#washington

Two friends have a bet over who knows more people Two friends, Stephen and James, have an argument over who knows more people. Stephen says: "Well, that's a freebie - I'm bowling buddies with the mayor and know more than half of the town council, and I went to university with that one girl from that soap opera." James: "Yeah, but I bet you don't know the state government." Stephen: What? How would y-- nonsense, you don't know them, least of all the governor." James: "Let's drive to the state c…

Two Americans and a Russian on the same flight......... Two Americans boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York... One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.Just before take off a fat, little Russian guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Americans. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the American in the window seat said, "I think I'll goup and get a coke." "No problem," said the Russian, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, t…

Vladmir Putin learns from Obama On his official visit to Washington, DC, Obama shows Putin around the White House. Putin is very impressed by the grandiose building. He can't stop staring at the decorated ceiling and the meticulously carved walls. He asks Obama "Tell me Mr. President, how do you have such a huge house, isn't the economy in depression?" Obama takes Putin to a massive glass window, points at something and asks him "It's very simple Mr. President, do you see that bridge over th…

My friend knows everyone... Dave was bragging to his boss one day: "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No drama boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impresse…

Everybody knows Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Alth…

Dave was bragging to his boss one day "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer! Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After…

An pakistani in the US fears for his safety Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh: I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime. Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agen…

Queen of England Obama was talking to the queen of England and he asked her how she runs her country so well. The queen replies quite simply that she chooses the best people to run it. Obama considers this for a moment and then asks, "how do you ensure that they are the best people for the job?" The queen answers that she quizzes them, and as an example she calls in Tony Blair. She asks him, "your parents have a child; it's not your brother it's not your sister, who is it?" Tony replies "well o…

Did you hear about this CRAZY experiment done by SCIENTISTS? A man suffered from headaches, he went in for treatment. Scientists removed the right half of his brain, and asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten." Then they removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The main counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine." The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten. The man said, "look, we're gon…

Donations A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "ISIS have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks. Th…

"What is the fastest thing you know?" "What is the fastest thing you know?" the interviewer asked to 4 candidates. Dave, the American, replied,"A THOUGHT”. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir , the Russian. "Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest…

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped Congress. They’re asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they’re going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car collecting donations....” “How much is everyone giving, on average?” the driver asks. The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.…

Scientists removed the right half brain of a man and asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten." Then they put the right-half back and removed the left-half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine." The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten. The man said, "look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All t…

The Watergate Hotel A couple stayed on their honeymoon at the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride was worried that the hotel might still be bugged, so of course her new husband started searching the room. Not to upset his new wife, the man did a thorough job of it. He moved every bit of furniture and checked it, even disassembling and reassembling the TV to check for odd components. Finally, under the rug, he found an odd, thick metal disc screwed into the floor, set into a hollow in the f…

The Berkeley joke Two salesmen are travelling in a local train in UK , from Washington to Berkeley. They looked at each other both had similar bags and one has an infant baby. By looking at each other they knew that they were sales men, just the mannerisms and the bag.The one with the infant asked the other guy ,what do you sell? He says helical gears, going on a work trip. Then this person asks what do you sell ,he says condoms. He says ohh!! really and you are carrying your baby on your work…

Congress gets kidnapped A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an aver…

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition) I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there. EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)

Infamous Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is stil…

Bubba Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, “Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!” His boss doesn't believe him, so he says “No you do not know everyone in the whole world.” Bubba says “Yes I do!” Bubba's boss says “Well prove it!” Bubba says “Pick someone and I know them!” Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. “Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!” Bubba says “Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together…

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC; Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks. Th…

Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington but I’m not so sure. I mean

Terrorists A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington

Reddit runs the news now. It's called the... Washington Repost

In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie Nixon could not tell a truth...

Angela Merkel visits Donald Trump in Washington During her stay Trump asks her: ""Tell me Chancellor Merkel