Christ, man... your plane only went down yesterday.""

Plane Problems ""May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!"" She then hears a voice on the radio saying: ""This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position. She then says…

I have but one greviance with the airplane pilots. Fantastic chaps, but good God, they're never grounded.

Now boarding... Two vultures board an airplane each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.""

The secret to becoming a millionaire... Is by being a billionaire, then starting an airline.

Slow Down Love 5 minutes before landing in Melbourne the pilot says to the passengers ' Good morning everyone, we hope you enjoyed your flight with Qantas. It is currently 14 degrees and cloudy. Have a great day' After the speech the pilot puts the mic down forgetting to mute it. So the other pilot goes on to saying... ' So what are u going to do when we land'? 'Well first im gonna get something to eat, take a shit then im gonna bang the blonde flight attendant at the back. The flight attendant …

Why was the pilot flying circles over South Korea? He was Seoul searching.

How do you tell if there's a Pilot in the room? They've already told you.

Did you hear about the Jewish kamikaze pilot? He crashed his plane onto his brothers scrap metal yard.

[Pun] There's something about the sky... There was a man in an airplane and he had just over dosed on alcohol, one could say he really was HIGH -<>~<>- ^those are what I call 'pun glasses'

[Flight Attendant]: Would you like some headphones? [Passenger]: Yes please, but how'd you know my name was Phones?

Say ""Unreliable Airline"" three times fast. Delta Delta Delta

A plane is going down. A large commercial jet on a transatlantic flight loses an engine and is dropping altitude so fast that they're going to crash unless they can lose some weight. The pilot instructs the flight crew to inform the passengers that they are going to jettison all the checked luggage. Unfortunately after dumping it all they're still too heavy and the pilot cant pull the plane out of the dive. Once again the pilot sends the flight attendants to address the passengers, this time wit…

BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. ""I can't get out of my room,"" she cried. ""What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, Do Not Disturb'.""

Obama, Clinton, and Trump are on a plane... .... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Clinton says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Trump says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy! The pilot pops his head around the corner and says ""I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy"".

A plane was once flying over an island.. A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice: ""Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.""