#philadelphia

[on a business trip to South Carolina] Nice to meet you. I'm from Philadelphia. "Welcome to the United States."

"That'll be $147,382." - The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air.

In West Philadelphia born & raised/ through my anus is where I got most of my AIDS - Tom Hanks in Philadelphia'

Shia muslims are not welcome in the City of Brotherly Love... Because it's always sunni in Philadelphia.

Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania? Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!

Sir, I pulled over a VIP and I'm not sure what to do. When the Pope was visiting Philadelphia, PA this past year there was an incident that did not get any coverage in the news. The Pope after leaving the church went to his limosuine and was feeling a bit impulsive and decided he wanted to drive. So he asked the limo driver if he could drive, the driver decided he had to give the Pope want he want so he got out of the driver seat and into the back and the Pope got into the driver seat and took o…

I was up late last night watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks... ...We were the finalists in a cream cheese staring competition.

What do Nicki Minaj and the Philadelphia police department have in common? Reclaiming black bodies.

1000$ a night The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. ""Can I help you?"" the madam asked. ""I want Natalie,"" the old man replied. ""Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."" ""No, I must see Natalie."" Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man cal…

Chip Kelly had gone to a fortune teller Unsure about the way things were going, he asked if he was getting fired. When she said yes, he begged her to tell him when. ""Philadelphia has a lot of street parties - it will be a big holiday."" ""Well which one?"" he demanded, thinking Mummers and fireworks. ""Don't worry Chip. ANY day you get fired will be a big holiday.""

Due to the hilarity of tomorrow's NBA contest between the Philadelphia Seventy Sixers and LA Lakers, the NBA has agreed to air the match live on comedy central and the comedy network. joke

Have you heard about the recent wave of Saudi emmigration to Pennsylvania? No? Yeah, well it's quite big - there was even a popular documentary series on it... ""It's always Sunni in Philadelphia.""

The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink

Here's a terrible joke I heard on the radio. So, a families toilet stopped working so they call a plumber to come fix it. The plumber says that his next free appointment is noon tomorrow, so the family sets up the appointment. Tomorrow rolls around and the family forgets that the plumber is coming and head off to work. At noon the plumber comes and knocks on the door. *knock knock knock* comes from the plumber. *knock knock knock* comes back from the house. ""That's weird"" said the plumber. ""T…

Why can't Shia Joe travel in eastern Pennsylvania? Because it's always Sunni in Philadelphia.

In the window of a bar in Philadelphia Drop a bucket of Starbuck's Iced Coffee on your head to raise awareness of the rich city girls who have lost their ability to even.

4 story building in Philadelphia being demolished collapses on top of Goodwill store with 14 people inside. One dead, thirteen injured, twenty-nine taken to the hospital.

A man from Brooklyn... A man from Brooklyn who worked for an entertainment company was tasked with with looking after meals for singer Adele, who was in town for a performance one day. It was known throughout the business that she refused to work on an empty stomach and that this job was crucial to the success of the performance. When Adele arrived there was no food present and she became enraged. The mans boss began to panic, until the man walked into his boss' office with a plan. ""Don't worry…

Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ? Must have been a duck family A duck family ? Didn't you say there was a quack in it !

What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball? The Philadelphia Beagles!

Two nuns on a bike ride in Philadelphia Two nuns are on a bide ride through Philadelphia, the first nun says to the second, "Make a right turn here, I know a short cut". After a few minutes the second nun says, "I've never come this way before". The first replies, "I know, it's the cobblestones"

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday .... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said th…

An Old Man Visits A Brothel The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie." Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereu…

I went to go see the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia once. It's not all that it's cracked up to be.

Actually true horrible pun I used to live in a small town outside Philadelphia that had a private mental hospital. A stream ran through the grounds and near it was a low-lying area that filled up with water any time it rained. The staff named that temporary pond "Lake Psychiatry" because it was a depression.