#pittsburgh

An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already... Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. ""To the class of '55!"" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, ""To the class of '55!"" ""Where you from?"" asks the first man of the second after they both toast. ""I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."" ""You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"" The two men drink to their hometown. ""What high school did you go to?"" Ask the se…

Pass the Marmalade Two friends are in a bar having a drink and discussing their long working week. ""So on Tuesday, my secretary tells me I have to make a last minute flight to Pittsburgh for a conference. So I rush to the airport. The woman at the ticket desk was extremely attractive and I was so flustered that instead of saying, 'Can I have two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I said, 'Can I have two pickets to Tittsburgh.' It was very embarrassing."" ""I know exactly how you feel. A similar thing happ…

A slip of the tongue A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, ""Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"" The other guy says, ""Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, …

Freudian Slip Two men are in conversation at a bar. ""Hey Dave, the funniest most awkward thing happened to me the other day.You know what a Freudian slip is?"" ""Yeah, go on"" ""Well I was at the travel agent and the girl at the desk had pretty large breasts and was wearing a low cut top so I couldn't help but stare. So I wanted to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh but I accidentally asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh!"" ""Haha similar thing happened to me last night having dinner with my wife…

Fish jokes One fish says to the other, ""You drink like a fish."" The other fish responds, ""So do you."" What did the sardine call the submarine? A can of people. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line. What fish is best to have in a boat? A Sailfish. What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tunafish! (from my son Josh) If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? Finland. Where do fish keep their money? In the ri…

People form Pittsburgh are called Pittsburgers. Do you know what people from Hamburg are called? Germans

A Picket to Tittsburgh I was at the local bus station to buy a ticket to Pittsburgh. While I was in line to purchase my ticket, I noticed the woman working behind the counter was stunning and had enormous breasts. I have always clammed up whenever I speak to women, let alone a gorgeous woman with a great rack, so I silently began rehearsing what I would say in my mind when I reached the front of the line: ...One ticket to Pittsburgh, please....One ticket to Pittsburgh, please... Finally, it was …

An pakistani in the US fears for his safety Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh: I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime. Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency,…

Two guys sitting in an airport lounge The first guy laments how he totally embarrassed himself earlier that day. ""I was flying into Pittsburgh and when I went to the ticket counter, I couldn't stop looking at the prodigious bosom of the ticket lady. What I meant to say was 'I need a ticket to Pittsburgh....what came out was 'I need a ticket to Tittsburgh"". After both guys had a hardy laugh, the second guy starts laughing to himself and says, ""Same thing happened to me this morning at breakfas…

Two guys with black eyes get seated together on a flight Once they are settled, the first guy says ""this is quite a coincidence! I'm not sure what I'm going to tell my clients. I was back there at the counter and the agent had this amazing rack! I meant to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh, but it came out as 'two pickets to tittsburgh'! And bang, she let me have it."" The second guy said, ""this really IS a coincidence! Just this morning I meant to ask my wife 'will you please pass me the half…

Once upon a time, I went to Pittsburgh to see a baseball game During one of the half-inning breaks of that game, I went to get a soda from a vending machine for $1.75. I put in my two dollars, got my drink, but I didn't get my change back. I was rather annoyed, but then I realised: Pirates give no quarter.

There are two men sitting on a plane next to each and they both have black eyes... They begin talking and of course the black eyes come up. First man says "" It's a funny story... I was going to buy my ticket and when i stepped up to the window, I saw the most beautiful blonde with the biggest rack I had ever seen. I got flustered and mixed my words up. I meant to say, I need one ticket to Pittsburgh. But what I actually said is, I need one picket to Tittsburgh. Then she punched me right in the …

Freudian Slip There were these two guys having lunch one day when the first guy says to the second one, ""You ever say one thing to someone when you meant to say something else?"" ""How do you mean?"" says the second one. ""Well last week I was at the airport in Philly and I wanted to come back here to Pittsburgh and the women at the counter had these enormous breasts so instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Tittsburgh."" ""I know what you mean."", says the …

A man approaches the ticket counter at a train station, and notices that he and the attendant have matching black eyes... The man approaches the ticket counter, and says "Hey, look at that buddy, we've got matching shiners! How'd you get yours?" The ticket attendant replies, "Oh man, it's the damndest thing... this beautiful woman came up to the counter just SPILLING out of her shirt. Instead of saying 'Here's your ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said 'Here's your picket to Tittsburgh', …

An pakistani in the US fears for his safety Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh: I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime. Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agen…

The Fruedan Slit Not sure if I have shared this here, but it's one of my all time favourites and another I read just reminded me of this.... Two guys sit next to each other in business class and immediately realise that they each have a fresh black eye... "How did you get that black eye?" asks the first. "Oh, I made a freudian slip at the ticket office..." said the other. Noticing his new acquaintance was confused, he elaborated, "it's kind of when you say what you thinking instead of what's …

Two men sit next to each other on a plane to Pittsburgh both have a black eye...

Did you know that the NY Jets are 0-2 against Pittsburgh in the NFL Playoffs? Turns out Jet fuel can't melt Steeler dreams.

What do you call a group of lesbians from Pittsburgh? Lesbiyinz.

What does Pittsburgh have in common with Peter Pan? The Pirates always lose.

Back in the 1940s, two first-time flyers took a plane from New York to Los Angeles. When they made their first stop – at Philadelphia – a red truck arrived to put fuel in the plane. A little while later, they landed in Pittsburgh, and again a red truck pulled up to fill the plane's tanks with fuel. Each time they landed to discharge or take on passengers, a red truck would pull up and add fuel to the tanks. Finally, after landing in Kansas City and seeing the truck pull up again, one passenger s…

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy says, "Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to…