#secret-service

Job interviewer: "Why do you want to join the Secret Service?" Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."

So what do you do for a living? "I'm in the Secret Service" Wow, you didn't keep that secret too well did you

Could you imagine being the Secret Service agent that blocked a bullet for Donald Trump, 20 years later? You wouldn't tell anyone.

The usher in church greets one of their members... and says ""Welcome! You need to join the army of the Lord!"" The member says,""I am in the Lord's army"". The usher asked,""Then why do I only see you on Christmas and Easter?"" The member leaned over and whispered,""I'm in the Secret Service.""

The Secret Service has come up with a new plan for protecting our president-elect. In the event of an armed attack, they will yell ""Donald, duck!""

A Democrat wakes up after being in a year-long coma... ...and immediately calls the doctor over to his hospital bed. ""Doctor, I need to know; who won the election? Was it Sanders? Clinton?"" The doctor shakes her head. ""Let me put it this way: there's good news and there's bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" the Democrat asks. ""Donald Trump is the President-elect, and has appointed a climate change denier as the head of the EPA, a close friend of Vladimir Putin as Secretary of State, and a b…

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him? Donald, Duck!

I respect the Secret Service They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot.

Nixon meets Chairman Mao Nixon met Chairman Mao and was watching a martial arts demonstration when Chairman Mao told President Nixon that his Chinese bodyguards would use their bodies to block bullets to save his life. Nixon replied that his Secret Service would do the same. Chairman Mao answered, yes, but yours wear bullet-proof vests!

Former President Clinton and Mrs. Hillary Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents, one of whom leans over and whispers something into the President's ear. As soon as he finishes, Mr. Clinton grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. Hillary falls 10 feet to the top of the dugout, kicking and screaming obscenities. The Secret Service agent leans over again and whispers, ""Mr. President, I said, they …

What were Julia Pierson's qualifications to run the Secret Service, other than the fact that she is fat, ugly and female? This broad could make big sis and Rosie O'Donnel look hot and feminine. Obama is bound to be running out of fat ugly feminists and dykes to fill all of the positions left by his inept appointments

BUSH AND BILL Jokes Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House? A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also ""Mr. Bush.""

This is a joke I heard back in 2000 George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, ""I want to go to Disneyland."" George said, ""No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One"". The second kid said, ""I want a new pair of…

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. First, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent said, ""Mr President, it was a request from the home team""everybody from the owner down to the bat boy."" (What really gets Bill going is when the agent tells him the …

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. And that was the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown in depth, scope, and to a large number of multi-letter agencies - CID, OSI, NIS, FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc. Now we have the ""Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."" Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their black outfits w…

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and Whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares At the guy, looks at Hillary, looks Back at the agent, and shakes his head ""no."" The agent then says, ""Mr. President, it was a Unanimous request of the entire Team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."" Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when The agent…

eer booze and fun!' 'A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says ""Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"" The man says ""Excuse me Castro's Army."" The bartender says ""Alright then"" and the man leaves. A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. T…

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happene…

President Obama is doing his morning exercises... ...and jogging around the White House grounds when one of the Secret Service agents suggests he should see how fast he can circle the White House ten times. After all, it is a presidential tradition to try it at least once, and being moderately athletic, he figured he'd make pretty good time. So he stands at the south portico with the agent, who counts him down. "3...2...1...go!" President Obama takes off. He paces himself, not wanting to exha…

Nice pigs sir A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm. The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir." Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea." The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger Instead of yelling ""Get down!"" they have to yell ""Donald

Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say ""GET DOWN!"" when the President is getting attacked? Now they're required to say ""Donald

If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell ""Donald duck!""

What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at? ""Donald! Duck!""

Nice pigs sir A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One