#murphys

Murphy's Law - If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. Cole's Law - shredded cabbage in mayo

Poker Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, ""Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife... who will it be?"" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. ""Di…

The Irish Spy A Russian agent is told he is to be sent on a Top Secret mission, where he will rendezvous with Murphy, the Irish spy on the shore of County Donegal. He is told that when he meets Murphy the code phrase is 'The Sun rises slowly over Moscow'. The next morning the agent is delivered, at 5 am, on the shore of county Donegal, the submarine disappears into the Atlantic. The agent looks around but Murphy is nowhere to be seen, the agent then happens to look up on the road and sees a man …

The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout. A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law.

Murphy's law of Computing. Murphy's Laws of Computing 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mista…

Murphy... ...had had a very rough life. He was orphaned at the age of four, and was physically abused at every foster home he lived in. When he made it to high school, he was determined to study hard and make something of himself. But he was a sickly boy, and missed so much school that he didn't graduate. He worked several low-paying jobs and got fired from every one. Every friend he made ended up stabbing him in the back. Every time he moved one step forward, he fell two steps back. Finally, li…

Eddie Murphy's joke: the bear and the rabbit A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. Bear turns to the rabbit and says, ""Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"" The rabbit says, ""No."" So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. (original) --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jORyfjHx5iY

Murphy's wife told him he should put a pair of clean socks on every day. By Friday he couldn't get his boots on.

Murphy's Law - The Tech Version All great discoveries are made by mistake. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. All's well that ends. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. Nothing motivates a man more than to see…

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very nex…

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers. 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you wer…

Paddy's and Murphy's Pigs Paddy and Murphy went out one day and each bought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Murphy and said, "Murphy, how we gonna tell who owns which pig?" Murphy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one a ta' ears off my pig, and ten we can tell 'em apart." "Ah, tat'd be grand," says Paddy. This worked fine for a couple of weeks until Paddy stormed into the house. "Murphy," he said, "Your pig has chewed the ear off my pig. Now we got two pigs with one ear each. How we g…

Paddy has just correctly answered the £500,000 question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. He has only one question standing between him and the £1m jackpot. "Which of these birds does not live in a nest? A) Thrush, B) Kestrel, C) Blue Tit, D) Cuckoo" Paddy has one lifeline left, phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub. Murphy agrees, and immediately shouts "It's a cuckoo!" Paddy goes with that answer and wins the jackpot. That evening, Paddy was round at Murph…

An Irish joke from Murphy (Best read drunk) Kelly showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell over with joy. Kelly hadn’t been to church in years. Enthused with Kelly’s presence, Father delivered an impassioned sermon on the Ten Commandments. After Mass, skirts flying, Father caught up with Kelly at the church door. “Kelly, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what brought ya?” Kelly said, “To be honest Father, a while back, I lost me hat and I really, really love that hat.…

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment... ...when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'D…

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland’ The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’ The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’ The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’ The first one responds, ‘So am I!’ ‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’ The other blo…

A lesson in conception Murphy’s old lady was pregnant & the time had come. He brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. ‘Hey, Murph! You just had you a son!   ‘Ain’t dat grand!” cried Murphy. ‘Hold on! We’re never finished yet!” exclaimed the doctor. The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, ‘Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter! She’s a pretty little thing.” Murphy look dazed but he smi…

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro..... Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro roll up to an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy, the officer, halts them and sternly declares, "It's illegal to cram five people into a Quattro. 'Quattro' means four." The Englishman, incredulous, retorts, "Quattro is just the name of the car! Check the papers: it's designed for five." "You can't pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means four. You've got five folks in there; it's against the law." The Englishma…

Murphy's Law States: "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question; it's to post the wrong answer."

Know the laws! "Have you heard of Murphy's Law?" Yeah. "What is it?" Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. "Okay, have you heard of Cole's Law?" Yeah. "So what is it?" Thinly sliced cabbage.

Murphy's Pub **Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy's Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”** **The other bloke responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”** **The first one says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”** **The other bloke answers, “Im from Dublin, I am.”** **The first one responds, “So am I!”** **“Mother Mary and begorra. And what street did you live…

Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Coles Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.

You guys ever heard of Murphy's law? Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong

Have you heard of Murphy's Law? ""Anything that can go wrong

Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It states that anything that can go wrong