Chip Kelly had gone to a fortune teller Unsure about the way things were going, he asked if he was getting fired. When she said yes, he begged her to tell him when. ""Philadelphia has a lot of street parties - it will be a big holiday."" ""Well which one?"" he demanded, thinking Mummers and fireworks. ""Don't worry Chip. ANY day you get fired will be a big holiday.""
Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a "cooter" you're fired for life.
Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.
01KKTNCV6RRM5VTR4BVQP0P3F3