#kelly

"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald's application

Guys, Kelly Kapowski does not belong solely to me She belongs to us all She's R. Kelly

People that start a sentence with "Now I'm not trying to be rude" are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.

Yo. Wanna do graffiti? "Sure man" [My friend makes a cool gang symbol on a wall] Cool. Let me try [Mine reads KELLY WHY DID U LEAVE ME]

A great joke for a date (Also, my first post) So a man, Bill takes a young lady, Kelly, on a date. He decides to take her to the carnival. Upon asking what she wants to do, Kelly says, ""I want to get weighed."" A bit confused, the man takes her to the weighing station, where the man gets her weight right on the third guess. Having lost, Bill asks Kelly, ""What do you want to do next?"" to which Kelly replies, ""I want to get weighed."" Bill is confused, and eventually fakes a headache and takes…

A Blonde temp is asked by her boss to go get coffee... Kelly, a blonde temp, is asked by her boss to go get six coffees from the cafe below their floor for a meeting that's about to start. Knowing the boss and his associates would want the coffees really hot, she decides to take a thermos down. The thermos is really large but she's not sure whether it'll hold all 6 coffees. Kelly arrives downstairs and asks the guy behind the counter, ""Do you think this thermos will hold six coffees?"". Joe, th…

Jury awards $22 million to man locked in closet by East Cleveland police for four days with no food or toilet. R Kelly is going to sue the East Cleveland police for copyright infringement.

''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. ''I got in a tiff with Riley.'' ''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.'' ''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.'' ''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?'' ''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''

Chip Kelly had gone to a fortune teller Unsure about the way things were going, he asked if he was getting fired. When she said yes, he begged her to tell him when. ""Philadelphia has a lot of street parties - it will be a big holiday."" ""Well which one?"" he demanded, thinking Mummers and fireworks. ""Don't worry Chip. ANY day you get fired will be a big holiday.""

The Fly and R Kelly A Fly buzzes up to R Kelly and asks ""Mr Kelly could you please sing me a song?"" R Kelly pauses in thought then replies ""I believe I can, fly"".

A good joke for a date Joe takes Kelly to a carnival on a blind date. Joe asks, ""what would you like to do first?"" and Kelly replies, ""I want to get weighed."" So they visit the weight guesser who predicts that Kelly weighs 130 pounds. Since she only weighs 110 pounds, Kelly wins a stuffed animal. Joe asks what she would like to do next, to which she replies again, ""I want to get weighed."" He suggests the Ferris wheel, but Kelly is adamant. So they return to the weight guesser, and, of cour…

What does R. Kelly say to his kids when they do something bad? Urine trouble

What did R. Kelly say to the teenage girl fan? Urine for a surprise.

Kelly was standing in front of Cohan's Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car jumped in and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him ""I stopped it!"" ""I know you idiot!"" said the man. ""I was pushing it!""

An Irish joke from Murphy (Best read drunk) Kelly showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell over with joy. Kelly hadn’t been to church in years. Enthused with Kelly’s presence, Father delivered an impassioned sermon on the Ten Commandments. After Mass, skirts flying, Father caught up with Kelly at the church door. “Kelly, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what brought ya?” Kelly said, “To be honest Father, a while back, I lost me hat and I really, really love that hat.…

Why didn't R. Kelly make it as a hockey player? He was never interested in scoring after the first period.

From now on instead of saying #1 or #2 for the bathroom I'm going to call it an R. Kelly or Amber Heard

R Kelly taking the art out of rap artist.

Why did Kelly fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock? Who's there? ….Not Kelly.

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive? Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

What do you call a pirate that pees on other people? Rrrrrrrrrrrr Kelly

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale? Urinate

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines? They both think they can fly.

What do you call a paedophile pirate? Aaarrrrrrr Kelly!!

What do you get when you cross a pirate and a pedophile? Arrrrrr Kelly