#dad-joke

Where do salt lovers go to pray? [OC] The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

This Dad joke is so good it escaped from DadJokes and found its way over here ... On an old railway line there was a town named Urelia. And the two conductors on the train could not agree on how to pronounce this name. So everytime the train pulled into this town, one conductor standing at one end of the passenger car would shout something that sounded llike ""You'realiar"", whereupon the conductor standing at the other end of the car would shout something that sounded like ""Youreallyare"".

How do you make a cat go woof Throw it in a fire (i know i know dad joke)

You know how people say ""get with the program""? I like to say ""get with the tempo"" because I'm a musician... Oh, well I guess that phrase felt a little flat. Oh but you're laughing now you must have a sharp wit. -horrible dad joke from my fiance don't blame me.

Dad jokes are real.... What do you call a Cow with no legs? ""Ground Beef""

What do you call something that's impossible due to physics? Physics-ly impossible. There's your dad joke for the day.

Unintentional bad dad joke gone so wrong. Me: ""Well, that meal was completely unsatisfying."" Dad: ""Just like your mother."" Proceeded by me cringing and him asking, ""What? Did I say that out loud?"" Worst. Family. Dinner. Ever. (For those that are curious, the food was terrible storebought lasagna. Also, the insuing fight between them lasted for over an hour. I thought someone here might find the humor in it since humor is my coping mechanism.)

In honor of Father's day, here is a typical dad joke. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

Viking dad joke A viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, ""I must have taken Leif off my census.""

My black friends really enjoy hearing my lame jokes. It's almost like they've never been told dad jokes before...

Waitress dad jokes When waitress comes to the table ask if she takes orders ,""to go""? If she says yes respond with, ""Great! Get your purse we're leaving.""

Hi, I'm going to tell a dad joke! Hi ""Im going to tell a dad joke,"" I'm dad!

I want to give you guys my best dad joke... ...but I'm afraid you won't give it back.

What does a snowman say to his son on his birthday?(dad joke) Happy Brr-day son!

Why don't frogs use screws? Because they prefer rrrrrivets. *been using lots of rivets on a project lately when I came up with this awful dad-style joke. But I'm 40 and a dad so I'm a fully-licensed dad joker .""*

The mother of all Dad jokes. Dad: *Picks up caterpillar* I'll name him Hans! Person: ""Why?"" Dad: ""Because he's got lots of Hans!""

Master List for Easter Dad Jokes Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? From Eggplants Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them! What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days. What kind of bunny can't hop? A chocolate one! Why did the Easter egg hide? He was a little chicken. Where does the easter bunny eat breakfast? at IHOP source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easterjokes/easteronelinersjokes.html

A German Dad Joke So, because St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow I asked my dad (who is German) if Germans have any day like St. Patrick's Day. His said, ""Yes, it's called October.""

I made up a shit 'Dad Joke' I was talking to my friend the other day, he's a lawyer and was complaining about the current trial he was involved in. Me: ""What is it about?"" Lawyer: ""The accused used a leather satchel to beat another man to death"" Me: ""Oh, do you expect it to go on much longer?"" Lawyer: ""No, it's a brief case"" *Sting/Rimshot*

The first dad joke you'll make A guy calls the hospital. He says, ""You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"" The nurse says, ""Calm down. Is this her first child?"" He says, ""No! This is her husband!""

My dad used to tell the ultimate dad joke passed on by his Native American father from Arizona. ""You boys know how all these cacti got their name?"" *sigh* ""No dad how did they decide on a name?"" ""Well, when the first Native American tried the water from them, he exclaimed 'Yucca!'"" (Yucca is the name of an abundant species of cacti found in Arizona) (I cringed when I heard this and I loved my grandfather very much so I understand any negative reaction)

Dad Joke: What did Miley Cyrus' dancing instructor tell her to do? Hometwerk

Favorite lame DAD joke

My dad's dad joke a few moments ago My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past …

Any jokes for friday the 13 & Valentines day? :) Just wondering if anyone had some good oneliners, maybe even dad jokes, about valentines day amd frifay the thirteenth :)