Dad joke? Dad joke. My father, who is still pretty spry at the age of 73, has been single for about 20 years. On a recent trip to the doctors office he requested a half-dose prescription of Viagra. The doctor asked him, "Why only a half-dose, Jack? I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone." He replied, "Oh, it's nothing like that, Doc. I only need to get it up far enough to pee out of the boat when I'm fishing."
ME: my therapist told me to stop talking about people as if they weren't here THERAPIST: [rubbing temples] i know
Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?
As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"
Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.
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