#brooklyn

Walking around Brooklyn, slapping people's brunches to the ground.

ok so, imagine star wars but instead of space it's brooklyn n uh instead of cool space guys, it's lena dunham complaining about stuff

Somewhere in Brooklyn there's a baby named Helvetica being fussy about eating pureed kale and sleeping in his crib of repurposed bike parts.

The Mathematician from Brooklyn A mathematician hailing from Brooklyn, NY gets invited to the annual conference for mathematics, statistics and logic. Upon arriving, he notices that a world-renown professor is hosting what was listed as ""The Unbeatable Brain-Teaser"". He decides to sign up, and gets in the single-file line for a one-on-one chance to attempt to solve the professor's riddle. Once inside the conference room, the Brooklyn man is told that he will be faced with a 3-part riddle. The …

Some people are named after where they were conceived. For example Brooklyn, Paris... My friend Ally doesn't agree.

A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on one shoulder ... The bartender says, ""Hey, where'd you get that?"" And the frog says, ""Brooklyn, der's hundreds of um.""

An Italian man is on his deathbed... An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. ""Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."" ""But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"" ""You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Then one-a day you g…

Why did the guy from Brooklyn cross the road? None of your f**king business.

Donald Trump decided that he doesn't want to attend intelligence briefings anymore. Coincidentally, he took notice how the Jews always have the inside scoop before anyone. So he consulted his cabinet of advisors how the Jews always were the first to know everything. And after much research by the intelligence community, the findings were very peculiar to say the least. ""Mr. President, we've found that any time a Jew greets another, they always start with a secret code: *vus machter reb yid*. Th…

Blatant racial discrimination with a twist of truth. First grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. The teacher asks Sarah: ""What did you do at recess?"" Sarah says, ""I played in the sandbox."" The teacher says, ""That's good, now go to the Blackboard and if you can spell 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."" She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. Morris says, ""I played with Sarah in the sandbox."" The teacher says, ""Good. If you wri…

Breaking news! Heres one HOT story! down in Brooklyn, a Bakery burnt down, witnesses said it was TOAST! a man ran back into the building after fleeing to save the baker! he could have RYED! at YEAST they got out alive.

Who is a Brooklyn dog's favorite composer? Bach Bach Bach

Why Is Six Afraid Of Seven... Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can barely close his eyes without opening them again at the fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into the village and... oh Jesus. The memories rarely left him. Sometimes he'd reminisce- even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He rememb…

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, ""Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."" ""Oh, my,"" said the father. What have I done?"" He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do. Jake said, ""Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we…

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, ""Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."" ""Oh, my,"" said the father. What have I done?"" He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do. Jake said, ""Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we…

What's a Brooklyn contractors favorite dance? Dewalts

Guy walks into a bar... So this Jewish guy walks into a bar in New York with a parrot on his shoulder. The Bartender goes where'd you get that? And the parrot says, ""in Brooklyn, they're everywhere.""

Brooklyn When you go to Brooklyn always bring a camera, because there are many things in Brooklyn that you will see, then never see again in your life... Starting with that camera.

Three young daughters. The three young daughters were hanging out with their mom. They're 8, 7, and 5. The eldest one asked the mom, ""Mom, why is my name Paris?"". The mom replied ""Oh it's because you were made in Paris honey. We had our honeymoon there"". The second one curiously asked the mom ""is that why my name is Brooklyn mom? Because you guys were in Brooklyn when I was made?"". ""Yes honey, that's right. It's a very nice place and your dad is from there"". The third child was so overly…

What do you call a bowling alley in Brooklyn? Ebo-wling

A Chinese, A Mexican, A black guy and a White guy.. are standing by the edge of a cliff. The Chinese guy says,"" This is for all my peopre back in China."" and he jumps off the cliff. The Mexican guy says,"" This is for all my amigos back in Mexico."" and jumps off the cliff. Then, the black guy says,"" This is for all my brothas back in brooklyn."" and pushes the white guy off the cliff.

A man from Brooklyn... A man from Brooklyn who worked for an entertainment company was tasked with with looking after meals for singer Adele, who was in town for a performance one day. It was known throughout the business that she refused to work on an empty stomach and that this job was crucial to the success of the performance. When Adele arrived there was no food present and she became enraged. The mans boss began to panic, until the man walked into his boss' office with a plan. ""Don't worry…

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. ""Walmart!"" the rabbi exclaimed. ""Why Wal-Mart?"" ""Then I'll be sure my daughter will visit me twice a week.""

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated and second she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. ""Bloomingdales!"" the rabbi exclaimed. ""Why Bloomingdales?"" ""Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.""

Did you hear about the Brooklyn bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the escalator got stuck?