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Three men get captured by natives... Three men get captured by natives. The native chief has the men go out into the jungle and gather nine pieces of whatever fruit they could get. So the men go out into the forest and get their fruits. The first man comes back to the native chief and presents apples. The chief says that if he can put all nine of the apples up his ass without making a noise, he will be set free. So the first man takes his apples, and one by one he gets them up there, but on the

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Three men & their daughters at the pearly gates Three men, each with an adult daughter, arrive at the gates of heaven. St Peter greets them, then says to the first man, ""you cannot be granted access to heaven as you have devoted your whole life to the accumulation of wealth. You even named your daughter here Penny, and she has continued the family tradition. There can be no admittance for either of you."" The man & his daughter turn away & St Peter turns to the second couple. ""You

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Tell your favorite fart joke growing up. More terrible the better. Three men jumped out of an airplane. The first one jumped and dropped a penny. When he landed, he found a boy crying, and asked him why he was crying. He of course said, a penny fell on his head. A second man jumped and dropped an apple. He found another kid crying, and he asked why. The boy said an apple hit him in the head. The third man jumped and dropped a grenade. He found a boy laughing his eyes out when he landed. He asked

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3 men board a plane. As the plane was flying over their destination, one of the men threw a apple out of the plane. The second man threw an orange out of the plane and the third man threw a bomb out of the plane. When the plane landed, the men got out of the plane and went their separate ways. The man who threw the apple sees a girl crying and asked her what was wrong. She replied with ""an apple fell from the sky and hit my head."" The second man sees a small boy crying. He asks him what happen

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3 men are lost in the desert... and on the brink of death, they desperately pray to God for help. Suddenly, the skies open up, and a booming voice comes down from the heavens. ""I will do this for you three men: Run up that sand dune in front of you, and when you reach the top, yell out something you want to turn into, and it shall be so."" The first man thinks, and decides that a desert animal would be best. He runs up the hill and yells ""Camel!"" It was so, and he began trekking across the de

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A King brings forth three men.. A King brings forth three men whom have been sentenced to death. He has a strange sense of humour and, having not had a good laugh in awhile, decides to use these three as his source of entertainment. He tells each man to gather twelve of one type of fruit and bring it back. They scurry away to find their fruits. The first man arrives with twelve apples. ""You must push all of your twelve apples into your anus without making a facial expression. If you make any ex

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Death or Buki? Three men are marooned on a desert island. They wander the island looking for food and are captured by some hostile natives. They are brought before the chief who says ""You decide. Death or Buki?"" The first man replies ""uhh...Buki I think."" He is immediately taken by the crowd and sodomized. The second man horrified says. ""Oh God...Buki."" He also is taken by the crowd and suffers the same fate. Finally the third man says. ""Death!"" the chief raises an eyebrow and says. ""De

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A man comes home early to surprise her wife He walks up the stairs, into the bedroom and gently wake up the wife. Then he goes to the window and shows to the woman their new car, just bought, after years of savings. In that exact moment, they see a thief trying to wire start the car. The man, instinctively, lift the closet and throw it through the window, smashing the car and killing the thief. Unfortunately, he also fall from the window and die on the floor, 5 floor under. That night three men

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Three men are deserted on an Island Three men become deserted on an Island after their Boat crashes. They soon encounter the King of the Island who promises a way off the Island. The only catch is only one of them is allowed off the Island. The King requests that whoever finds the most Ping Pong Balls on the Island will be granted the way off the Island. The three go their separate ways to find the most Ping Pong Balls. The first man comes back after four weeks with a bag full of Ping Pong Balls

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Investigators in training There are three investigators in training. They have to look at a side profile picture for a short time and pick out an interesting detail to recognize them. The first man looks at the picture and says: ""that man only has one eye!"" Of course the trainer is furious and says: ""you idiot! You only see one eye because its only one side of his face!"" The second man says: ""this man has only one ear!"" Again the trainer is mad: ""you idiot! That's because its only one sid

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Cheating wife A man has been suspecting his wife is cheating on him and decides he'll try to catch her in the act. One day he comes home early from work to find his wife all dolled up awkwardly sitting alone in the living room. ""Alright! Where the hell is he!?"" he screams. The wife claims she has no idea what he's talking about. The man goes into a rage and starts tearing through the whole place. He notices a man standing outside the apartment on the sidewalk. In his rage he is convinced that'

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Each man gives a story Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th

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A Mean Drunk Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says ""You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window"". The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second guy says, ""What, are you nuts? There's no w

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A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, ""Why are you eating grass?"" ""We don't have any money for food,"" the poor man replied. ""We have to eat grass."" ""Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"" the lawyer said. ""But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."" ""Bring them along,""

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So three elderly men at a rest home are conversing about their age... The first man says, ""When I get up at 6:00 AM, it takes me a half hour to pee."" Second man says, ""You're lucky. When I get up at 7:00 AM, it takes me a straight hour to take my morning poop."" Third man says, ""I piss like a racehorse at 6:00 and crap like a goose at 7:00."" ""Then what's the matter with you?"" asked the other two. ""Problem is, I'm not up until 8:00!""

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Heavenly Christmas After an accident, three dead souls find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to Christmas. The first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, ""How do these represent Christmas?"" The man responded, ""They're Carol's.""

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Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, ""Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."" St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse. St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said befor

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One of my favorites Two men are in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. The first man says to the other, ""You know, some days the wind is so strong up here you can take a drink of beer, jump out the window, and walk right back in."" To which the second man replies, ""There is no way that that is possible!"" The first man says ""I bet $100 that I can jump out that window and come right back in."" The second man, thinking this will be an easy $100 agrees, but tells the first man to leav

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2 guys walk into a delicatessen A waiter comes up and asks the two friends ""what can I get you?"" The first guy says ""well, what are your specials today?""To which the waiter replies ""today, sir, we have a tongue sandwich. Yes, the tongue sandwich is our special today."" Sitting quietly for a moment the man replies ""...you know I think... Well I've never had a tongue sandwich before...I think I'll try it. In fact, why don't you make it a double...yes, I'll have a double tongue sandwich."" Th

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Two rich men and a terrorist are on top of a building... ...and the two rich men decide that they will each throw a coin off the top of the building, and see who collects it at the bottom. The first man throws a silver coin, but it does not go very far. The second man goes, ""Hah! I bet I can throw farther than you!"" and throws another silver coin, a bit farther. The terrorist says,""I am sure I can throw a bomb farther than the both of you."" He then proceeds to lob his bomb a lot further than

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