#second-man

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. ""Why are you eating grass?"" he asked one man. ""We don't have any money for food."" the poor man replied. ""Oh, come along with me then."" ""But sir, I have a wife with two children!"" ""Bring them along! And you, come with us too!"", he said to the other man. ""But sir, I have a wife with six children!"" the sec…

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one of the men ""Why are you eating the grass?"" ""We don't have money for food,"" the poor man replied. ""Oh, come along with me then,"" instructed the lawyer. The man answered ""But sir, I have a wife and two children! ""Bring them along"" replied the lawyer. The lawyer turn to the other man and said, ""…

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. ""Why of course"", comes the reply. The first man then asks: ""Where are you from?"" ""I'm from Scotland"", replies the second man. The first man responds: ""You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."" ""Of Course"", replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: ""Where in Scotland are you from?"" ""Aberdeen"", comes the reply. ""I can't believe it"", says the f…

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked ""What is the fastest thing you know of?"" pointing to the man on his right. The first man replied ""A thought. It pops into …

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, ""What is three times three?"" ""274,"" came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, ""It's your turn. What is three times three?"" ""Tuesday,"" replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, ""Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"" ""Nine,"" says the third man. ""That's great!"" says the doctor. ""How did y…

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, ""Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war...could you help me?"" ""Of course, my son"", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years. The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard tim…

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river. Another man is walking down the street a half hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river. Sometime later the two men are floating down the river together an…

Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election. ""I'm not voting for any of the candidates"" the first man said. ""I don't know any of them."" ""I feel the same way"" the second man said. ""Only I know them all.""

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap lake and rough on the course and they didn't bother to wave the men on through which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting one man said ""I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through."" He walked out to the fairway got halfway to the ladies stopped turned around and came back explaining ""I can't do it. One of those women …

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture St. Peter asks ""How do these represent Christmas?"" ""They're Carol's.""

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. ""Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"" ""I was a policeman"" he responded. ""What kind of policeman?"" St Peter asked. ""I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."" ""Wonderful my son welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."" A few moments later a second man walks up. ""Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"" ""I was a policeman"" he responded. ""What kind of…

One afternoon a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. ""Why are you eating grass?"" he asked one man. ""We don't have any money for food."" The poor man replied. ""Oh come along with me then."" ""But sir I have a wife with two children!"" ""Bring them along! And you come with me too!"" he said to the other man. ""But sir I have a wife with six children!"" The second man an…

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi Paul. Tell me when you died how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me Paul what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi what's your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi Roger. Tell me when you died how much were you earning? Roger: 60…

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. ""Have you had any bites?"" asked the second man. ""Yes lots"" replied the first one ""but they were all mosquitoes.""

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted and after he writes his letter they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the…

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said "" my wife was reading a ""tale of two cities"" and she gave birth to twins"" ""That's funny"" the second man remarked ""my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"" The third man shouted ""Good God I have to rush home!"" When asked what the problem was he exclaimed "" When I left the house my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves""!!!

eer booze and fun!' 'Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other ""Boy it sure is hot today. I'd really like to go into the bar and get a beer but the sign on the front door says ""No Pets Allowed"" and I can't leave Fido alone on the street."" The other man replies ""No problem just stand by the door and watch me and you'll be having that beer real soon!"" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses and then walks into …

eer booze and fun!' 'A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. 'Why of course' comes the reply. The first man then asks 'Where are you from?' 'I'm from Ireland' replies the second man. The first man responds by saying 'You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.' 'Of course' replies the second man. Curious the first man then asks 'Where in Ireland are you from?' 'Dublin' comes the reply. 'I can't believe it' says the …

eer booze and fun!' 'A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. ""But I paid don't you remember?"" says the customer. ""Okay"" says the bartender ""If you said you paid you did."" The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies ""If you say you paid I'l…

A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him ""What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"" The Lawyer thought a moment then said ""A week ago I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."" Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said ""Well that's fine but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."" The Lawyer said ""Wait Wait! There's mor…

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day though so Peter had to tell the first one ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment I could tel…

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying ""I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked ""How many times did you cheat on your wife?"" The first man replied ""Lord I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."" The Lord replied ""Very good! Not only will I allow you in but for being faithful to your wife …

Finest Praying Three neighbors were discussing the proper position and attitude for prayer. One said, "You should be on your knees with your head bowed in reverence to the Almighty." The second man spoke up and said, "Remember that you were created in God's image. The position in which to pray is to stand up looking into the heavens into the face of God and talk to Him as a child to his father." The third man spoke up and said, "I don't know about those positions, but the finest praying I ev…

What's the fastest thing on Earth? Four men are being interviewed as part of a scientific survey that is being conducted in order to determine what's the fastest thing on earth. The first man says,"I think that it's probably a blink because you can blink so quickly that sometimes you don't even realize that your blinking." The second man scoffs at this idea and says,"A thought is certainly much faster than a blink, and I challenge anyone who disagrees with me to speak up now!" The third man tho…

Ole and Sven A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "why sure," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "where ya from?" "Norway," replies the second man. The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway." Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?" "Bergen," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old…