#john-smith

I feel bad for people named John Smith. They probably didn't get the gmail account they wanted.

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent. On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD to be done about John, he was just tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided…

You die and arrive at The Pearly Gates... and as you're about to check-in you see that the walls are covered in thousands of clocks; each one with a small name carved underneath. Curious you ask St. Peter the obvious question, ""what's with all these clocks on the wall?"" A wry smile appears on his face. ""Simple"" he chortles. ""Everyone on Earth has a clock and when their time runs out... they die."" All seems legit you think to yourself. Just then out of the corner of your eye you see one of …

John Smith started the day early having set his alarmclock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am .. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG) He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA) After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIW…

Explanation letter to insurance company... Dear insurance company, As to your letter you requested more information about the accident that happened on the work site. I would firstly like to clear that I'm about 75kg. Answer to your letters article 11 I was working on the work site alone that day. I, by profession build roofs on buildings and on that it was a 7 floor building. When I finished my work I had about 275kg of roof buildings materials over. Of course the building didn't have an elevat…

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: ""Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man."" ""How about that!"" he exclaimed. ""They've got three people buried in one grave.""

There is a man waiting at an airport... ... and wonders where to get his ticket. He goes to the help desk and they say ""There's a ticket counter somewhere over there"" and points to a big empty space. The man goes there, but then gets lost quickly. He then sees a guy at a counter, and heads there. ""Hello"" The man says. ""I'm looking for the ticket counter, is this it?"" ""Yes, how can I help you?"" The guy at the counter asked. ""My name's John smith. I'm going to florida."" ""Okay, that will…

Putin is at a press conference... Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back. Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And maybe we will close a 5 billion dollar deal if you put our logo very tiny in a little corner... Putin: Hmm, I have discuss this *Putin whispers to his Prime Minister*: Psst, Medvedev…

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He repl…

A computer geek goes to prison for fraud they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice Hi my name is John Smith. The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown. The geek passes out. The big guy fans him and brings him too. Why did you pass out he asked? The geek replies what did you say your name was? Tur…

eer booze and fun!' 'John Smith lived in Staten Island New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner took a running leap and landed right on the deck of th…

Praying and Sleeping Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man…

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates... ...and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" She answers, "Smith." Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She responds, "His name is John Smith." Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She answers, "He's got red hair." He replies, "I have hundreds of…

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent. On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD to be done about John, he was just tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn't take it anymore. They deci…

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent. On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD to be done about John, he was just tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn't take it anymore. They deci…

James Bond gets called into M's office M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood On the first Friday of Lent

What did a cyberman say to John Smith? You will be [deleted]

Teacher: “I think you are chewing gum.” John: “No Sir, I am John Smith!”