#dad-joke

Bit of a dad joke - trains in jail Q. Why are trains always being falsely imprisoned? A. Because of their loco motives

Dad joke? Dad joke. My father, who is still pretty spry at the age of 73, has been single for about 20 years. On a recent trip to the doctors office he requested a half-dose prescription of Viagra. The doctor asked him, "Why only a half-dose, Jack? I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone." He replied, "Oh, it's nothing like that, Doc. I only need to get it up far enough to pee out of the boat when I'm fishing."

[Dad joke] A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea. Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea.…

My wife asked: You're pretty proud of your self for that one aren't you? With only a slight smirk on her face. So we were out to eat with the kids. My son, Ronin, is 1 yrs old and was kinda sick; coughing. We ordered some beers and she got a Chocolate Coffee stout. My son is hacking up a lung and I say to my wife: "Your beer is a lot like Ronin right now". She said "How's that?" I said, "They are both a little coughy. Maybe this is a dumb Dad joke but if you guys liked it then I can show this …

Dad Jokes anyone! Little Johnny: Will you marry me? Susie: You have to ask my father first. Little Johnny: (later) Well, I asked him. Susie: And what did he say? Little Johnny: He said he’s already married.

Dad joke **Dad:** Whaddya got there son? **Son:** Soy milk. **Dad:** Hola milk, soy tu padre

How i out dad joked my dad... So the preview for some time traveling movie comes on tv and my dad goes "if you ever find a time machine remember not to use it," somehow thinking it's funny. I'm ashamed to say the first thing out of my mouth was "seems like a great way to pass the time."

A rite of passage Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the condom breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from w…

A rite of passage. [Dadjoke alert] Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the condom breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After retu…

A plane just landed... Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane." His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up." I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.

3 bad dad jokes I use these back to back to back all the time. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSHHHHHHHH

Favorite Dad Joke My 4 year old cousin needs help putting her shoes on. Cousin to my dad: "Can you put my shoes on?" Dad: "Well I'll try but I don't think they're going to fit." (As he tries to stuff his foot into a size 3 kids shoe)

Today I pulled the dad jokes of all dad jokes. At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked. Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear.. I should be ashamed.

Where do bees go to the bathroom at? at the [BP Station](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/Bp_station_zanesville_ohio.jpg) *Sorry, I know...its a Dad joke.*

What do you call a Mexican melon? A cantelopez! Came up with this on all by myself. I'm a new Dad, so I feel as if I've significantly leveled up my Dad Joke ability.

My mom just told a terrible dad joke. I was outside talking with my parents around the fire and I mentioned that I had read on reddit today that the astronauts were going to eat space-grown produce for the first time ever. My mother upon hearing this said: "I hear they're growing strawberries and they're going to make space jam".

When I started telling dad jokes like my father I knew I was full groan.

Dad joke heard at the beach Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me. This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?" I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.

Dad joke I came up with at work. I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before. My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other. Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?" Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands." Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard. Edit: mutant added** Edit 2: to those who are telling me it's not a joke, because my son doesn't understand the English language. WOW, …

Star wars dad joke heard tonight Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..." Me "he's a wookie. " Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."

Haven't done that in a year.. A Dad wakes up and starts making breakfast on New Years Day. The son comes down to the kitchen and as the Dad serves him eggs he goes: "Morning son, it looks like you haven't eaten all year." The son scowls at the terrible Dad joke and digs into his eggs. The daughter comes down to the breakfast table and the Dad pours her a glass of orange juice: "Good morning Daughter, you must be thirsty. It looks like you haven't had anything all year. " both children sco…

What do you call the field of study for dad jokes? *Sigh*ence

My Dad's Best Joke - Not a dad joke My dad was enjoying a smoke break during an in-service training at the police academy. He had taken to smoking Misty cigarettes. A friend from a neighboring police force asked him why he was smoking such a feminine cigarette. "Well, Kay went out to get something out of my cruiser the other day, and found a pack of these between the seats. I had to tell her I'd switched." "Oh... Are they any good?" "They're not bad, but these thong panties keep riding up my…

A dad joke with which we can all sympathize The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."