#airplane

A British man, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and an American are flying in a small plane oven an ocean. ...And in the middle of their flight, the pilot announces that the plane is losing fuel to a leak, and all unnecessary luggage must be thrown from the plane. Despite this effort, the fuel leak worsens, and the pilot realizes the plane cannot reach land with its current weight. He tells his passengers that one of them must bail out to save the others. The Frenchman volunteers, and declares as he jump…

Make me feel like a woman one last time The pilot of an aeroplane announces they're about to crash and there is no sign of hope. Upon hearing this a beautiful young woman stands up from her seat and yells ""Is there anybody man enough to make me feel like a woman one last time?"" To which a man stands up, rips off his shirt and yells ""Here, iron this!""

Flight Troubles Major Turbulence is hitting a Delta flight hard, and the engines start failing, the plane starts diving into the ocean, the flight attendants tell everyone to remain calm, they tell them once they hit the sea, they can swim to shore, and to those who cannot swim, ""Thank you for choosing Delta.""

The pilot asks over the PA system whether there's a doctor on board From the back a guy shouts ""I'm a vegan!""

What do you call a gay man flying a plane? A pilot, you homophobic bastard!

What do you call a black guy that flys a plane? A pilot, you racist!

what's a resistance pilot's favorite mathematical activity? solving for x wing. what do more advanced resistance pilots do? solve for x and y wing at the same time.

Why ya going to the airport? **Jim Carrey**: ""Why ya going to the airport? Flying Somewhere?"" **Passenger**: ""How'd you guess?"" **Jim Carrey**: ""Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?"" **Passenger**: ""Aspen."" **Jim Carrey**: ""Mmm, California.. Beautiful.""   *Excerpt from Dumb and Dumber.*

TIFU by crashing my airplane I had forgotten to turn off my cell phone :(

Did you know that Polish aircraft do not have seats on the right side of airplane? Because poles in the right hand plane are unstable.

Sat next to a baby on an airplane. Ten hour flight. I had no idea it was even possible to cry for ten hours straight. Baby was also surprised that I pulled it off.

I'm making a documentary show about the different jobs in the air travel industry. The first episode is about the flight attendants.

TIFU by calling a flight attendant a stewardess. Man did he get pissed off.

A White Guy, a Black Guy, a Mexican, and an Asian are all on a plane and the plane starts going down. So the pilot yells ""We're going down, we need to lose some weight to balance it out!"" So the black guy gets a bucket of fried chicken and throws it out. *""Don't worry there are plenty of these where I come from, it's all good!""* The Mexican throws a couple tacos out the window *""Don't worry there are plenty of these where I come from, is all good!""* The Asian grabs his bag of egg rolls and…

What do you call a Black man flying a plane? A pilot. What do you call a Asian man flying a plane? A pilot. What do you call a Middle Eastern man flying a plane? A pilot. What do you call a White man flying a plane? An excellent pilot.

What do you call a Muslim pilot? A hijacker

What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer? None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.

Have you heard about the airplane industry? Its really taking off and reaching new heights.

What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight? I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion

Good jokes What did the doctor say to the airplane that has canser? It's terminal.

I wanted to make a joke about a Russian airplane... ...but it'll probably get shot down

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

What do you call a Chinese who drives an airplane?

They're making a movie about a Kamikaze pilot who wants to assassinate a Catholic Priest It's called ""Aryan vs Predator""

Heard this on my last flight with Southwest from the captain: It was an early flight, 3am to be exact. There were only a handful of passengers. A rather introverted man sat in the very back away from everyone else on board. While sitting there, early in the flight, the man heard someone whisper, ""you are quite the handsome fellow"". The man was puzzled and was looking all around to find who said it. No one was near him. A few minutes later, he heard the same voice whisper again, "" you are so w…