#second-man

A group of cannibals... A group of cannibals just recently kidnapped three homeless men and took them to a secluded area of the woods. The head cannibal looks at all of the men and says "I order you to go into the woods and come back with ten of the same fruit". The men went off into the woods to look for fruit. Later on two of the men return one with ten apples and one with ten blueberries. The head cannibal says to the two men "If you want to live you have to stick all ten of the fruits you'…

Three men are kidnapped by cannibals while in the forest.. Three men were walking in a forest one day when they were kidnapped by a group of cannibals. They plead for the tribe leader to let them, and finally he struck them a deal. If they could complete a challenge of his, then they could walk free. For the first part of the challenge, the chieftain asked the three men to go back into the forest and find 10 fruit of any kind, provided that all 10 were the same type of fruit. So each man went…

Pot of chili nsfw So there are four gay men, three of which are all involved with the last, we'll call him "Freddie". One day Freddie becomes ill and dies of the HIV. Before the funeral, the three gay men meet at the bar to decide the best way to handle the financial part of the ceremonies. They quickly agree that the smartest way to go about it would be to cremate and divide the ashes, thus being able to remember their lost lover however they so choose. After a few hours of drinking and speaki…

Rich Man A wealthy man was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the man said. "But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree". …

Three men go to heaven, and St. Peter says they are full.... ...so they are transported down to hell. The devil, being a reasonable guy, apologizes for the mistake, and promises to set each man up with a room filled with whatever they want. The first man asks for a room full of chocolate, which the devil procures, and closes the door behind him. The second man asks for a room full of beautiful women, the devil agrees, and shows him into the room. The third man requests a room full of Marijuana.…

Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to c…

Two guys in the wood... Two guys went camping in the wood. As they started getting deeper in the woods they encountered a tribe folk with a sharp knife. ''Stop right there!'' he said. They both stopped moving, they were scared as hell. ''I will kill you both, take your skin off and make a boat out of it but first you will each be granted one wish.'' The first man wished for a chance to see his family and his wish was granted. He was then killed. The second man wished for a fork. A for…

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, ‘How do these …

Three men die and go to heaven. God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife. The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife. The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?" God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."

Two Jews at Miami Beach Two Jewish men from New York pass each other walking down Miami beach. They see each other walking every now and then over a couple months and eventually introduce themselves and walk together. After walking for awhile the first said to the second how did you end up here in Miami. The second man told him that he owned a garment factory until there was a fire that burnt it to the ground and because he was older he decided to just keep the insurance money and retire. When …

Four men are running from the police. As they run, they come upon the edge of a cliff. With nowhere to run the decide to jump off. Then out of nowhere, one of the men turns around and says to the others... "I am a genie, and I may grant each of you a wish. As you jump off this cliff, yell out an object on which you want to fall." One man decides that even though it seems very unlikely for this to be true, it's his best bet to escape from the police. He jumps off and yells "PILLOWS!" at the …

The FBI have a job opening for an extremely undercover position Over 50000 people apply, and they manage to rattle it down to a final 3. They are then given their final task, they will be put in a room with their wife, and they must kill them, and they give each of them a gun which they tell them to use. The first man goes in, and they here sobbing, after 5 minutes the man and his wife comes out, the man still in tears, telling them he couldn't do it. The second man goes in, and once again th…

Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout. As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt. "Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man. The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

3 guys are shipwrecked on an island full of cannibals The cannibals catch them and say"bring us 10 fruits or we will kill you" the first man comes back with ten carrots the cannibals tell him"we'll stick them all up your ass if you dont move a muscle we'll let you live" they force the first one up his ass he doesnt say anything but as soon as they touch the other carrot he says Ow! They throw him in a cage the second man comes back with ten berries they tell him the same thing and start fillin…

A man walks into a bar with a Labrador and takes a seat. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here!" The man doesn't miss a beat and replies, "Excuse me, this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender apologises profusely and says, "Here, the first one's on me." The man walks over and takes a seat near the door. Soon, another man walks in with a chihuahua. The first man says, "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man thanks him and head…

Three men die in a car crash They find themselves at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter approaches them, saying "Okay, you'll get a vehicle for getting around Heaven depending on your faithfulness to your spouse". The first man says "I never cheated on my wife, and I love her". He gets a Ferrari. The second man says "I cheated on my wife once, but I still love her". He gets a horse. The third man says "I cheated on my wife a couple times, but I still love her". He gets a scooter. Soon after b…

Little bit of dark humour for you! The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'Y…

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The m…

After committing very heinous crimes, three men are sentenced to 20 years of solitary confinement. However, they are allowed to have *one* form of luxury for their sentence. The first man requests a large stack of legal textbooks for his cell. The second man asks for a large stack of medical textbooks. The third man, on the other hand, requests 200 packs of cigarettes. 20 years have passed, and the three men are each released. The first man looks very pleased with himself and says to the w…

Three men are serving jail time in East Germany. As they wait for time to pass, they eventually talk about why they were imprisoned. The first one says: "Everyday, I got to work five minutes early, so they condemned me for espionage!" The other two ask the second man. He says: "Everyday, I got to work 5 minutes late, so they condemned me for sabotage!" Men number one and two are getting curious about the third man. Upon asking him, he says: "Everyday, i got to work exactly in time, so th…

Three men and a Wizard are on a plane. Three men and a Wizard are on a plane, and the engines start to fail. The men begin to panic and the Wizard tells them, "If you jump out of the plane, and yell something, you'll turn into it." The men, a little sketched out, decide to try it. The first man jumps out, and yells, "EAGLE!" The man turned into an eagle. The second man jumps out, and yells, "PIGEON!" The man turned into a pigeon. The third man gets a running start and trips out of the plan…

Three men appear in heaven Three men appear in heaven at the same time. They approach the pearly gates when they're stopped by St. Peter. "Woah, woah, woah! Sorry, heaven's been a bit busy today and we're starting to get overcrowded. The Big Man told me I'm only allowed to let people who died sad deaths in today. If you can tell me how you died, and I think it's pitiful enough, I'll let you in." "I'll tell my story first," says one man. "So, I'd been pretty certain lately that my wife had bee…

Two men are talking in a bar... ...the first man asks the other, "So where are you from?" The other man replies "Ireland." The first man replies "No way, me too! I'll drink to that." The two men down their beers. "So where in Ireland are you from?" the second man says. "Dublin." "No kidding, me too!" he replies. Once again, they down their drinks. "Where in Dublin did you live?" asks the first man. "Main Street, and yourself?" the other replies. "I lived on Main Street too! Cheers!" h…

A joke my dad used to tell my brother and me. Long but worth it IMO. Three men die and find themselves in a waiting room outside the gates of heaven. An angel enters the room and says, "hey guys. We've had a really busy day. A lot of good people died today and we are almost at capacity for the day. However, if you explain how you died, maybe I can make some room for you." The first man walks up to the angel and says, "well it all started a few weeks ago. I was having suspicions that my wife …

A bad day Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartme…