#airplane

What did the pilot who fail flying school did when he went home? Got high.

A blonde goes on a plane to London and decide to sit in first class seat The flight attendant approaches her and asks her to move back to her seat as these seats are very expensive. She refused to move and said "" I'm blonde,I'm beautiful and i'll seat wherever i want"". Next comes the co-pilot and she responds the same... After a while the pilot approaches her whisper in her ear and immediately she got up and went back to her seat. The flight attendant and the co-pilot were so surprised and ask…

Donkeys kill more people annually than airplane crashes so watch your ass.

What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage? No, thanks, it's just carrion...

A Special Package For Business Mens. An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Mens. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip. All Of Them Gave A Same Reply... Which Trip ?

What is a ghost's favorite airplane? BOO!eing

If Jesus was hangin out at the WTC in the 21st century.. Would he have been killed by Pontius Pilot?

What do you call a Chinese Pilot? A Pilot.

What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES! When do we want em?! NNNNEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW

Why did the pilot crash the plane? Because he was a slice of bread

Why would peter pan make a terrible pilot Because he'd neverland.

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane... ...when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says "" We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers ""God Save The Queen"" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers ""Viva La France"" …

Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon? He's such a wookie pilot. I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good.

They made a TV series about 9/11 But it didn't get past the pilot

What do you call an asian who flies planes? A pilot.

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land? Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

Feeling like a woman. As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, ""If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."" She removes all her clothing and asks, ""Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, ""Here, iron this!"".

A Mexican, Italian, and American are on a plane ""The plane is too heavy!"" the pilot says. ""You guys have to throw something out!"" The Mexican grabs a cart of tacos and yells ""We have too many of these!"" The Italian grabs a pot of pasta and yells ""We have too much of this!"" The American grabs the Mexican and yells ""We have too many of these!""

Bush, Trump, Sanders and Clinton are all on a plane and the pilot is Biden. Suddenly Biden has a heart attack and the plane is losing altitude. Their only option is to evacuate, but there are only three parachutes. Bush yells, ""I'm Jeb Bush! I havent bomb Iraq yet! I cant let my bro and dad laugh at me!"" He took the first parachute and jumped. Trump runs screaming, ""I havent dated my daughter and watch her playboy debut, I cant die here!"" He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. Clinton p…

HE: Look My Sweety, a star is falling.... Make a wish quick!!! SHE: To Get Married with you my love <3 He: Ohh Sweetheart... I think that was just an airplane light :D

I threw out a sheep, a drum and a snake from an airplane Ba-dum-tss

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to one another on a long flight. Bored, and thinking he could have some fun with her, the lawyer leans over and offers to play a game. ""We take turns asking each other questions. If you cannot answer my question correctly, you must give me $10. If I cannot answer a question of yours correctly, I will give you $100. Deal?"" The blonde agrees to play, and they exchange a few simple questions, both getting correct answers. Then the lawyer decides to ask some …

BRAKING NEWS ... A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

What two words would passengers never want to hear a pilot say? Allahu akbar

What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot you fukin' racist.