#second-man

Two men at the Olympics Two men are at the Olympics. One man walks up to the second man and asks, ""Hey, are you a pole vaulter?"" The second man responds, ""Nope, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?""

Cannibal Island Three men are shipwrecked on an island infested with cannibals. The cannibal king tells the three men that they must complete a test so that they may not be eaten. He tells them to bring back 10 pieces of the same fruit. The first man brings back apples and is told he must shove all 10 up his butt without making a noise to pass the test. He gets half of one up there before he screams and gets cooked. The second man comes back with rasberries. As he is about to get the 10th and fi…

Air Currents I learned this joke when I was about eight. My parents liked it so much I had to tell it to all their friends. __________ There's a bar on the 88th floor of the Empire State Building with an open balcony overlooking the city. One one fine April afternoon, two drunks stood at the railing, deep in conversation. ""I'm telling you,"" the first drunk said, ""it's all air currentsh. They blow crazy through thish city."" The second drunk was having none of it, but the first drunk was persi…

Two scientists walk into a bar... Two scientists walk into a bar. The first asks for H2O. The second asks for H2O, too. The second man dies.

Three Men Brag About Their Sons. Three men are in a bar. They are talking about how great their sons are to their respective girlfriends. The first man says my son is an amazing pilot. He gave his girlfriend a plane as a gift he is the best. The second man says well my son happens to be a great carpenter he actually built his girlfriend a three story house. The final man says my son is gay but his boyfriend must really like him, he got a plane and a three story house from him.

Story for St. Peter Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day and they only let in a certain amount per day so St. Peter says, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I c…

A man has a steering wheel coming out of his fly First man, why is that steering whell coming out of your fly? Second man, It's driving me nuts.

3 men are riding in an airplane over their city 3 guys were in a Cessna Airplane flying over the city they lived in. The first man said ""I love my city so much, I'm gonna drop this 50 cent coin out the window for someone to find. That will make their day!"" So he threw it out. The second man pulled out a roll of coins and said ""I love my city so much that I'll throw this whole roll of coins out the window! And he threw it out. The third man hated his city, so he pulled out an incendiary grenad…

three men were on a road trip when their car broke down they walked a mile and found a farm and decided to ask the old farmer if they could crash. the farmer was a kind man and decided to let the men stay, as long as they didn't touch the three hot daughters. later that night none of the men could help themselves and decided to go for it, thinking that the old farmer wouldn't catch them. the next morning, the farmer lined up the three men and said ""I know you three have slept with my daughters!…

Blowing chunks At work, three friends get into an argument over who got more wasted the night before. ""I got so drunk last night, when I got home I blew chunks,"" said the first man. ""I got so drunk last night, I had to sleep outside because I couldn't make it inside my house,"" said the second man. But the third man was certain he got more wasted than his friends. ""I got so drunk, I set my entire house on fire!"" he argued. ""I don't think you guys understand,"" said the first man. ""My dog'…

IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, …

Another genie joke. A man is walking down the beach carrying a well-oversize BiC lighter. A second man, curious, ran up to him and asked, ""Mister, that is the biggest BiC lighter I've ever seen. Where did you get that?"" The first man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small glass bottle, ""I found this bottle a ways down the beach, and when I picked it up and rubbed the sand off, a genie came out and gave me the lighter."" ""Wow,"" said the second man. ""Do you mind if I try?"" The first…

Three men go into confession... The first man goes to the Father and says, ""Father, forgive me, I stole office supplies from work this past week."" The Father says, ""I see. Speak the 'Our Father' 15 times, and go and drink from the Holy water. Go in peace."" The second man comes in and says to the Father, ""Father, I have sinned. I cheated on my taxes this last year."" The Father says, "" I see. Go and pray the 'Hail Mary' 20 times, pray the 'Our Father' 10 times and go drink of the Holy water…

Two men are sitting at a bar in a highrise. The first man says to the other ""You should get the barman's home brew. It makes you fly!"" The second man sceptically replies ""If it makes you fly, then prove it."" So the first man takes a swig of his beer, jumps out the window, and flies a few circles around the building. When he gets back, the second man is amazed and immediately orders one of the house brews. After gulping it down, he jumps out of the window and falls to his death. Upon seeing t…

How To Get Hired At Walmart A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?' The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops i…

Heaven getting too full. (worth the read) Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I…

Three men in prison are about to be executed. There are three men standing in a prison yard, about to be executed for their crimes. They are offered a choice in execution style; beheading via guillotine, death by firing squad or an injection of HIV. The first man chooses beheading. He's led to the guillotine by the guards, positioned, and executed. Blood sprays everywhere and his head goes rolling across the yard. Horrified by what he's just seen, the second man chooses to be shot. The guards le…

Two friends are talking... and the first guy notices his buddy is looking like he has something bugging him. He asks his friend, ""Man, you look like you got something on your mind. What's up?"" ""I just had a rough night. I went to the bar, got falling-down drunk, and when I got home, I wrecked my car into the tree. What's even worse is when I went inside, I started blowing chunks."" Man number two explains. The first friend says, ""That's terrible about your car. How is that not the worst part…

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.... One remarked, ""Windy, isn't it?"" ""No,"" the second man replied, ""It's Thursday..."" And the third man chimed in, ""So am I. Let's have a beer.""

Wife's Duties Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home. The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't …

3 young lads trying to get into heaven. One Christmas eve three young fellas were out on the crawl drinking and partying. All at once a bus came and killed them outright. They came to St Peter at the pearly gates and he told them there was no entry unless they had a Christmassy item to give him. The first fella rumaged in his pockets and pulled out his keys, he shook them and said, 'These are Christmas bells.' The second man pulled out his lighter, held the flame in the air and said, 'It is the …

An old friend told me this... Three middle aged jewish men are sitting around one afternoon. The first one says, ""Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He came back as an atheist!"" The second man says, ""Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He married a Christian!"" The third man without missing a beat says, ""Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did, he converted to Christianity!"" All of a sudden they h…

3 men go to hell Three men die and go to hell. On their arrival the devil greets them, saying ""hello and welcome to hell! You are all here because you were addicted to something that ruined the lives of you and the people around you. You will all be given your own personal hells until you are cured, then you will go to heaven."" He goes to the first man, ""you were addicted to eating and you became extremely obese, ruining your family."" He opens up a door to reveal donuts, cake, soda, every ki…

FBI Job Opening The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The…

Two men sitting at a bar... Two men are sitting next to each other at the bar well into their drinking. The first man says to the bartender, in a thick Irish accent, ""Sir, another shot of your finest whiskey!"" The second man looks at the first and says, with an equally thick accent, ""Well I'll be, by chance do you come from Ireland?"" ""I do sir! A round for me and my fellow countryman!"" The bartender pours the pair a shot each. The second man looks at the first and says, ""By chance, did yo…