#airplane

So a plane is going down A plane is going down, so the pilot tells the flight attendant "" we can make it if we lose enough weight"" So the flight attendant throws out all the luggage and ask is the enough. The pilot says "" no we need to lose more."" So the flight attendants come up with idea to ask people to jump out of the plane to save everyone else. So they decide to be fair if people jump out alphabetical and the passage agree to this. So the attendant says : all Africans please jump off t…

An airplane was about to crash... There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Lionel Messi, the best footballer in the world. My millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd …

TIL that FDR was the first sitting President to travel by airplane Maybe tomorrow I'll learn who the first standing President to travel by airplane was!

There is a plane with a Pilot, a Lawyer, a Priest and a Kid The plane is going down fast but there are only three parachutes. so the pilot says ""I have a family and a daughter that are expecting me"" he grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. The lawyer says ""well I'm the smartest man on earth so I have to live"" he grabs a parachute and jumps off. Now there is only one parachute left and the Priest tells the kid ""Kid, take the last one, I have lived my life"" The boy looks around the plan…

A young man was sitting at home when a terrible rainstorm began. Within hours, the man's house began to flood, and someone came to his door offering a ride to higher ground. The man declined, saying, ""God will take care of me."" A few hours later, as the waters engulfed the first floor of the man's home, a boat passed by, and the captain offered to take the man to safety. The man declined, saying, ""God will take care of me."" A few hours after that, as the man waited on his roofhis entire home…

An airplane was about to Crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the Smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the pla…

A plane is going down and the only way to save it is for some people to jump. So the stewardess upon instructions from the pilot picks several random people to be sacrificial lambs; a Briton, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American. The Briton opens the door and with the scream ""God save the Queen"" jumps from the plane. The Frenchman says ""Vive la France"" and jumps. The American says, ""Make America Great Again"" and pushes the Mexican out.

A Frenchman, a Cuban, and a Texan are seated together on a plane... The pilot announces an engine failure in their small commuter craft. Shortly after, the second engine fails. The pilot, in an attempt to drop dead weight instructs all luggage and passenger items to be thrown overboard. It isn't enough, they're not gonna be able to glide to safety. The pilot calls for a few brave souls to make a sacrifice for the greater good. The Frenchman stands stall and shouts ""Vive la France!"" before jump…

A man sued an airline company after they lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

A Blonde Stewardess An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone,…

The US President, French President, and Brazilian President are in an airplane... The French president sticks is arm out of a window in the airplane and says, ""We're flying over France."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just touched the Eiffel Tower."" A little while later, the US president sticks his arm out of the window and says, ""We're flying over the United States."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just to…

So a woman is on a plane... So a woman is on a plane late at night and the hostess gives her some peanuts for free. She explains that the airline has been sponsored by a peanut company called The Nut Shack. Since there were less people on the plane, there were a lot of peanuts left. The woman says 'Thank you!' and goes back to watching the in-flight entertainment. A few minutes later, she hears a small voice say 'You look great today!' She is confused, but keeps watching. Over the course of 10 o…

A preacher, a librarian, and a soldier... ...were on a small airplane when they began to experience some bad turbulence. The captain of the plane instructed them to each throw out some of their personal possessions to reduce the weight of the plane so they could land safely. The preacher threw out some wooden crosses. The librarian threw out several of his favorite books. And the soldier threw out some grenades. Upon landing, the group encountered a little boy who was crying. ""What's wrong?"" a…

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are on a plane... ...when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down. The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math. The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says ""God save the Queen!"" and jumps from the plane. The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says ""Vive la France!"" and jumps to hi…

Muslims are boycotting Delta... Now making Delta the safest airline

A brick fell from an airplane How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator in 3 steps? You open the refrigerator, put the giraffe in and close the refrigerator. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator in 4 steps? You open the refrigerator, take the giraffe out, put the elephant inside and close the refrigerator. A lion is having a birthday and all the animals are there except for one, which one is it? The elephant isn't there, he's in a refrigerator. Sally has to cross a river populated by cr…

The Woman Marine Pilot The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie. Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Des…

A man sued an airline for misplacing his luggage. He unfortunately lost his case.

""What do we want?"" ""AIRPLANE NOISES!"" ""When do we want them?"" ""NEEEEOOOWWWWW"" I'm very sorry

There aws a blond sitting next to a man on an airplane About 1 hr. into the flight the pilot comes on and says over the intercom, ""One of our four engines is out, we will be about fifteen minutes late arriving."" About 30 min. later the pilot comes on the intercom again and say ""There is a second engine out, we will be about 30 min. late."" Fifteen minutes after that the pilot comes on again and says ""I'm sorry to say that there is a third engine out, we'll be about 1 hr. late arriving at our…

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist bastard.

One day, old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair... There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, ""Martha, I think I really should try that."" Martha replies, ""I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10."" So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says …

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting They caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles... In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy. They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't. The flight attendant said, ""Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight.""

Smartest Man in the World An old priest, a boy scout, the President, Bill Gates and the smartest man in the world are traveling in an airplane together. Without warning, the engines fail and the plane starts plummeting towards the earth. There is one problem: the plane is loaded with only 5 parachutes. Someone will have to stay on the plane and die. The pilot walks into the cabin and let's them know the situation. He silently grabs a parachute and jumps out. Bill Gates responds, ""Society still …