#father-omalley

A Jewish guy goes into a Catholic confession box... ""Father O'Malley,"" he says, ""my name is Emil Cohen. I'm 78 years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better."" ""My good man,"" says the priest, ""I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?"" And the guy goes: ""I'm telling everybody!""

Priest, Preacher and Rabbi Every Monday morning the local Catholic Priest, Preacher from the Church of God and Jewish Rabbi would meet at the local diner and discuss their weekend services. They always tried to outdo each other bragging about their congregations and sermons. Finally the diner owner got tired of it. ""It's always the same with you three. Why don't you take on something challenging?"" ""Like what?"" asked the priest. ""Doesn't the Bible say something about scripture taming a wild …

Father O'Malley answers the phone... ...""Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"" ""It is."" ""This is the IRS. We'd like to ask you a question."" ""Yes, what is it?"" ""Do you know a Mr. Michael O'Donohue?"" ""I do."" ""Is he a member of your flock?"" ""He is."" ""Did he donate $20,000 to the church?"" ""He will.""

The Young Nun A young nun was assigned by the Mother Superior to help old Father O'Malley with his Sunday night bath. The next morning, the older nun asked the young girl if she had had any difficulties. ""Oh no,"" the nun smiled. ""As a matter of fact, I attained eternal salvation."" The Mother was puzzled. ""What do you mean?"" ""Well, Father O'Malley took my hand and put it between his legs. He told me that right there was the key to heaven. Then a miracle happened. The key to heaven grew in …

Proud Old Man A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. ""Father O'Malley,"" he says, ""my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy-eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better."" ""My good man,"" says the priest, ""I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?"" And the old guy says: ""I'm telling everybody!""

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: ""Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"" ""And the best of the day te yerself…

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: ""Good morning, this is Sergeant Jones, how might I help you?"" ""And the best of the day t…

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He repl…

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims ""Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?"" F…

Confession A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I’m telling everybody!"

Donation Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.'

Praying and Sleeping Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man…

Father O'Malley An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of …

An Irish Priest An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas. He rose from his bed one morning; It was a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. So he promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of t…

The Seven Dwarfs Go To Church Father O'Malley was conducting mass at St. Paul's in New York one Sunday

A new priest starts taking confession today And says to Father O'Malley

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you have come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "Are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!"