#mr-president

An open letter to the President of the United States. Dear Mr. President I know where you live.

Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders... ...the doorman says, ""Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?"" Obama says, ""I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back.""

Putin is at a press conference... Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back. Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And maybe we will close a 5 billion dollar deal if you put our logo very tiny in a little corner... Putin: Hmm, I have discuss this *Putin whispers to his Prime Minister*: Psst, Medvedev…

A fugitive in Russia The room was packed. Military officials, informants, and members of the cabinet surrounded the President, anxiously waiting for the situation's broadcasting to begin. A man walked into the room, his striped suit sleek but worn in that way that seems particular to those with stressful jobs. ""Mr. President, we've got good news, and bad news,"" he announced, steadily yet nervously stepping to his place at the front of the room. ""Walt, you know I, uhhh, value your opinion. You…

George Bush is being briefed about world news overnight... ...by his men, 'Mr President, there's been a plane crash in Australia, two Brazilian soldiers have been killed in action, a major bushfire....' George Bush interrupts and says, 'hang on, did you just say two Brazilian soldiers have been killed???!!!' To which the man replies, 'That's correct Mr President...' 'Oh my... that's absolutely terrible!' says Bush. The man, looking rather confused says, 'Sir, they've been far worse accidents tha…

A black man, muslim, and an illegal alien walk into a bar... And the bartender asks ""What are you having Mr. President?""

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running. 8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. 6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work. 5. Mumbled, ""Oh, puh-leeez"" 95 times during the movie ""The Net"" 4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments. 3. Video dating profile lists ""public-key encryption"" among turn-ons…

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. First, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent said, ""Mr President, it was a request from the home team""everybody from the owner down to the bat boy."" (What really gets Bill going is when the agent tells him the …

A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: ""Mr President how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"" Pres says: ""You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!""

The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request “Mr President, we need help. Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President explained. “My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Vladimir,” said Obama, “the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.” “We do need your help,” said Putin. “Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over?” “No problem, I’m on it,” sai…

So George Bush is in his office... His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens." Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

The Coolidge effect The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown (separately) around an experimental government farm. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every tim…

Obama travels to England to visit the Queen.... As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth…

President Obama walked into the bank to cash a check... As he approached the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because o…

The Comical Conservative President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!" Cashier: "Yes…

Vladimir Putin Speech Vladimir Putin is giving a speech in Moscow. He is praising his government for bringing economic prosperity to the nation of Russia. "In my government every citizen has a television set and an automobile to drive!" He says to thunderous applause. Once the applause subsides, a hand goes up near where Putin is and he notices. He calls out to the man whose hand is raised and says, "What is it that you wish to say, citizen?" The man begins to speak to Putin and the crowd quie…

Australia's smartest man An airplane was about to crash.. There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes. The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.” So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Tony Abbot said, “I am the Prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest man in Australian history, so Australia’s people don’t want me to die.” He took the second parachute and jumped…

Vladmir Putin learns from Obama On his official visit to Washington, DC, Obama shows Putin around the White House. Putin is very impressed by the grandiose building. He can't stop staring at the decorated ceiling and the meticulously carved walls. He asks Obama "Tell me Mr. President, how do you have such a huge house, isn't the economy in depression?" Obama takes Putin to a massive glass window, points at something and asks him "It's very simple Mr. President, do you see that bridge over th…

President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt... President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter. They sit down to wait for President Xi, but Biden notices they still have their trousers rolled up. So he whispers: "M…

A company develops a machine for evaluating IQ. The scientists developing it asks for the help of the supervisor, manager and president of the firm to test the machine. When the supervisor places his head on the machine, it responded: 'IQ 160', and he was very impressed. When the manager places his head on the machine, it responded: 'IQ 170', and he was very impressed. When the president placed his head on the machine, it hummed for a bit and responded: 'this is a very sensitive machine, …

A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!" Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

Donald Trump walks up to President Obama... He asks, "Obama my man, how did you manage to put together such a wonderful team? Tell me your secret." Obama smiles and replies, "Well, the first thing that you have to do, Mr Trump, is to surround yourself with intelligent people." "Well how do I do that?" asks Trump. "Simple," Obama replies. "The way I do it, I always ask them one simple question." He turns around and yells, "Joe! Get in here!" Joe Biden saunters into the the room. "Joe," Obama…

"I know everyone..." was on Bill's resume. Was on Bill's resume when he applied for his new job. His manager, Dave, impressed by everything else made a comment. Dave: "Surely, you dont know EVERYONE." Bill retorts: " I do infact know everyone." Dave asks smugly: "Even the President of the U.S.?" Bill nonchalantly pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts seemingly forever and pushes the call button and then puts the phone on speaker. Bill: 'Hey, Mr. President, you there bud?" Preside…

President Obama is doing his morning exercises... ...and jogging around the White House grounds when one of the Secret Service agents suggests he should see how fast he can circle the White House ten times. After all, it is a presidential tradition to try it at least once, and being moderately athletic, he figured he'd make pretty good time. So he stands at the south portico with the agent, who counts him down. "3...2...1...go!" President Obama takes off. He paces himself, not wanting to exha…

Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, “I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten. Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. “Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten?” Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Muslims.”