A Democrat wakes up after being in a year-long coma... ...and immediately calls the doctor over to his hospital bed. ""Doctor, I need to know; who won the election? Was it Sanders? Clinton?"" The doctor shakes her head. ""Let me put it this way: there's good news and there's bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" the Democrat asks. ""Donald Trump is the President-elect, and has appointed a climate change denier as the head of the EPA, a close friend of Vladimir Putin as Secretary of State, and a billionaire who wants to privatize schools as Secretary of Education. In pretty much every single case, he has chosen the person least qualified to protect whatever they are in charge of."" The Democrat is visibly shaken. ""How on earth could there be any good news?"" ""Well,"" the doctor says, ""he's also in charge of choosing his own Secret Service detail.""