#joe-biden

Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer

Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT

If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who's president.

How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a senate's bill gets 69 votes? I bet he has to leave the room.

40 world leaders are in DC tonight. Blocks away, George Clinton is playing a show. Does Joe Biden know what a big funking deal that is?

I feel like if Joe Biden and Kanye West were involved in a Freaky Friday scenario no one would notice for months.

REMINDER: Joe Biden is the only American vice president in the last 15 years who hasn't shot a friend in the face.

*Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear

advice to my younger self: dont bang that old man on his helicopter he's not joe biden

I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020 Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time..... I'm sorry

Walking around Washington, Joe Biden sees Donald Trump and says to him... Hey Donald! (says Joe Biden), I know I'm an ugly, bumbling, retard, with ridiculous hair plugs, so I've long since accepted that women don't find me attractive. But for your whole life, the most beautiful women have always loved you. I've wanted to know what it was like to be a man who actually gets the women. Trump says, well... you spend every day in the White House with Barack. I mean, sure he's an idiot, hates America,…

Joe Biden marries two gay white house officials at his house. His wife isn't happy.

President Obama to the Queen: ""Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"" ""Well,"" said the Queen, ""the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."" Obama frowned, and then asked, ""But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"" The Queen took a sip of champagne. ""Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch"" The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. ""Please s…

The most unrealistic part of The Martian movie was... CNN's coverage did not involve speculation about whether Joe Biden would also get stuck on Mars

Hillary and Mandela Poor Hillary was down in the dumps this morning, the campaign is in the doldrums, the pollsters are not being kind, the public is disinterested, and she is way behind in New Hampshire. To top it all off, now she is even having to consider Joe Biden as a potential competitor. Uncle Joe Biden! For crying out loud. So Bill did his best to try to cheer her up this morning, over breakfast. He reminded her of their good acquaintance, Nelson Mandela, who faced even greater hardship …

Why are people so surprised that Joe Biden acts like such a poonhound? It's in his job description. After all, he *is* the Vice President.

What do you call it when President Obama and Joe Biden talk shop over a nice dinner? A government man-date. Boom. I'll be here all night.

Topical Jokes for 1/12 The White House said that not sending a senior official to the Paris liberty march was a mistake. Joe Biden was supposed to fly there, but he's not allowed on a plane unless he's accompanied by an adult. United Airlines is considering outsourcing jobs to cut costs. From now on, one lucky passenger will get to fly the plane, while being fed instructions from a customer-service rep in Mumbai. In North Carolina, a woman accidentally shot her husband when he surprised her with…

What does Joe Biden say as he is leaving his house? Biden

This week President Obama became the first president to get a life-size 3D-printed portrait done. It looked so real that Joe Biden argued with it for 20 minutes that Peeta is better than Gale. Biden then realized his mistake, . . . and admitted Gale is the clear choice.

Topical Jokes for 10/27 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) In Portland, they held a competition to see who had the best beard and mustache. The winner was a complete loser. ...first prize in the beard contest was a record of band that broke up before they recorded a song, and an enormous jar filled with apathy. In Toronto, Rob Ford has lost his reelection bid. Ford's opponent won with the slogan, ""I am Not Rob Ford."" ...Rob Ford gave a tear-filled concession…

Topical Jokes for 10/16 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Joe Biden's son has been discharged from the Navy after testing positive for cocaine. Joe Biden contacted his son immediately and asked, ""Do you have any left!?!"" New York has selected yogurt as the state's official snack. Governor Cuomo made the decision after riding on the New York subway, and sitting in a substance that he assumed was yogurt. In Illinois, a cow that is 6 feet, 4 inches tall, has b…

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, ""Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"" ""Well,"" said the Queen, ""the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."" Obama frowned, and then asked, ""But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"" The Queen took a sip of tea. ""Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."" The Queen pushed a button on her inte…

The Queens Riddle Barack Obama met with the Queen of Great Britain. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a b…

President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt... President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter. They sit down to wait for President Xi, but Biden notices they still have their trousers rolled up. So he whispers: "M…